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Original poster

Partner on fab swingers

91 replies

Nomorebagels · 12/12/2023 09:01

We have been together for nearly 9 years and I found out last night he’s been on fab swingers. I have safe search on my internet and it won’t let me access fab swingers. I’m assuming it’s for hook ups? Or could he be using it as porn? I probably sound stupidly naive but he has never been away anywhere where I don’t know where he is. He works from home and he’s literally never anywhere. Am I stupid? I threw him out when I found out. I feel like black is white. Totally never saw this coming. He’s really vanilla sex wise. I just don’t know what to think. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone IRL. Please help me

OP posts:
Firefly2009 · 13/12/2023 05:59

@Ladyofthelake53 unless you are saying these people are on Fab Swingers? 😂

Herbiebanannas · 13/12/2023 06:10

Nomorebagels · 13/12/2023 00:16

I mean who just ‘out of curiosity’ looks at a swinging website?! I’d never even heard of them but I’m obviously the stupid one here

Honestly. Loads of people.

Its a fairly regular topic of conversation in our local and I would say most people who are in there for a drink regularly have been on for a nosey.

Takeitonthechin · 13/12/2023 07:04

The best thing is you've thrown him out.

Some men just get bored and need excitement in their lives, they're not real men who get a proper honest decent hobbies. He's a liar and a cheater, cannot be trusted. I'd totally ignore him and get on with my life I wouldn't waste anymore time thinking why, where, who with, what good is that going do you.

PansyPolly · 13/12/2023 07:27

Takeitonthechin · 13/12/2023 07:04

The best thing is you've thrown him out.

Some men just get bored and need excitement in their lives, they're not real men who get a proper honest decent hobbies. He's a liar and a cheater, cannot be trusted. I'd totally ignore him and get on with my life I wouldn't waste anymore time thinking why, where, who with, what good is that going do you.

Except he isn’t a liar and a cheater, if he has never met up with anyone and if OP was vaguely aware he looked at porn sometimes.

Again, Fab or porn may be a deal breaker for OP, and that’s fine. But it’s pretty unlikely he’s met anyone from there.

PansyPolly · 13/12/2023 07:28

Firefly2009 · 13/12/2023 05:59

@Ladyofthelake53 unless you are saying these people are on Fab Swingers? 😂

<reactivates account>

Herbiebanannas · 13/12/2023 07:30

Takeitonthechin · 13/12/2023 07:04

The best thing is you've thrown him out.

Some men just get bored and need excitement in their lives, they're not real men who get a proper honest decent hobbies. He's a liar and a cheater, cannot be trusted. I'd totally ignore him and get on with my life I wouldn't waste anymore time thinking why, where, who with, what good is that going do you.

Because a website was in his search history?

That is literally all the evidence you have to be making that statement. Wow!!!

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 13/12/2023 07:31

PansyPolly · 13/12/2023 07:27

Except he isn’t a liar and a cheater, if he has never met up with anyone and if OP was vaguely aware he looked at porn sometimes.

Again, Fab or porn may be a deal breaker for OP, and that’s fine. But it’s pretty unlikely he’s met anyone from there.

Show quote history

Yes, but I'd be surprised if he hasn't tried...

PansyPolly · 13/12/2023 07:34

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 13/12/2023 07:31

Yes, but I'd be surprised if he hasn't tried...

Show quote history

Maybe… but as other Fab users posting have said, plenty of people are on there for voyeurism not meet ups.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 13/12/2023 07:40

PansyPolly · 13/12/2023 07:34

Maybe… but as other Fab users posting have said, plenty of people are on there for voyeurism not meet ups.

Show quote history

Oh I know. Lots of people are on there for the forums and chat and flirting too. But I doubt any man seeks out fab without the intention or hope that he'll meet a woman on it, even if he quickly learns that isn't likely to happen. I wouldn't trust that my partner wasn't looking to cheat (hypothetically, my actual partner is on fab with my full knowledge!!) if he made a fab profile.

OP it might be too late but if you're not squeamish you could sign up and search local male profiles and see if you can find his. Even without a face picture you'd probably recognise him. You can see what he's put that he's looking for.

Userer · 13/12/2023 08:57

@Nomorebagels out of interest, did you contact him after you threw him out or did he contact you? Has he offered to show/shown you his profile on there. At the end of the day, you will believe what you want to believe, so good luck with it.

Original poster
Nomorebagels · 13/12/2023 21:16

Thanks everyone for all the messages, they've been a big help. Particularly grateful to the people who have been on the website explaining to me that it's not just about meet ups, which is what I initially assumed. At this point, I really do think he hasn't met up with anyone but I'm suspicious about what it might lead to. (Long time MN lurker, I know what things like this can develop into).
Like someone on here said, it's the fact that he could be communicating with people about sex. I've got no objection to him watching porn - that's his business as long as it doesn't affect us - it's the involving real people that kind of bothers me. If it was just general porn I wouldn't really give it a thought. Anyway, my guard is raised. Thanks again

OP posts:
Original poster
Nomorebagels · 13/12/2023 22:35

I’ve managed to deactivate safe search settings on my phone and I’ve joined the site, taking 20 years off my age. I thought he was watching porn but having joined it seems to be about hook ups. Let’s see if he approaches me on there… That would be it, game over.

OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 13/12/2023 22:59

I have an ex who I caught on there. I saw something flash up on his phone by accident, and he was keen to keep his phone close to him. It was his reaction to his phone message that made me suspect all was not well. I made a fake profile and trapped him. He was angry to be caught as we were in a serious relationship, and he must have enjoyed having a secret second life. It was a right eye-opener and I was a mix of furious and sickened. He had been dogging, going with couples to clubs as their guest, engaging in threesomes and meeting random women who had left him good reviews. Anyone who knew him would have thought he was such a nice, decent person who would never do that. All in all, it was grim and I never spoke to him again after that day. I was under the impression it was difficult for lone males to access clubs, or meet couples on these sites. I was wrong, and there was nothing special about him in terms of looks, or charisma. The vanilla sex is probably reserved for you as the 'good girlfriend' in his mind. His other interests are for swingers etc. If men want to see porn, there are dozens of websites out there catering for all sorts. There are plenty of webcam options etc if they want an interactive experience. I think fabswingers is mostly for people seeking encounters with other people either in person, in the great outdoors or in clubs/ social events. It was an absolute deal breaker for me, as I think it is grim on lots of levels. He could never have rebuilt the trust and the thought of him touching me made my skin crawl after findng out his hobbies. I hope you realise you can never trust him, or really know him. He has hidden this side of his life from you. Please get your sexual health checked out as you have no idea who or what he has been up to.

Original poster
Nomorebagels · 13/12/2023 23:39

@scoobydoo1971 thank you for this. My eyes have been opened after joining the site. I thought he was so vanilla but now I am wondering if he’s hiding - and has been for 9 years! - a whole other side to himself. You never really know anyone do you? It’s a lot to process after so long of being in what I thought was a good, trusting relationship. I’m wondering what the hell he’s been doing over the years.
Also, it is grim. I’ve had 50 plus emails from men within an hour of joining, all seedy and they make my skin crawl.

OP posts:
NeonSoda · 13/12/2023 23:42

FabSwingers is primarily for people to meet up for casual sex (swinging) either in private homes, outside, or at swing clubs.

in my experience, probably more than 50% of men on the site are there without their partners knowledge.

PansyPolly · 13/12/2023 23:53

Nomorebagels · 13/12/2023 23:39

@scoobydoo1971 thank you for this. My eyes have been opened after joining the site. I thought he was so vanilla but now I am wondering if he’s hiding - and has been for 9 years! - a whole other side to himself. You never really know anyone do you? It’s a lot to process after so long of being in what I thought was a good, trusting relationship. I’m wondering what the hell he’s been doing over the years.
Also, it is grim. I’ve had 50 plus emails from men within an hour of joining, all seedy and they make my skin crawl.

Edited

I don’t doubt you, OP, but I’ve never had a message on there except from someone i knew IRL who asked if we could connect on there.

There is an option to search new profiles though and I assume you are coming up in those.

Do you have location on? I’ve never put that on, I don’t think.

Original poster
Nomorebagels · 14/12/2023 00:04

@PansyPolly you’ve only met people IRL on it? I’ve had some really grim messages, all from no one I know. And I don’t even have a pic or a bio. Not checked any of the things you’re supposed to be into either. I do have location on as I want to see if he will contact me. Everyone who contacted me seems to be within 2/3 miles

OP posts:
PansyPolly · 14/12/2023 00:10

Ah, yes, I can see you would need location on for that!

Sorry - would have been clearer to say that I am polyamorous and one of my partners asked if I was on there. So I joined and I think paid £5 for some kind of basic membership, friended him and had a bit of a look round. I looked at some of the chat/cam rooms but didn’t find it a turn on, so I didn’t bother with it much!

ChateauDuMont · 14/12/2023 00:49

My advice is that you only have one life so spend it in the company or someone who doesn't just live you but has the same morals and standards as you, respects you and is loyal.

He appears to be something you would want to scrape off your shoe and is t a loyal and loving partner.

Alargeoneplease89 · 14/12/2023 06:42

Nomorebagels · 14/12/2023 00:04

@PansyPolly you’ve only met people IRL on it? I’ve had some really grim messages, all from no one I know. And I don’t even have a pic or a bio. Not checked any of the things you’re supposed to be into either. I do have location on as I want to see if he will contact me. Everyone who contacted me seems to be within 2/3 miles

Do you know his profile? I can't understand how you will know if he's contacted you, alot of guys don't put pictures on and if they do it's not very identifying.

Jennyontheblock · 15/12/2023 07:50

I wouldn’t read a lot into it. It’s not a big deal my husband is on fab he’s just nosey sod. Fab has a who’s near location which he loves to nose and see who’s local. I have the odd nose myself. Some people just have curious minds.

Confused118 · 15/12/2023 11:34

Neverbeen on that site but since me and an ex were curious about this sort of thing I always take an interest in these sites and i'll prob check out this one too literally for idle curiousity, it doesn't mean at all that he's cheated on you.

Stefdav84 · 05/08/2024 19:48

I’ve found out my partner of 24 months has recently been on fab swingers. He has said he only goes on there to have a w*. But I struggle to Believe this as he can go on many porn sites to find this kind of content? What should I do? My head is all over the place. I used to do camming Back in the day and im familiar with loads of sites but this one im sure is to only arrange meets? Thank you.xxx

PansyPolly · 05/08/2024 20:04

@Stefdav84 if you used to do camming, I’m surprised you don’t know fab.

You have revived an old thread and IIRC the thread describes Fab. However - it isn’t solely for meet-ups, you can also use it to watch couples have sex or solos wanking. Some people send requests for what the “performers” do. So it’s possible he is using it for that, not meet-ups.

Stefdav84 · 05/08/2024 20:23

No I’ve never heard of it lol. I only did AW for about 6 months about 2 years ago.

and I really hope so 😢