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Original poster

Who do you talk to when you have no one?

80 replies

AFortressDeepAndMighty · 07/12/2023 20:53

Just that really.

I have brother I'm not close to who's quite self centred and who I'm superficially close with. Eg we get on when we see each other but we only see each other once or twice a year with our families.

I have two children who are late teens and early 20s.

I don't really have any friends. I know a lot of people and have a couple of good work friends and a few friends through hobbies but they're not close and we only meet up to do the hobby and any chat is hobby related.

I have a partner but the relationship doesn't feel right any more.

I've posted on here a couple of times about specific things I was worried about but the posts went unanswered.

There's too much in my head. I need someone to talk to. Not just about stuff I'm worried about but about light hearted fun stuff.

I had a few good friends a few years ago but the friendships ended for different reasons.

I just feel so lonely.

OP posts:
Original poster
AFortressDeepAndMighty · 07/12/2023 21:33

Therunecaster · 07/12/2023 21:26

I'm feeling this too. Happy to chat with anyone who's up for it.

I think the most frustrating part at the moment is that I feel too lost and stuck in my head to even know where to start.

OP posts:
Therunecaster · 07/12/2023 21:35

We have kids the same age and a relationship that's faltering. Stuff in common. And I'm from the North so can talk to anyone... Smile

category12 · 07/12/2023 21:37

AFortressDeepAndMighty · 07/12/2023 21:32

I've thought about that. I'm put off trying to get to the GP simply because making an appointment is nigh on impossible now. I haven't seen my GP for nearly 5 years!

I have a lot of social contact during the day at work. Almost too much.

But you're right, it is self perpetuating. I know that and can obviously see it, but I have no energy left to be sociable. I've forced myself to do it before but I end up sitting quietly with nothing to say because I'm lost in my head and with nothing to say. Even when I'm wracking my brains to find something, there's nothing there.

I feel awkward and self conscious too. Embarrassed by who I am.

Show quote history

I think it's time to go 'though. Maybe your GP has an e-consult service you could try first or if not, just try to get an appointment.

You sound depressed to me. Lack of energy and everything seeming too hard/nothing will work - worth talking to a doc.

ElAmerico · 07/12/2023 21:47

Writing in a diary is cathartic and it doesnt have to be perfect, neat writing, it could even be doodlings. Often when i look back as little as a few hours later i have a new perspective and feel much better. We already have all the answers, we know what we need to do and for me my perfect non judgmental sounding board is my diary.
Friendships can be lost over telling them what to do, people get sick of hearing the same moaning about stuff without tgeir advice taken.. if you wanted to try therapy again for someone to advuce i think humanist centric therapists are ones who actually give advice like an agony aunt type but anyone dishing out advice can be irritating if we dont like what they say so it goes back to us being receptive to our own inner voice and accepting that we cant stay stuck paraylsed by fear in life, taking responsibility for our choices and decisions and if we dont like where they got us then we consciously work to accept it or change it.

Topiography · 07/12/2023 21:54

@AFortressDeepAndMighty
Would you consider going to a local church, OP?
Apart from the Sunday services, there are often mid week activities too, people of all ages and backgrounds to talk to and to share experiences with.

Confused38246 · 07/12/2023 21:55

Giddyupballoon · 07/12/2023 20:59

Samaritans really aren’t there for lighthearted, fun stuff. You definitely don’t have to be suicidal to phone them but they aren’t there for a chat.

They are. If you're feeling low and lonely they are there for that as much as the suicidal folks

AllrightNowBaby · 07/12/2023 21:58

Hi Op, I can see at least half a dozen people on here who have reached out to you for a chat, you could PM them. You don’t need to jump in at the deep end with them right away, just general chat about your family, work, hobbies and after a while you will ba able to talk about personal things.
i have a friend in America, I met him through an online game where there was a comment section and he told me “well done” one day. We’ve chatted nearly every day for over two years now, I’ve been through his cancer treatment with him and his getting back to work… he’s years younger than me and right at the beginning I told him I was old enough to be his mum, he told me he just liked talking to me, as a friend. We just talk about life, what’s going on in our lives at the moment, give advice to each other.
I find it great having someone like him to talk to about anything and everything.
I do have family and friends but he’s just great to tell things you don’t want to worry people with.
So, start chatting to the people on here…..

Seaoftroubles · 07/12/2023 22:00

OP, l also think you sound depressed. Do please try to see your GP and explain how you are feeling. It could be a number of things eg low iron, thyroid or hormonal issues, so a general check up and blood tests would be advisable.
I would also encourage you to consider having some therapy where you could explore these feelings of being lost and stuck in your head. Having someone to listen and support you could really help you.

zeddybrek · 07/12/2023 22:03

My elderly mother went to her GP about loneliness and he offered anti depressants but she refused. Instead he got a NHS wellbeing service to phone her and she is going to a local social group to connect other people feeling lonely. I'm not entirely sure what the service is called but maybe that is available in your area.

BullAndDoring · 07/12/2023 22:05

@AFortressDeepAndMighty - I get it. Seriously, I do.
In a similar situation.
Married but no one to talk to about the serious stuff. MN is here, but in my mind it'll be published and that won't help. Samaratons isn't what it need right now what do I do?

BullAndDoring · 07/12/2023 22:06

Sorry, I think what I'm saying is, you're not alone. Would love an answer or help though.

Confused38246 · 07/12/2023 22:08

Samaritans are brilliant for using as a sounding board. I have done so tonight over a very serious issue that is affecting me. I'm not suicidal but I needed someone impartial and to speak anonymously about it without it being recorded. It sounds like the exact service some of you are seeking.

Tbry · 07/12/2023 22:16

I’d like to have the answer to this too.

I am no contact or low contact with all of my family nowadays and no longer in contact with my close friend. I live in a different part of the country to where I’m from and don’t know anyone here at all. I have my partner and one adult child and that’s it.

So I feel very lonely at times, only need a chat and a cup of tea with someone. I’ve tried a local ladies social group but didn’t go so well as I’m not that great at that sort of thing so now I’m out of ideas too.

Ebokebok · 07/12/2023 22:32

You said you posted a couple of times previously about your relationship but got no responses. Do you want to try again here? There's loads of people on here who offer a listening ear or good advice if that's what you need.

Nightskystarsmoon · 07/12/2023 22:44

@LadySylviaMcCordle not pathetic at all. I understand @AFortressDeepAndMighty, I'm experiencing much the same.

lizkt · 07/12/2023 23:27

I felt this way a lot when my best friend moved away. I've made a couple of new friends on Bumble BFF, which has been brilliant and can go out for dinner or drink and have a chat. It takes a bit of time to strike up these new friendships but I feel over time, it's been well worth it.

whimsicalmoon · 07/12/2023 23:42

I'm in the same boat, and on top of it, I've barely been able to leave the house all year because of a billion health problems I've had going on. I've found online chatting really helps. It's of course not the same as real life friends, but it does help me to feel less lonely, and it's a way to chat to people about my day. I've met people in chat groups (Discord etc.) that I have on Whatsapp and text, and it really does help.

I personally have found that a lot of people these days are just fair weather friends, and so I've given up on real-life friendships until I'm able to enjoy them for what they are - people to have a drink with or go for the odd walk with or whatever. I think I would continue to talk to my online friends about "serious" stuff and keep real-life friendships light, because that seems to be what people want.

Aroundthewaygirl · 08/12/2023 00:25

LadySylviaMcCordle · 07/12/2023 21:00

I'm lonely, too.

When I'm home alone, I literally talk to myself out loud.
I sort of role play the conversation, to cover lots of different situations.
It helps me process things.

Yes, i'm a pathetic.

I was going to post something similar. I usually talk to myself and try to analyze behaviors and situations. Sometimes it helps. Most people don’t want to hear others drone on and on about things so I keep most things to myself.

Curtainscurtains · 08/12/2023 00:28

LadySylviaMcCordle · 07/12/2023 21:03

They're a listening service. I don't see why they wouldn't listen to someone get things off their chest.

It would make a nice change from all the men making 'M calls'.

Show quote history

Loneliness is often a reason to call Samaritans. They do have training on getting chatty callers off the line but they will have a chat about their situation first.

Coolstorysis · 08/12/2023 00:32

Samesies, modern life is so isolating. Its harder because I have zero interest in any kind of typically group things like crafts and whatnot.

Coolstorysis · 08/12/2023 00:37

Also happy to chat if there's a group going Grin

Longsuffering123 · 08/12/2023 00:42

I feel loneliness is a really big issue and there's so many people struggling out there. Must be a way of connecting with MNers in the same boat! Journaling helps me massively and I've always kept a diary from aslong as I can remember.

Loneliness has always been a friend of mine.. sorry I'm breaking into a backstreet boys' song here 🤣 but it' true. I've never really felt like I fit in. Other than in secondary school, I've always found it difficult to make and maintain friendships. Those friends have mostly disappeared and the couple I am in touch with, we talk every few months. It's always great to catch up but they never seem to retain anything I tell them about myself so I feel like I repeat myself alot.

I grew really close to a girl I met at the school gates. Started off as very lighthearted and then we'd text every day and share what we were up to, problems, advice, recipes, funny memes, everything. We were like best friends. She moved away last year and later confessed she "needs a break from all her friends' negativity as it's draining". We have reduced communication massively. I've stopped sharing any problems with her (it was always equal in that regard I supported her when her husband was being an arse, her health issues and so much more). I now let her initiate contact. It hurts to lose someone I could banter with on a daily basis, but I respect her honesty and don't want to lose her entirely.

It's shit OP. Could you maybe get in touch with old school/college/uni friends via FB that you lost contact with but had a good connection with? A different hobby perhaps with ladies of a similar age? I'm thinking of joining a local walking group (when weather improves) and maybe volunteering at youngest DS's nursery - when I feel better, as I feel awful too - tired, brain fog, unexplained aches and pains, zero motivation to do anything (currently I drop DS off and crawl back into bed and stay there until it's pick up time). I blame this time of year as well as I recall feeling flat this time last year too! The crap northern weather doesn't help so perhaps getting a blood test is a good idea.

Sorry I'm rambling as though this is my diary lol!

Speckson · 08/12/2023 00:59

If you have a niche hobby could you join an online group to chat about it? I made several lasting (female) friends this way when I was a huge fan of a cult TV show and there was no-one I knew, no local groups even remotely involved in fan activities. Eventually I started meeting up with them at conventions etc. and we had a lot of fun - still in touch with a few after 20 years!
I also belong to a walking group - I find it's very easy to chat about all sorts of things as you walk. The exercise also lightens my mood.

RantyAnty · 08/12/2023 01:03

AI bot

Flyhigher · 08/12/2023 05:48

What's the hobby?

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