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Original poster

He is 27, I am 44

94 replies

LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 19:15

Hi ladies, I need your opinions. After a couple of years of dating (I was married) with men of my age, I decided to go for younger guys. I can't deal with the emotional baggage the older guys bring to my relatively balanced life any more, it destroys me. Plus they tend to be stuck in their way which I find unattractive because I value self-improvement.

Anyway, I met this guy online, he is 27, I went on a first date without any expectations but itturneds out to be one of the best dates I ever had! He came across as mature, sincere respectful, and is looking for a serious relationship. Energetically we are a good match as he is tall and masculine (nerd with muscle 😅) and I am playful and feminine. Intellectually we also match, he is physics and I am psychology which create deep chats easily. Lookwise, zero issue, I look at least 10 years younger than my actual age.

Although I am much older, I recently started embarking on a new career change, he is the one earning more than I do atm so no power imbalance between us. We are both ambitious and have goals in life want to achieve.

Do you think it will work in the long run?

OP posts:
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 20:01

LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 19:51

@Georgie870 I do, don't know about him. I was prepared to become a single mother through sperm donor. So its a no-go :(

I'd imagine most reputable clinics would advise you to use donor eggs as well.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 13/12/2023 20:01

For goodness sake!!

no one knows - not you, him and definitely not anyone on here!

go for it and enjoy it.

For all you know, this time next year you might be pregnant with his child and in bliss.

I'm 43 and want children, when it’s the right guy you’ll know soon enough. Good luck xxx

HamsterBanana · 13/12/2023 20:02

Young enough to be your son! I really wouldn't go there, you're fun now but will he be happy in say 5 years?

DaughterNo2 · 13/12/2023 20:03

Nope! Completely different time of life than you tbh.

Milliemoos5 · 13/12/2023 20:03

I know of several successful age gap relationships:

work colleague 17 yrs younger than his wife, happily married for 40 years

great friend of mine, 43, been with her 29 yr old bf for 4 years, getting married next year

another good friend, been married for 20 years to her husband who is 16 years younger than her

it can work, statistically odds are against it but considering 60% of marriages end in divorce, everyone is statistically more likely to have a failed marriage than not!

go for it, live for the moment! I’m 45 and have had several Boyfs 15 years or so younger, it’s good fun and keeps you young

yhk · 13/12/2023 20:05

As you read psychology, you will know that brain development completes around the age of 25. This chap is not far off that.

All well and good now, but what happens in 5 years when you could be menopausal and he decides he wants children?

High risk of heartbreak on both sides.

Torganer · 13/12/2023 20:07

I have seen it work a few times. All couples are still together, but no children.

FPCculture · 13/12/2023 20:09

For someone who has always dated older, I sincerely don't think this works , why? You may look younger than your age now but you will eventually age and he will still be feeling his age , you may not regret it but there is a chance that he will . This is one of the reasons men are usually dating younger and vice versa . Good luck though .
I had a child with someone older than me ,I was 23, she was 32. I regret it, my son was mistaken for my little brother on first day of school

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 13/12/2023 20:11

I know someone who got together with a 26 year old when she was 42. They married. Never had any children. Still together after 40 years.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 13/12/2023 20:13

44-54 is a big jump. Going through menopause will change you significantly. When you're post menopausal he'll be in his late 30s, so yeah, he will be off before then. Sorry

Tbry · 13/12/2023 20:14

FPCculture · 13/12/2023 20:09

For someone who has always dated older, I sincerely don't think this works , why? You may look younger than your age now but you will eventually age and he will still be feeling his age , you may not regret it but there is a chance that he will . This is one of the reasons men are usually dating younger and vice versa . Good luck though .
I had a child with someone older than me ,I was 23, she was 32. I regret it, my son was mistaken for my little brother on first day of school

You regret your child? That’s a disgusting thing to say.

I was much younger than you when I had my child and people sometimes thought we were siblings, especially as I had younger siblings who were similar ages.

But I ADORE my child I can’t believe someone would post that tbh.

ohnoreallyagain · 13/12/2023 20:15

I'm nearly 12 years older than my husband. We are very happy and have a wonderful life together. 🤷‍♀️

ohnoreallyagain · 13/12/2023 20:17

ohnoreallyagain · 13/12/2023 20:15

I'm nearly 12 years older than my husband. We are very happy and have a wonderful life together. 🤷‍♀️

To add - we met when he was 24 and we have been together for close to a decade now. We have children.

I'm not sure why everyone on this thread is being so negative.

You've only had one date - go on more with him if you both want to and see what happens.

FPCculture · 13/12/2023 20:18

So you are planning to date a young man who is likely still to start a family yet want a sperm donor ?

Are you sure this isn't what you are using them for ?

Tbry · 13/12/2023 20:21

ohnoreallyagain · 13/12/2023 20:17

To add - we met when he was 24 and we have been together for close to a decade now. We have children.

I'm not sure why everyone on this thread is being so negative.

You've only had one date - go on more with him if you both want to and see what happens.

Show quote history

I agree. No reason an age difference is negative whichever way around it maybe. What matters is how you get on with each other.

ArcticBells · 13/12/2023 20:27

It might work long term and I sincerely hope it does but you will be the exception to the rule. Here's hoping you are!

TheGrimm · 13/12/2023 20:27

Life’s about taking chances and seeing where it takes you. Go ahead with your plans to be a single Mum. Date this younger guy you like. You don’t have to fit into a nice neat this is how you should live box. Go for it. If it fails it fails every relationship has its own risks. Live your life. You only get one shot at it.

Duh · 13/12/2023 20:28

Statistically it’s unlikely to last and he will likely want children in the future.

Again looking at averages the woman he is likely to end up with is currently 20.

Have fun but don’t think too long term in my view.

Avacardo2023 · 13/12/2023 20:31

ohnoreallyagain · 13/12/2023 20:15

I'm nearly 12 years older than my husband. We are very happy and have a wonderful life together. 🤷‍♀️

There's a world of difference between your 12 year gap at 24 and 36 and the OP's 17 year gap at 27 and 44. It's not even comparable.

Snowdogsmitten · 13/12/2023 20:31

Energetically we are a good match as he is tall and masculine (nerd with muscle 😅) and I am playful and feminine. Intellectually we also match, he is physics and I am psychology which create deep chats easily. Lookwise, zero issue, I look at least 10 years younger than my actual age.

What an unusual way to write.

Still, I think you’ll be a novelty to him, not a long-term prospect.

Snowdogsmitten · 13/12/2023 20:32

Again looking at averages the woman he is likely to end up with is currently 20.

Oof.

Passingthethyme · 13/12/2023 20:34

I have a friend with a 10 year age gap, still going strong. She must be about 65 now and he is 10 years younger. It could work, but I'd say ita more likely not to. If you like him though, what's the harm in seeing where it leads

EarthSight · 13/12/2023 20:38

Be careful with sperm donation - human beings are not just blank slates that you can mold 100% to suit any personality trait or skill you wish them to have. They can inherit personality traits. If the sperm donor looks great on paper (highly educated, intelligent, health), but he's actually a horrible, abusive person with little empathy, you might be in for a rough ride as a single mum in particular if your child ends up like him.

To your date - I think your setting yourself up for a lot of hurt.

This comment is not a value judgment on you, but there are some men out there who consider older women as easy pickings. :( They're not going to admit this to you, obviously, and please don't think that just because he's a 'nerd' or not the average lad that he's not capable of this type of thinking. This is a common misconception that women have on men who are socially introverted, shy or inept or a 'geek'.

Some men go for older women because they think those women are either desperate sexually, or will place fewer demands on them than a woman their own age. They like older women's independence, but they don't like it from a caring, equality standpoint. They like it because they plan on giving that women as little as they can possibly get away with. They like the fact that you operate separately within your own world, already have a house set up, already know life, because they don't plan on helping you out with that and aren't that interested in forming a true partnership with any woman.

Other ones have a fetish for older women because they have mother issues. Some women don't like this being said, but that doesn't make it go away.

EarthSight · 13/12/2023 20:40

Snowdogsmitten · 13/12/2023 20:31

Energetically we are a good match as he is tall and masculine (nerd with muscle 😅) and I am playful and feminine. Intellectually we also match, he is physics and I am psychology which create deep chats easily. Lookwise, zero issue, I look at least 10 years younger than my actual age.

What an unusual way to write.

Still, I think you’ll be a novelty to him, not a long-term prospect.

That's true. It is unusual. Seems almost like it was made up as a fantasy post 😅

byteme1011 · 13/12/2023 20:42

@MiddleagedBeachbum agreed, OP just go for it, how else will you know if this will work in the long term?

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