Page 3 | He is 27, I am 44

LunaScorpio · 2023-12-13T19:15:25+00:00

Hi ladies, I need your opinions. After a couple of years of dating (I was married) with men of my age, I decided to go for younger guys. I can't deal with the emotional baggage the older guys bring to my relatively balanced life any more, it destroys me. Plus they tend to be stuck in their way which I find unattractive because I value self-improvement. Anyway, I met this guy online, he is 27, I went on a first date without any expectations but itturneds out to be one of the best dates I ever had! He came across as mature, sincere respectful, and is looking for a serious relationship. Energetically we are a good match as he is tall and masculine (nerd with muscle 😅) and I am playful and feminine. Intellectually we also match, he is physics and I am psychology which create deep chats easily. Lookwise, zero issue, I look at least 10 years younger than my actual age. Although I am much older, I recently started embarking on a new career change, he is the one earning more than I do atm so no power imbalance between us. We are both ambitious and have goals in life want to achieve. Do you think it will work in the long run?

HarryBlackberry1 · 13/12/2023 20:42

I'm 50 and my husband is 39. It can work. He's not bothered about kids. You could always just see how it goes but not get too hung up about him for a little while.

Original poster

LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 20:55

I wish to delete this post now. Some of you are kind and compassionate with your answers, even with a no, it's coming from a place of caring. Some of the posts are just hurtful. Yes, my writing is funny because I am not English.

OP posts:

schmuzz · 13/12/2023 20:57

At 44 surely it's more about making a hard decision whether you go for fertility treatment or not? Rather than worrying about him I'd be concentrating on the question of children and how much longer I'm prepared to leave it.

Tbry · 13/12/2023 20:57

LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 20:55

I wish to delete this post now. Some of you are kind and compassionate with your answers, even with a no, it's coming from a place of caring. Some of the posts are just hurtful. Yes, my writing is funny because I am not English.

Your posts and English are fine. Sadly many people comment negatively when there’s an age difference, it’s nasty and not called for 💐. Enjoy your life and don’t listen to them.

SwishSwishBisch · 13/12/2023 20:57

A lot of negativity on this thread.
OP, you had a great date. Enjoy yourself. See what happens.
ok the odds might not be in your favour but WHO KNOWS? Certainly not a bunch of randoms on Mumsnet!
As long as you and he are both being sincere, and are good communicators, why not keep going and see where it leads?! It’s only been one date!

SheIsStuck23 · 13/12/2023 20:59

It 100% will not work in the long run.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/12/2023 21:02

LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 19:38

I never manager to have my own children during my marriage and I do want them. I was thinking about sperm donors and becoming a single mum. So it's a no go then :(

You're 44. If you want to be a Mom, focus on that for now or at least be very honest with him. I do know someone who dared throughout trying for single parenthood, he never promised to be aDad but to see where things were once baby was here

Bellaballs · 13/12/2023 21:05

It's unlikely to work.

However my DH uncle met his wife when he was 21/22 and she was 40ish. He has just turned 50 this and she is now 72/73. Still together.

Sugarsun · 13/12/2023 21:06

My brother has a similar age gap with his gf and they are a perfect match for each other.

They both have kids from previous relationships and don’t want any more though.

I don’t think the age is that big of a deal, it’s more personality and where you both are in life.

I am early 30s but don’t want kids (already had them) and I find dating very challenging because lots of men by age want to have kids or have very young kids.

I think you should just have fun with him for the next 6 months and then see how you get on and whether you want to start something serious or not.

hotpotlover · 13/12/2023 21:08

It won't work and if you get too involved, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak.

At 27 and as a man, the world is his oyster. He likely sees you as an experience and a bit of fun, but he won't settle for you long term. You should do the same.

BlueGrey1 · 13/12/2023 21:13

Date him for a while, have a bit of fun and see what happens

Howdoyoudo21 · 13/12/2023 23:30

Look up Caroline Stanbury and Sergio Carilllo. She is a reality star and influencer, she met her husband when she was 42 and he was 24.
5 years later and they are married and have an embryo on ice.
He wanted kids and she wasn't overly enthusiastic about having any as she already has 3. But she went through IVF as she knew he wanted one. He is absolutely besotted with her and has basically said even if they don't end up having a child together, he still wants to be with her regardless.
He is absolutely gorgeous as well and could have his pick of women. Caroline is gorgeous too. I think he just fell head over heels for her.
So it can work!

PurpleSproutingSomething · 13/12/2023 23:38

People are 100% certain it wouldn't work?
Why are you on a mumsnet relationships forum when you hold so many answers with such certainty?

Bizarre.

OP, go for it. If you get on, date and find out for yourself

champagneproblems13 · 14/12/2023 00:04

I'm 27 and DH is 40, works perfectly fine for us. Been together nearly 2 years blissfully. Currently trying for a baby!

AbsolutelyFemale · 14/12/2023 01:06

Look at Joan Collins and Percy. She was 60 and he 30 when they met, been together 30 years. When asked about the age difference, she shrugged and said "if he dies, he dies" 😅

A friend of my mum's is 82, her husband is French and does all the cooking and is 60. We are most envious, he is lovely and so attentive.

lolstevelol · 14/12/2023 06:14

@Xmascookies is correct, Men often date women who they know they do not intend on marrying or even find attractive. They take what they can get but for long term relationship is different they will only want a long term relationship with someone they find attractive.

blackfluffycat · 14/12/2023 06:20

champagneproblems13 · 14/12/2023 00:04

I'm 27 and DH is 40, works perfectly fine for us. Been together nearly 2 years blissfully. Currently trying for a baby!

You've been together 2 years and are married and trying for a baby wow that was quick.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 14/12/2023 06:28

At 44 and wanting kids you surely need to concentrate on that. Not a man you had one date with. Kindly, you really have no time to lose.

A 27 year old you barely know isn’t ’perfect for that’ as someone said. You would end up having to coparent with someone you don’t know or have nothing to do with him so you can parent alone. a bad co parent is so difficult and can really negatively impact you and the child.

My concern is that you have emotionally jumped in so quickly, you aren’t really thinking straight.

While I am sure some people have relationships like these where it’s a happy ending. Many more don’t. Especially when the men get to around 40-50. Start wanting to recapture their youth. Which usually means getting with a younger women who can have kids. Leaving their post menopausal wives or partners.

I have seen it a fair few times in real life. The women gets into their fifties. The men then decide to start their family.

There’s no problem with having fun and seeing where it goes. But investing so heavily emotionally at this point isn’t a good idea. Have you told him you are pursing having a child alone via ivf?

AM130674 · 14/12/2023 06:39

Honestly go for it! Who knows what the future holds?!

I'm 49, my DH is 34 and we've been together just over 10 years, married just over 5. I had two children already and we have a beautiful 8 year old girl.

We have a great relationship, we struggle sometimes but that's because our DD is disabled. He is a great dad and better father figure to my eldest two that their own dad sadly.

Never thought we would end up here, we started as mates. But I'm so happy we did. Happy to answer any questions you might have x

ElevenSeven · 14/12/2023 06:44

Howdoyoudo21 · 13/12/2023 23:30

Look up Caroline Stanbury and Sergio Carilllo. She is a reality star and influencer, she met her husband when she was 42 and he was 24.
5 years later and they are married and have an embryo on ice.
He wanted kids and she wasn't overly enthusiastic about having any as she already has 3. But she went through IVF as she knew he wanted one. He is absolutely besotted with her and has basically said even if they don't end up having a child together, he still wants to be with her regardless.
He is absolutely gorgeous as well and could have his pick of women. Caroline is gorgeous too. I think he just fell head over heels for her.
So it can work!

Lol, this isn’t a real relationship. She’s having a midlife crisis and he’s gay as the day is long.

ElevenSeven · 14/12/2023 06:45

LunaScorpio · 13/12/2023 19:38

I never manager to have my own children during my marriage and I do want them. I was thinking about sperm donors and becoming a single mum. So it's a no go then :(

If this is what you want, I’d concentrate on this for now, OP, and anything else that continues on the side is a bonus. Good luck

Lifeasiknowitisout · 14/12/2023 07:03

Howdoyoudo21 · 13/12/2023 23:30

Look up Caroline Stanbury and Sergio Carilllo. She is a reality star and influencer, she met her husband when she was 42 and he was 24.
5 years later and they are married and have an embryo on ice.
He wanted kids and she wasn't overly enthusiastic about having any as she already has 3. But she went through IVF as she knew he wanted one. He is absolutely besotted with her and has basically said even if they don't end up having a child together, he still wants to be with her regardless.
He is absolutely gorgeous as well and could have his pick of women. Caroline is gorgeous too. I think he just fell head over heels for her.
So it can work!

The same woman who is now looking to rent a woman’s womb?

Which is the same woman who just had a botched facelift and he was posting photos of her recovering talking about he was so impressed because she looked 30? Yeah, he sounds like a catch and sounds like he won’t be happy if there’s no children.

Aside From that, you can not compare what happens with celebrities/mega rich with people who are mega rich or celebrities.

THisbackwithavengeance · 14/12/2023 07:07

I'm not a massive fan of age gap relationships.

But if you've met someone who you believe is right for you, then I would say go for it.

If it doesn't work out long term, then it doesn't work out.

Just because many age gap relationships fail, it doesn't mean that all of them will.

But it's a shame to end a fantastic relationship because of what might happen that actually hasn't happened yet and might not even happen.

If you want DCs, have you discussed that with him?

Just go into it with your eyes open. I would always ask: is he using you for a home/money/visa but that doesn't sound the case here.

Your man sounds nice. Enjoy.

Milliemoos5 · 14/12/2023 07:50

im shocked at some of the downright unpleasant and unkind messages on here. Age gap relationships can and do work and there are plenty of examples of that.

there are also plenty of examples of same/similar age relationships which don’t work out! Christ, you’d think the women on here had found the secret of a successful relationship by what they’re saying. These are likely the same women who also post on here that their husbands are lazy, abusive, cheating or lying.

just enjoy it.there’s no guarantee that any relationship of any type will succeed and this is no different

Milliemoos5 · 14/12/2023 07:51

Also to the poster who wrote ‘I’m not a fan of age gap relationships…’

fine, don’t have one then 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤣