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Original poster

Crush on younger man

79 replies

AgentK · 29/11/2023 23:35

I’m 42 and really fancy a 23 year old I know through a hobby I do. I don’t know if I have no chance or even if he likes me but I do keep thinking about him. There’s a bit of flirting but I don’t know how to approach anything else! How do I work out if he likes me or just thinks I’m way too old for him!
is the age gap just too much to have any hope?
im not really looking for anything serious having just come out of an ltr but just wondering how to ascertain if he’s interested without making an absolute fool of myself or if it’s just a non starter with that sort of age gap

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 30/11/2023 07:11

You’re old enough to be his parent, so I’d say to stay away. If you were to make move, and he wasn’t interested and it became awkward, you’d then lose out on your hobby.

Freakinfraser · 30/11/2023 07:21

Yeah, that’s ick, irrelevant of the genders involved.

Sparthan · 30/11/2023 07:35

The age gap is enormous. He could easily be dating a 20yo, so in what universe do you think he’d pick a 42yo instead? Not to mention the fact that he probably wants kids eventually and you can’t give him them. Enjoy the crush but stay away and keep your mouth shut.

Anotherlurkingmale · 30/11/2023 08:11

Definitely think there's still double standards about age gap relationships. There's lots of older man younger woman relationships with this type of gap which people don't make much of a fuss over but somehow it's seen as more scandalous the other way.

Perhaps if anything does happen it's more likely to be fling than anything longer term but sounds like that would suit the OP in any case. With regards advice on seeing if he's interested I presume the hobby has social activities alongside it - if so use the next one of those (eg Christmas party) to get to know him more, get his phone number, ask him for a coffee some time and take it from there.

At the very least you'll have had some enjoyable flirting and who knows it may lead to something more. Unlikely to end in marriage but that's not what you're looking for at moment.

LongAndWindingRoads · 30/11/2023 08:13

Don't do it, you will make a fool out of yourself and it will all end in tears. Everyone will think your his Mum when out together.

alwaysmovingforwards · 30/11/2023 08:15

I think sexual attraction with a 20 year age gaps is entirely reasonable, verging on very normal.

The odds are low that it would develop into an LTR once the hormones settle.

But if it's just a fling and you're both single... why the hell not?

Zanatdy · 30/11/2023 08:16

I really wouldn’t go there, I’ve got a 30yr old son and I’m 47! So to me such an age gap is my kids generation or younger.

MarleyandMarleyWoo · 30/11/2023 08:18

Absolutely do not act on this, that’s too big a gap imo. My immediate reaction was that it was pretty gross tbh. The gap is too much and he is too young. In a way, I kind of think it would be worse to have ‘just’ a fling, shag someone your own age.

Dartmoorcheffy · 30/11/2023 08:18

There a 13 year difference for me (he was 31 when we got together ten years ago) but I think 20 years is too much for it to develop into anything other than a fling tbh.

Rania78 · 30/11/2023 08:39

OP, guys of this age may fancy older women but usually only for sex (see MILF). If you are looking for something temporary then ok, If you want to invest in the relationship then I’m afraid you might be in for a disappointment. Personally I do not like guys that young but If you are ok then go for it but bear in mind it would be only sex for him and this only for 1-2 times.

Lampzade · 30/11/2023 08:42

Don’t do it Op.

OldTinHat · 30/11/2023 08:47

Years ago, a friend who was then 46 'dated' her deceased friend's son who was 21. It was wrong on so many levels.

It didn't last long. Apparently, there was lots of sex but he got embarrassed at catcalls when he was out about him dating his 'granny'.

Don't go there, OP.

CherryBlossom321 · 30/11/2023 08:51

Personally I think if you’re old enough to be their parent then it’s inappropriate.

Freakinfraser · 30/11/2023 08:55

Anotherlurkingmale · 30/11/2023 08:11

Definitely think there's still double standards about age gap relationships. There's lots of older man younger woman relationships with this type of gap which people don't make much of a fuss over but somehow it's seen as more scandalous the other way.

Perhaps if anything does happen it's more likely to be fling than anything longer term but sounds like that would suit the OP in any case. With regards advice on seeing if he's interested I presume the hobby has social activities alongside it - if so use the next one of those (eg Christmas party) to get to know him more, get his phone number, ask him for a coffee some time and take it from there.

At the very least you'll have had some enjoyable flirting and who knows it may lead to something more. Unlikely to end in marriage but that's not what you're looking for at moment.

Only with Pervy men, both men and women find it ick past that.

Original poster
AgentK · 30/11/2023 08:56

Yeah you’re probably all right. No way he’d be interested anyway. Found out he’s 24 not 23 but doesn’t make much difference!
and you’re right about not wanting to lose out on the hobby in case it went wrong in whatever way.

thanks for talking me down!

OP posts:
marshmallowfinder · 30/11/2023 09:00

I think that many reactions on here are so outdated and ridiculous. If you like someone, see where it goes. If you have chemistry, you have chemistry. It's not based on an arbitrary number of years between you. You're both adults. It's no one else's business. I have experience of a 21 year age gap and it's brilliant. (Female is older.)

nomoretoriesforme · 30/11/2023 09:10

Op, you are both adults, so can do what you want. To check how much he is interested, flirt subtly back but leave the ball in his court. If he takes things forward, you reciprocate. If he doesn't, just leave it as it its. It's very very common nowadays for younger men to date older women. If you are both on the same page, it's no one else's business.

fruitpotato · 30/11/2023 09:54

It's gross for both sexes to do this. Leave him alone, don't be a creep.

Mrsbusybody · 30/11/2023 09:57

I say do what you want! I dated 40 year olds in my early twenties and had a blast.

Tooshytoshine · 30/11/2023 10:07

It's hard to know as you could be a very attractive, young 43 and he could be a very average 23 year old. It sounds like you just want a fling and some fun.

I am 43 and quite simply could not be arsed with someone in their twenties. There would be moments if fun where you also felt 23 but then moments where you caught sight of yourself or a look in somebody else's eyes that would bring you crashing very heavily back down to earth.

Steer clear.

BottleRocketInTheSky · 30/11/2023 10:16

Creepy. 🤮

Jewelspun · 30/11/2023 10:22

Of course you Satan's a chance. A chance of being fucked.

I'm much older than you and most of the attention I get nowadays are from young men mostly younger than my own son.

It appears to me a thing nowadays where young men are after sexual relations with mature women.

But unless you enjoy just being treated as a joke, then why not just enjoy fantasising about him and then your sights and raise your standards in forming relationships that have depth, meaning and with men who want more than a fire to poke.

Imagine the conversations with this young chap about music or films? He probably still plays video games. 😂

Sparthan · 30/11/2023 11:15

Imagine the conversations with this young chap about music or films? He probably still plays video games. 😂
I play video games and I’m 43 🤷‍♀️

Epidote · 30/11/2023 15:38

Emmanuel Macron is 45 and his wife Brigitte 70.
How mature is he? it is very unlikely you are going to be in the same page, but I just gave you an example of bigger age gap.
I wouldn't pursue anything just on the bases of him still being like a late teen. But who knows? Does he want to go in Politics?

buffyajp · 30/11/2023 15:47

CherryBlossom321 · 30/11/2023 08:51

Personally I think if you’re old enough to be their parent then it’s inappropriate.

Personally think this is a load of absolute nonsense. It might not be for you but there is absolutely nothing inappropriate about it as long as above the age of consent. My sisters husband is 15 years younger and he absolutely adores her. He treats her a hundred times better than her two previous husbands who were arseholes.