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Original poster

He is 27, I am 44

94 replies

LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 19:15

Hi ladies, I need your opinions. After a couple of years of dating (I was married) with men of my age, I decided to go for younger guys. I can't deal with the emotional baggage the older guys bring to my relatively balanced life any more, it destroys me. Plus they tend to be stuck in their way which I find unattractive because I value self-improvement.

Anyway, I met this guy online, he is 27, I went on a first date without any expectations but itturneds out to be one of the best dates I ever had! He came across as mature, sincere respectful, and is looking for a serious relationship. Energetically we are a good match as he is tall and masculine (nerd with muscle 😅) and I am playful and feminine. Intellectually we also match, he is physics and I am psychology which create deep chats easily. Lookwise, zero issue, I look at least 10 years younger than my actual age.

Although I am much older, I recently started embarking on a new career change, he is the one earning more than I do atm so no power imbalance between us. We are both ambitious and have goals in life want to achieve.

Do you think it will work in the long run?

OP posts:
Littlefish · 13/12/2023 19:28

Does he ever want children?

Xmascookies · 13/12/2023 19:28

Nope, he’ll meet someone his own age or younger to settle down with most likely.

Enjoy it while you can but I wouldn’t get too emotionally involved.

He must be a rare specimen because I’ve never met a man that much younger that didn’t just come across as an annoying, immature puppy!

myNewName21 · 13/12/2023 19:30

It will work until he wants children

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 19:31

It could well do for a while but most people want their own kids sooner or later .... The clock might tick a bit later for men, and then he'll probably end it.

I wouldn't trust anyone saying they don't want them.... Often doesn't work out that way.

(At 44 you could still bear them but would probably need donor eggs and would need to do it fairly soon. You probably don't want to anyway).

I think it would be a bit of a Demi Ashton situation.

marshmallowfinder · 13/12/2023 19:34

Don't overthink it. Just take a day at a time and see where it goes.

blackfluffycat · 13/12/2023 19:38

There is no power imbalance but he earns more?

How have you even discussed what you earn this early?

Original poster
LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 19:38

I never manager to have my own children during my marriage and I do want them. I was thinking about sperm donors and becoming a single mum. So it's a no go then :(

OP posts:
retinolalcohol · 13/12/2023 19:41

I am 27 and dated a man who was 40. Whilst it was fun to date, he was attractive, funny, engaging, mature, looking for similar things to me, I cut it off because when it comes down to it we are at different life stages.

By the time I am ready for children (mid 30's), he will be almost 50. Men can father children at that age and it still put me off. When I looked to the distant future, I didn't love the idea of my partner retiring so long before I did. I didn't love the idea that long term it was probable that I would still be so full of energy, whilst naturally he would be slowing down somewhat. Nothing to do with him - he will make a brilliant partner for someone else.

It depends whether you're looking for long term, lifetime style love. If I were you I would consider that eventually he may wish to settle down and have children/make a home with someone his own age. That's not me saying you're not brilliant, OP, but just something to consider before you jump in with both feet

Merseymum1980 · 13/12/2023 19:42

No honey
I'm In a relationship with a guy 11 years older . It's not working and was great at first but he had revealed his immaturity over the years xx

TheGrimSleeper · 13/12/2023 19:43

I agree its highly unlikely to work for a long term relationship.

I actually knew a couple in a similar relationship and it broke down when she reached her 50s. She said that the age difference caused the split as she aged. Its like Margo said in All About Eve, about her relationship with a younger man. As she got older the years stretched.

You are just about to enter the years when there is a marked increase in the rate at which you age. He won't reach that stage for another two decades.

Original poster
LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 19:44

Yes, I have considered what you saying. I just thought someone might offer a different view. But you are right.

OP posts:
Bs0u416d · 13/12/2023 19:44

I think, (in the kindest possible way) you have put too much weight on this possible relationship, especially after just one date. Maybe have a couple more dates, with an open mind but no expectations. See how things devlop and go from there. It's a big age gap for sure and I think you might find that this doesn't have legs for that reason.

Makemydaypunk · 13/12/2023 19:45

To him you are currently the ‘older woman’ then in the not too distant future you are just old I’m afraid.

Georgie870 · 13/12/2023 19:45

Sounds amazing! I suppose it depends maybe if he wants children and that’s something you’re open to and would like yourself?

Original poster
LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 19:45

Thank you, I am trying to be positive. The age gap is right in my face and I can see what it can bring @Bs0u416d

OP posts:
Original poster
LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 19:48

@Littlefish not asked, but I do. So it's a no go. I am fooling myself 😫

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 13/12/2023 19:50

I'd say you could have a great time for a short time, but not forever.

Not long before I met DH I had a brief yet fantastic FWB with situation with a very mature 23 year old (I was 36 at the time).

The risk is that if you get on this well it'll get complicated and one or both of you will get badly hurt when it doesn't / can't last.

ItsReallyOnlyMe · 13/12/2023 19:50

My mother in law married a 27 year old at the age of 47. It lasted until her death at age 69. He's 58 now and still puts her photo on Facebook on her birthday each year. It can work!

Original poster
LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 19:51

@Georgie870 I do, don't know about him. I was prepared to become a single mother through sperm donor. So its a no-go :(

OP posts:
YNK · 13/12/2023 19:53

Makemydaypunk · 13/12/2023 19:45

To him you are currently the ‘older woman’ then in the not too distant future you are just old I’m afraid.

I'm sorry OP but I agree with this poster and the longer it takes for this to happen the harder it will be for you.

VanityDiesHard · 13/12/2023 19:56

myNewName21 · 13/12/2023 19:30

It will work until he wants children

I wouldn't want to date someone that much younger for various reasons, but why do you assume that everyone wants children?

Tbry · 13/12/2023 19:57

My DP is quite a few years younger than me and we’ve been together approx 20 years. My son is in his 30s my partner is in his 40s and I’m 50ish.

Age difference has not been a problem apart from occasionally being immature….as I think all men tend to be as I have dated older men with far worse immaturity.

Other peoples opinions on the age difference and me already being a parent have been a problem and put huge strain on our relationship though.

orchardgirl4 · 13/12/2023 19:57

I've seen a relationship work similar age gap, but both were older, the woman early 70s and the man mid 50s. Both had their own children already. The man didn't seem to mind that she was much older, she didn't act it. The children part is a risk, but if you're open and talking about it regularly, you'll know where things are at, and you can enjoy where you are right now.

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 19:57

LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 19:38

I never manager to have my own children during my marriage and I do want them. I was thinking about sperm donors and becoming a single mum. So it's a no go then :(

If that's the case, a 27 yr old is perfect lol.

Would probably give you your best chance.

Whether you've got viable eggs left is rather individual. Rates are low, but I do know two women who had unplanned kids at 45.

Then there's whether he would want to, of course. It would have to be in the near future and not many men want to have kids quite young. Also not many want to have them with significantly older women.

Avacardo2023 · 13/12/2023 20:01

You could enjoy the fling while it lasts but ultimately he is young enough to be your son and you will be pushing 50 and hitting menopause when he is 30. I can't see it ending well, unfortunately. If you do want children maybe you should push ahead with sperm and possible egg donation sooner rather than later.