Thanks for the replies.
It's sad to read, but I'm not surprised, that so many people feel similarly.
I agree with those who've said It's not what the Samaritans is for. I don't feel desperate or suicidal and I don't need to offload.
Why have other friendships fallen by the wayside? In some cases, I don't really know. I've met some great women over the past 10 years or so through various hobbies over had at the time. But they all fizzle out from their side really. It's been me who suggested meeting for lunch or a night out but it was always me who made contact and suggested going out. I never heard from any of them in the meantime. Eventually, I started to feel like I was imposing in them and they were meeting me out of politeness and an inability to say "no" so I stopped asking as often and then not at all and never heard from them again.
One or two, I stil make the effort with but now they just have reasons (excuses?) why they can't meet.
A couple who say they'll get in touch with dates that they're free and never do so I've taken the hint there!
A few who were single when we met but no longer are and have prioritised new partners and more established/longer term friendships.
I ended a few longer term friendships of 5-10 years over the last 5 years because they just weren't people I wanted in my life anymore due to their actions. I don't regret that although I'm sad it came to that.
Several were women who are around 10+ years older than me (not that it mattered or that you'd have known) and elderly parents and grandchildren (and now retirement) started taking up their time. I'm not at the grandchildren stage yet! And I don't have parents to become elderly so no shared life experiences there.
Just life stuff really.
I'm a primary school teacher so it's hard to find the time to develop new friendships. I work in the evenings or I'm just so tired from the day that I don't have the capacity to go out and socialise.
My partner just seems to have lost interest in me. Probably for the above reasons. He's kind and decent and would be a brilliant partner for someone who had the capacity to he a great partner back but I don't. He spends most of his evenings now just playing games on his phone or scrolling through fb. I think he feels as shit about it as I do but that's where we we are.
He was scrolling through fb a couple of nights ago and stopped to tell me there was a whole fb group devoted to people posting photos of other people who'd falled asleep on coaches etc on the way back from football games. He said it was utterly mindnumbing. And yet he still chose to scroll through that than spend time with me. And I don't blame him tbh.
Our sex life has dwindled to a couple of times a month. I have no idea if it's because he's no longer attracted to me but needs occasional sex or because that emotional 'connection' isn't there because of the above. He says he is attracted to me but I don't see any sign of it.
I initiated sex last week in an attempt to - I don't know - do something. And he faked an orgasm. Which I think is what triggered me feeling so bad now. It just all feels so utterly pointless.
I love him and I know he loves me but it feels like it's falling apart.
My hobby is music based. Everyone else I know who does something similar has made loads of friends/acquaintances through it but that hasn't happened for me.. even though I've tried.
I just feel I'm getting something wrong at every turn!
I know I sound quite miserable on this thread but that's because it's really come to a head recently but I'm not like this when I am being sociable. I don't want to moan and complain to people. I want to laugh and have fun.
No one knows how I feel. I went out with my son to see a band a few weeks ago. We quite often go out together and always have a great time but he's my son and half my age and has his own life!
When I have met up with friends for lunch or coffee, I listen to their life woes, share a few of mine (proportionally), we have a laugh etc and people always say I'm lovely, funny etc but it just doesn't translate into anything more.
Tbh, I've become a bit mustrustful of people and friendships so I'm a bit nervous, apathetic even maybe at times, about doing it again because, after 10 years, it feel inevitable that it will come to nothing.
My partner gets on well with one of the men I do the hobby with and we both like his wife. We've invited them out a couple of times but they've been unable to make it and nothing further has been suggested. That sort of thing.
Like I say, I just feel bit lost and deflated. I don't feel interesting or fun or attractive anymore. My partner went out last night. It wasn't a late night and he was back by 10.30pm. I was already in bed. He got into bed, made a bit of small talk, kissed me goodnight and then got his phone out. I think he's just bored.