Who do you talk to when you have no one?

AFortressDeepAndMighty · 2023-12-07T20:53:09+00:00

Just that really. I have brother I'm not close to who's quite self centred and who I'm superficially close with. Eg we get on when we see each other but we only see each other once or twice a year with our families. I have two children who are late teens and early 20s. I don't really have any friends. I know a lot of people and have a couple of good work friends and a few friends through hobbies but they're not close and we only meet up to do the hobby and any chat is hobby related. I have a partner but the relationship doesn't feel right any more. I've posted on here a couple of times about specific things I was worried about but the posts went unanswered. There's too much in my head. I need someone to talk to. Not just about stuff I'm worried about but about light hearted fun stuff. I had a few good friends a few years ago but the friendships ended for different reasons. I just feel so lonely.

Confused38246 · 07/12/2023 20:53

Samaritans. You can phone, live chat via a chat box, email or write to them.

Chelsea543 · 07/12/2023 20:55

I have no one also and that’s why I’m here. I have people (siblings) I could confide in and I did used to, but I found they never confided in me about problems. Then I realised the more I tell people about my problems - especially relationship ones - the worse my relationship looks to them all.
So now I either journal things in a diary or write on mumsnet - and I’m looking into a therapist.

Chelsea543 · 07/12/2023 20:56

Also I find if I tell a friend or family member they will always be biased to me. If I then don’t follow their advice or things are OK then they would probably be annoyed that I even went to them for advice.

Giddyupballoon · 07/12/2023 20:59

Samaritans really aren’t there for lighthearted, fun stuff. You definitely don’t have to be suicidal to phone them but they aren’t there for a chat.

LadySylviaMcCordle · 07/12/2023 21:00

I'm lonely, too.

When I'm home alone, I literally talk to myself out loud.
I sort of role play the conversation, to cover lots of different situations.
It helps me process things.

Yes, i'm a pathetic.

Balloonhearts · 07/12/2023 21:03

My therapist. Its expensive but to me, it's a necessity.

LadySylviaMcCordle · 07/12/2023 21:03

Giddyupballoon · 07/12/2023 20:59

Samaritans really aren’t there for lighthearted, fun stuff. You definitely don’t have to be suicidal to phone them but they aren’t there for a chat.

They're a listening service. I don't see why they wouldn't listen to someone get things off their chest.

It would make a nice change from all the men making 'M calls'.

Original poster

AFortressDeepAndMighty · 07/12/2023 21:04

Giddyupballoon · 07/12/2023 20:59

Samaritans really aren’t there for lighthearted, fun stuff. You definitely don’t have to be suicidal to phone them but they aren’t there for a chat.

That's the problem.

I'd love to have someone I can share the highs and lows of life with. The Samaritans aren't there for that. Nor are they there for 'advice'. I can tell myself the stuff the samarians would say.

I also talk to myself but my advice isn't impartial and I always know what I'm going to say!

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Giddyupballoon · 07/12/2023 21:05

@LadySylviaMcCordle

I don’t think that’s pathetic at all. It’s just processing things and seems fine to me.

Original poster

AFortressDeepAndMighty · 07/12/2023 21:06

Balloonhearts · 07/12/2023 21:03

My therapist. Its expensive but to me, it's a necessity.

It's not an equal relationship though, is it?

I'm not being dismissive of therapy but that's not what I need.

I mean, I'd probably benefit from it but I need a friend. And I've run out of steam tbh. I'm pouring from an empty cracked mug at the moment. I've got nothing to give. No place to start from.

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onlysortoflikegardening · 07/12/2023 21:08

I was going to say post on here, but if you have and aren't getting responses. Not sure why or what you've posted. I'm guessing people maybe don't know what to say.

Depending on why you need someone there are individual peer supports out there you could meet with, or support groups. Can you sum up the situation in a sentence or two?

Original poster

AFortressDeepAndMighty · 07/12/2023 21:12

My partner has gone out with a few of his friends this evening. I was invited but, tbh, I don't have the capacity to be sociable at the moment.

I know I'd have struggled and didn't want to spoil his evening so I stayed home. They're his friends, not mine and, as nice as they are, I didn't want to spend the evening fifth wheeling with him and three of his mates.

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worriedgal · 07/12/2023 21:14

I'm sorry you are struggling.
I would talk and confide in dh so to me it seems that your relationship isn't working for you if you're unable to share life's issues and problems with your significant other and maybe working out if it's the relationship you want would be a first step towards your own happiness going forward be that couples counselling or deciding it's not working for you.

hadrianswallsycamore · 07/12/2023 21:17

I don't have many friends either and don't really confide in people. Talk to me!

SlothOfDespair · 07/12/2023 21:17

You need to think of one of your acquaintances/ hobby friends who you feel a connection to, and then try and cultivate the relationship. Take it beyond acquaintance level by suggesting/ going for a coffee? or by trying to move the conversation on to something other than the hobby.
Then, see how it goes. It does take time (and work) to develop deeper relationships and friendships. But it's up to you to initiate.
It's a shame you don't feel you can talk to your partner. That's a big issue that needs addressing.

Original poster

AFortressDeepAndMighty · 07/12/2023 21:19

onlysortoflikegardening · 07/12/2023 21:08

I was going to say post on here, but if you have and aren't getting responses. Not sure why or what you've posted. I'm guessing people maybe don't know what to say.

Depending on why you need someone there are individual peer supports out there you could meet with, or support groups. Can you sum up the situation in a sentence or two?

Yes, at the time I took it to mean people didn't know what to say.

I'm not sure I want to go into detail really but thanks for asking. Only because I don't really know what the specific issue is. Only that I feel lost. I've lost my way. Everything looks the same but I don't recognise any of it anymore.

I can remember myself of a couple of years ago but I don't know where that person is or why she went away, and I can't find my way back to her..

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Crushed23 · 07/12/2023 21:19

I talk out loud in my flat and don’t think it’s pathetic at all!

AutumnFroglets · 07/12/2023 21:21

I hear you OP. My world is even smaller due to being almost housebound and sometimes I just need a whinge, or a laugh, or companionship.

Right now I am forcing myself to go to a social group for people with my health condition. I don't appear to have anything in common with them but I'm hoping that eventually, over time, there will be. Is there a social group near you, ramblers or crochet/knitting, book club type thing?

onlysortoflikegardening · 07/12/2023 21:22

AFortressDeepAndMighty · 07/12/2023 21:19

Yes, at the time I took it to mean people didn't know what to say.

I'm not sure I want to go into detail really but thanks for asking. Only because I don't really know what the specific issue is. Only that I feel lost. I've lost my way. Everything looks the same but I don't recognise any of it anymore.

I can remember myself of a couple of years ago but I don't know where that person is or why she went away, and I can't find my way back to her..

Show quote history

It sounds like finding your way back to you is something maybe a professional can help with. Have you had a medical check up recently? Sometimes it can pay to check everything physically is in balance. You might also find talk therapy can help you.

More generally, how would you feel about joining some small groups, like an exercise class, hobby group, support group, walking group, book club, coffee group - just something to get you connecting with other people in a small way?

category12 · 07/12/2023 21:23

Maybe you should go to your GP and talk about your low mood and see if medication might be an option or whether there's a physical/hormonal cause underlying. I think then you might feel more able to make some changes in your life.

After all, it's a bit self-perpetuating if you're feeling awful because you have no-one to talk to, but are too low/disheartened to try to socialise.

If you're unhappy with your partner, maybe you could plan to leave the relationship?

Original poster

AFortressDeepAndMighty · 07/12/2023 21:24

SlothOfDespair · 07/12/2023 21:17

You need to think of one of your acquaintances/ hobby friends who you feel a connection to, and then try and cultivate the relationship. Take it beyond acquaintance level by suggesting/ going for a coffee? or by trying to move the conversation on to something other than the hobby.
Then, see how it goes. It does take time (and work) to develop deeper relationships and friendships. But it's up to you to initiate.
It's a shame you don't feel you can talk to your partner. That's a big issue that needs addressing.

That is obviously good advice because it's the right thing to do.

I've done it before and it's worked for a while but I'm not in contact with any of those friends anymore for various reasons. I know the theory behind it but I haven't been able to make it work or sustain it.

The problem I have with the hobby is that I do it with three men - two of whom are 10 years older than me and one who is 28 years older. All great men, fun and friendly but not looking to pursue a friendship with me! I'm looking for other people to do the hobby with (female; closer to my age maybe) but it's not that easy.

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Therunecaster · 07/12/2023 21:26

I'm feeling this too. Happy to chat with anyone who's up for it.

Mum2jenny · 07/12/2023 21:26

I’ve used the Samaritans recently to offload stuff and talk things through. It was very helpful and I got straight through with no waiting. So it may be an option OP?

Original poster

AFortressDeepAndMighty · 07/12/2023 21:26

AutumnFroglets · 07/12/2023 21:21

I hear you OP. My world is even smaller due to being almost housebound and sometimes I just need a whinge, or a laugh, or companionship.

Right now I am forcing myself to go to a social group for people with my health condition. I don't appear to have anything in common with them but I'm hoping that eventually, over time, there will be. Is there a social group near you, ramblers or crochet/knitting, book club type thing?

The hobby I have takes me out of the house one night a week and quite often at the weekend too for events. I don't really have the capacity for more than that at the moment.

I work quite long hours akd, even when I don't, I'm so tired and emotionally drained by the end of the day that I can't really face going out in the evenings any more than I do.

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Original poster

AFortressDeepAndMighty · 07/12/2023 21:32

category12 · 07/12/2023 21:23

Maybe you should go to your GP and talk about your low mood and see if medication might be an option or whether there's a physical/hormonal cause underlying. I think then you might feel more able to make some changes in your life.

After all, it's a bit self-perpetuating if you're feeling awful because you have no-one to talk to, but are too low/disheartened to try to socialise.

If you're unhappy with your partner, maybe you could plan to leave the relationship?

I've thought about that. I'm put off trying to get to the GP simply because making an appointment is nigh on impossible now. I haven't seen my GP for nearly 5 years!

I have a lot of social contact during the day at work. Almost too much.

But you're right, it is self perpetuating. I know that and can obviously see it, but I have no energy left to be sociable. I've forced myself to do it before but I end up sitting quietly with nothing to say because I'm lost in my head and with nothing to say. Even when I'm wracking my brains to find something, there's nothing there.

I feel awkward and self conscious too. Embarrassed by who I am.

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