Feel like a slave

[Noonetoldmeaboutit]

I moved in with OH earlier this year, we have 6 children between us (4 his, 2 mine) he has 50/50, mine are with their dad 2 nights a week.

since I have moved in I feel like I have got to the point where I do everything and he does nothing in the house apart from cook and most times it’s a joint effort.

he works a lot and I feel like he has planned all these nights out and he just expects me to be there to have all the kids (even when I don’t have mine).

we have a nice life in that we go out for tea once or twice a week and have drinks once a week in the local village but this is usually midweek off the cuff.

if I ask him if we can go something specific he won’t plan or make arrangements yet he can plan all sorts of nights out with other people.

i feel like he doesn’t make any effort anymore to do stuff with me, when I have said anything he just tell me we do stuff all the time which we do but it’s just to the local village after he has got home from work.

he makes me feel like I’m being unreasonable and maybe I am but I just feel like I’m just here doing everything and he doesn’t really care to make any effort to plan stuff with me.

suppose I just want to know how to deal with these feelings if anyone had any advice

He earns a fortune and you are paying off his mortgage? No no no no no.

Get new stuff get in your own house. Run. He wants a nanny for his kids to help them be good teenagers. Four kids. What. Nooooooo.

Do NOT pay his mortgage. He saw you coming.

Buy that nice house in the area you fancy living in.

And for now, take your kids to their grandparents for the whole weekend.

You don’t often see a thread like this where every single poster agrees and are trying desperately to advise against something! OP we’re all really hoping you get out of this situation asap and can find your independence and happiness again. You can do this!

Just to add to everything else everyone has said:

I honestly wouldn't tell him anything until you are well gone.
He will do everything in his power to turn things around and make you believe it will work.
He'll throw everything including the kitchen sink (which you clean) at you.

He isn't going to take his free childcare/cleaner/cook/sex-on-tap leaving him easily.
He'll practically beg you, or gaslight you into thinking you are completely unreasonable.
Future fake etc..
Let your parents know what's happening and get out as quickly and stealthily as you can x

No discussions were made about childcare and other things prior to you moving in?

If he were your husband, wouldn't you help with childcare??

Why are you with him..especially this long, if you don't want to be a stepmother, and be involved much with his children??

Maybe he doesn't want to burden his mother anymore with his kids, nor should he want to. Perhaps he was looking for you to be more involved with the children and caring for them...as you are his partner who is living with him now...he may think this exchange is fair as he is providing more financially...and perhaps you have more free time. .which is fair in him thinking...especially if he was viewing this as progression towards marriage.

You sound like you are expecting him to do much more than he is capable of as he is stretched so thinly.

You said you two often go out and have a good time locally. Apparently that doesn't seem like it's good enough for you..as you want these outings to happen more often, and in various locations. He is tired , stressed after work, but manages to take you out often and make time for you...and you have a good time..what more do you want??

It sounds like you dont really want to be bothered with hie children much, especially since yours are more independent and don't spend time with you much.

If you're unhappy, leave and end things.

Don't spend your life in unhappiness.

Don't do this to uour life again.
In the future, date men without any children

It's not the 1950s anymore ! How ridiculous to think she should be an unpaid babysitter.

Don’t stay with him. He’s treating you as his unpaid nanny.