No gift after husband comes back from working away

[noodlemcnoodle]

My husband works away a lot , has just got back from 6 weeks in Turks and Cacos Islands. He used to bring me back something when he went away but now, nothing. He brought back sweets for our daughter. He said he is working, its not a holiday so he doesn't need to. I feel that it's a sign of appreciation taking care of everything back here while he is away. I work full time so it's not easy ! He is away upto 7 months of the year. But he doesn't see how that puts pressure on me. Says I am a diva

@Gumbo ive travelled extensively fir work too.
Yes it’s tiring.
If you go away fur 5 days, it’s full on. I was with customers dealing with complains and yes it was hard. Evening were spent at a restaurant with the customer at a restaurant. There was really no break in the day at all.

But going away for few weeks was very different. I had my weekends to do some sightseeing. There wasn’t all the evenings taken up with the customer/endless restaurant etc… it was much more like a day in the office but somewhere else - meetings etc… a much more normal rhythm and pressure.

DH has had a very similar experience tbh.

But if he'd got upset and insisted that I wasn't really grateful because I hadn't bought him a present I'd have been unimpressed 🤔.

I think on that one you are missing the point. If your partner sees bringing a small gift back a sign of thinking about them/being grateful, then that’s what it is. That’s not up to you to decide what is or isn’t an appropriate way to feel appreciated. They might think that your way to make it clear you appreciate the work they do - let’s say a thank you or bringing them a cup of tea in bed - is crap and they don’t see that as nice. Whereas a gift means you’ve thought about them when you were away.
The whole point of thanking someone is to do it in a way that is meaningful to them. Not in alway that works fir you.

But from what you say he should have been grateful that she didn’t “allow” him to work away - he didn’t miss out on all that time with his children thanks to her!

Yeah if my DH was away for 7 months on and off filming random stab in the dark Death in Paradise. I would like a gift but we have a thing where if we go away we buy each other a cheesey fridge magnet. But if he's there a lot that's a lot of fridge magnets.

Maybe he could send flowers over the internet half way through his stint or something. But tbh I would like some sort of acknowledgment that I've been holding the fort for all that time. So the opportunity for me to have some downtime.

YANBU

He has work which is not very compatible with family and it works only thanks to your solo parenting majority of the time.

People have different ways of feeling appreciated. Good partner learns yours and does it.
It is totally irrelevant how many people online don't see a value in getting a gift from travels, when you do.

He is right. Respectfully, you are being a diva.

You aren't appreciative of what he's doing and aren't appreciative of him.

Did you get him something for a welcome home gift? Cook or made sure his favorite meal was there?? Made sure the house was clean?? Sought out childcare for a couple of days so that he can come home to a relaxing home??

He's working.

You'd rather have materialistic gifts, than your husband be your actual gift??

You rarely see him..

Did you get him something for a welcome home gift? Cook or made sure his favorite meal was there?? Made sure the house was clean?? Sought out childcare for a couple of days so that he can come home to a relaxing home??

Did you make sure to warm his slippers op? Pour his scotch? Were you ready in negligee for him, on your knees ready for his welcome home head job?

can I ask, do you parent solo while working full time for weeks on end? If you don’t, have you considered what it would be like? I know I’d be on my knees. If I meet a woman who does it, whose partner works away, I say with heartfelt sincerity ‘I hope he appreciates you, and that he couldn’t have a family without you.’ And that’s whether or not they are trying to juggle a family too. My Dh wouldn’t get a job working away, it would put too much strain on me and my job. But you carry on telling the op that in addition to doing many months of every year as a solo parent working full time, she should also be doing a welcome home gig for her partner.

Been there and got the tshirt. I’m now divorced.

My advice is to sit down and have a conversation with him. It’s not easy on both of you being away. Do you have sufficient help at home? Does he feel supported? You might find he really missed you and your child.

Turks & Caicos is a lovey beach but there isn’t much else to do. It’s a tax haven and they are always incredibly dull. Everything there is incredibly expensive because it’s imported. There isn’t anything to buy in the airport. If he flew back via Miami or Newark the pickings at both of those airports is ok but if you have a short connection it’s tough going.

You aren’t being a diva. His help at home needs to be replaced. You are understandably exhausted.

Jesus fucking Christ. Another all hail the mighty penis post.

Men are not God's gift to women. If you had bothered to read OP's posts she actually did buy him stuff he likes and cook his favourite meal. On top of holding down the fort. Her thanks for it? Being called a diva.

respectfully, yes she did. Don’t you read the OP’s posts?

”I bought him his favourite coffee beans, the bread he likes and made him his favourite dinner..”

now what?

It’s such a deliberate wind up, using “respectfully” and then following with rudeness and double question marks

You'd rather have materialistic gifts, than your husband be your actual gift??

lol at the idea that this guy is the ideal gift.
Such a great guy that he never thought about his dwife long enough in the 6 weeks to buy her a token present. Not even an airport gift.

If you want to show appreciation to your partner for tte hard work they’ve put in, then you first need to learn what they consider a sign of appreciation. Then you need to do it.
Bringing yourself back home, tired, grumpy because you know long haul trip blablabla isn’t enough. Nor is ‘bringing so e money back home’. Sorry.

Yeah i'd not be happy. 7 months carrying all the domestic/childcare load and he's not even got some duty free Gin. It's not diva'ish at all - such a basic basic bit of sweetness

You are a diva. He's working, to support you. Have you got him a present to say thanks for bringing home the income?

I work full time!

YANBU, my husband always brings me Benefit make up from the airport because I love it but won't pay shop prices for it.

Edit: Re giving him a welcome home gift, he gets his choice of home cooked food and 😏😂

Yes she did. Can he be a diva now too?

It’s disingenuous to suggest that someone would be qualified for or able to take these other jobs. Just because there are 20,000 vacant jobs to be a zookeeper, doesn’t mean you can jack in a job as a specialist welder on oil rigs and go feed penguins all day. If you are in the armed forces too, which is the most common reason for being gone so often, you can’t just hand in a resignation and get another job. There aren’t always civilian equivalents.

FFS he’s been working not on a feckin jolly 🤦‍♀️. He’s based in the middle of nowhere on steel plants, no shopping malls, in generally poor areas!

You're holding the fort with your daughter and home while he's away. I'd expect substantially more than an airport Toblerome

🙄

I work full time so he is bringing part of the bacon not the hog!

Often, when we find ourselves looking for gifts, it might be we feel unappreciated or not special in the relationship in general.

Unless of course you are on the breadline and need help purchasing nice things… in which case, where does his income go?