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Original poster

Ladies.. playing "hard to get" works!

115 replies

ArseyAnnabelle · 04/12/2023 10:14

So, I've been having casual sex with this guy for just over 4 years. It had never occurred to me before but I have never ever turned down his request to hook up. Even if that meant rearranging minor plans (like postponing hair wash day, something like that). The sex really is just that good. Blush

2 weeks ago I came down with this brutal cold that's going about so when he messaged saying "thinking of coming round on Wednesday", I said I had to postpone.

No word of a lie, he has text me every day since then. Asking how I'm feeling, how my week is going, general chit chat. Normally he would only text twice a week at most, and one of those would be arranging to meet.

At first I thought he's just gauging how I'm feeling so he knows when we can hook up again but he's been messaging on days when I know he's out of town so wouldn't even be available to meet.

On Saturday night, we messaged for hours, and he's asked if I want to go out for Christmas drinks once I'm fully recovered... something we've never done in these 4 years.

This is not a Hallmark friends-to-lovers story because neither of us are looking to pursue a real relationship with the other, but it's definitely got me thinking that playing "hard to get" even unintentionally really does work!

OP posts:
Rocksonabeach · 04/12/2023 17:44

Free good sex on tap once or twice a week for 4 years - hundreds of shags for no commitment or outgoings. No emotional tie.

of course he minds you are a free shag. Can you imagine if you suddenly got a boyfriend or stopped. Where will he go then? Or worse will she want a relationship ?

olivialennox · 04/12/2023 17:48

OP is also benefitting from free good sex on tap from him, she is ‘using him for sex’ just as much as he is using her. These replies are weird.

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/12/2023 17:53

Casual sex benefits men, meanwhile you're still single getting older everyday and no partner or husband that can actually help you out in life. 4 years of this arrangement. Wow

Why on Earth do you think that a woman needs a husband or partner? Or a man to "help out in life". Jesus Christ I want neither, nor do I need any help! Go away with your "wow". Rude.

itsmyp4rty · 04/12/2023 17:59

I've always waited a couple of months at least before I've had sex. Never had a one night stand and always had long relationships with everyone I've slept with. It's not playing hard to get IMO, it's just making sure it's going in the direction I want it to - which is a relationship.

You want something different though, it sounds like you're having fun so play it however you like. If you're enjoying getting a bit more attention then don't make it quite so easy for him. If you're sure this is what you want then it's not up to anyone else to tell you that you should or shouldn't want.

LightSpeeds · 04/12/2023 18:14

He thinks you're with someone else - all the messages are to assure himself that you are actually ill and not busy shagging someone else.

Original poster
ArseyAnnabelle · 04/12/2023 18:35

LightSpeeds · 04/12/2023 18:14

He thinks you're with someone else - all the messages are to assure himself that you are actually ill and not busy shagging someone else.

Fair assumption!

OP posts:
BinkyBeaufort · 04/12/2023 22:31

It sounds as though you are having fun with a like minded lover. Keep on enjoying yourselves and don't let the cats bum miseries on here who can't credit that a woman can make choices about when and with whom she can have sex bring you down.

Chouxpastryishard · 05/12/2023 06:05

Is he married by any chance?

SparklingSparkle · 05/12/2023 06:07

It definitely works. Men are so odd. I've been with my DH over 20 years and he still says my total indifference at the start of the relationship was what kept him interested and drove him mad.

Simpledimples · 05/12/2023 06:33

Totally understand your post OP, an observation on your arrangement. On Mumsnet, a lot can't understand women who don't want/need to be in a relationship. Why can't people understand that? I'm exactly the same, I have an arrangement. He too does try to infiltrate my life - usually by trying to do DIY in my house (nope, I'll pay someone thanks!). I love not having the mundane crap I see in friend's in relationships 'whats for dinner tonight? 'are you picking ds up from X activity?'. Yawn.

I have a busy career, a child and would never want to live with a man. I don't have time for someone else. How many posts do you see on here where the woman is being financially abused, is trapped in a crap relationship but can't leave as they've given up their career and independence. I have met many men through online dating who are married whose dw probably have no clue! No thanks. Enjoy op!

sammylady37 · 05/12/2023 06:51

Psyberbaby · 04/12/2023 14:00

If its not an affair, then why would you have a man who is great in bed, who you really like as a person, who you consider a friend, whose attention you enjoy, and NOT want to progress things?

Maybe because she simply doesn’t want a committed relationship? It’s not the holy grail for every woman, despite the MN narrative.

sammylady37 · 05/12/2023 06:55

The misogyny on this thread is absolutely disgusting. As is the transactional attitude to sex, which is ironic as those castigating the op for being a ‘cheap’ or ‘free’ shag are essentially outing themselves as no different to those whom they judge, it’s just that what is being offered/exchanged for sex differs. Reminds me of that old joke “would you sleep with me for a million dollars?” well, yes “would you sleep with me for ten dollars?” of course not! What sort of woman do you think I am?! “We have already established what sort of woman you are, we are now merely haggling over the price”

CreationNat1on · 05/12/2023 07:37

Yes, the mysogyny is jaw dropping. The transactional game that women are expected to play and the Madonna whore complex is really dated. Educate yourselves about the patriarchy, female autonomy, female sexuality and accept that women don't need to be partnered up to be content.

Many are more content not tethered to a man.

SkySecret · 05/12/2023 07:54

Gawd there’s some bitter, warped people on this thread!

I get what you’re saying OP. (Now scurry off and find yourself a man to look after you like a good little girl 😉)

Original poster
ArseyAnnabelle · 05/12/2023 08:27

Thank you to the posters who see this thread for what it's actually supposed to be. Smile

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