Crush on younger man

[AgentK]

I’m 42 and really fancy a 23 year old I know through a hobby I do. I don’t know if I have no chance or even if he likes me but I do keep thinking about him. There’s a bit of flirting but I don’t know how to approach anything else! How do I work out if he likes me or just thinks I’m way too old for him!
is the age gap just too much to have any hope?
im not really looking for anything serious having just come out of an ltr but just wondering how to ascertain if he’s interested without making an absolute fool of myself or if it’s just a non starter with that sort of age gap

It’s absolutely nothing of the sort and none of anyone else’s business

I disagree with the above. If it's just sex, go for it!

Guys at that age are looking for all they can get... to be honest, that probably never changes! You're the one he'll brag about to his friends, the one that'll come up as the biggest age gap (and probably the most fun and experienced!).

People here aren't thinking like guys (sorry). He'll consider it a compliment, and if he turns you down, no harm done.

@C1N1C It’s a predominantly womens forum. We’re well aware how some twatty men think. 🤢

There is something nauseating about this response. Almost salacious . And the boasting thing is grim.

And you may know something about how lads thing, but you certainly don’t know anything about how women think. There is nothing more guaranteed to make a woman run in the opposite direction than the thought of some imbecile boasting they had sex with her, and you’d have to be an imbecile to not understand respect.

There is something nauseating about this response. Almost salacious . And the boasting thing is grim.

I agree. Most women wouldn’t want anything to do with men like that. They would find them repulsive, as they would that poster. 🤮🤮🤮 No wonder he’s sniffing around mumsnet, no success in real life.

I’m quite suspicious of all these threads that pop up with women crushing on younger men. 🤔

I disagree with the above. If it's just sex, go for it!

Guys at that age are looking for all they can get... to be honest, that probably never changes! You're the one he'll brag about to his friends, the one that'll come up as the biggest age gap (and probably the most fun and experienced!).

People here aren't thinking like guys (sorry). He'll consider it a compliment, and if he turns you down, no harm done.

As if it wasn’t grim enough already. Ew, listen to yourself. Of course there are sick men who think like you, but most of us don’t want them. Boasting to their friends, sickening. As a pp said, probably hanging around mumsnet because you’re so unsuccessful with the ‘ladies’ or your wife ain’t interested!

I’m quite suspicious of all these threads that pop up with women crushing on younger men.

Me too.

Why are you suspicious? I’m not a troll, it’s a bit weird to be suspicious

I’m surprised so many people think it’s gross, but also glad for the honest feedback and won’t be doing anything to make it obvious I fancy him. Happy to just be friends

Do as you please OP.
I've been with a guy for a short fling that was 15 yrs junior and really it was great fun , bought me loads of happiness and so ignore these humbugs if the opportunity arises.

FYI he asked me out, didn't know my age and was mature for his years

Thank you. Hes actually not your typical ‘laddish’ early 20s guy, hes doing a masters in some kind of highbrow science-y engineering subject, and doesn’t like going out often- prefers sports and the hobby. Hes also pretty quiet. But that doesnt necessarily mean he wants an older woman I know!

I would say be careful that’s a big age difference. He may see it as friendship. If he mentions more you could go with it but I would just wait.

I don't see a problem with you asking him out. My son is nearly 23 and I wouldn't be horrified if he brought home a much older girlfriend. People saying it's gross are just having a kneejerk "ick" reaction and trying to elevate it into some kind of moral principle, which it isn't.

There is a big difference between 30 and 45, say, and 23 and 42. Even wanting to be friends with a 23 year old and hang out with them is weird.

a 23 year old has very different life experience and frames of reference to a 42 year old. I’m not much older than you and I can’t imagine wanting to hang out with someone this age never mind have sex with them,and I’m no prude. And I’d say the same to a man who wanted to have sex with a 23 year old woman or be her friend, in fact I’d say worse.

No they aren’t, it just is ick, as is being happy for your 23 year old son walking in the door holding hands with a 42 year old woman.

I agree. Why would a mature woman want to be a notch on the bedpost so a young man can run back and tell his mates he shagged a MILF? It’s nothing about being desired, it’s about a box being ticked and being laughed about over beers with the boys.

I can’t think of anything more grim and less of a turn on tbh

I don’t think it’s weird or ick but you’ve just witnessed the sort of reactions you’d get from other people. I’d say try to get to know him better and see if your feelings change. That should also help you work out if he might be interested in you without potentially embarrassing either of you.

Too big a gap.

Don't do it. You might end up falling for him, but of course it can't last because he will want children and then you will be heartbroken. Having said that, someone upthread has noted Emmanuel Macron, so there are always exceptions.

That’s why my response started with “personally”, followed by “I think”.

It's natural to find young people attractive but it does leave an icky feeling. I'm 43 and have a 17 year old and lads his age/early 20s look like babies. Definitely brings out the ick factor for me. Nothing legally wrong with it- you're both adults but people will judge. You might not care about that. And I actually find it the same (if not worse) when it's older blokes and young women.

Sorry I completely disagree with your point of view there on age affecting friendship. Maybe it’s unique to hobbies like mine but we are all friends with people aged 20-85. One of my friends is very close with a 70 year old (she’s 43)
we all have things in common!

From a man's point of view, women your age can have a lot going for them - obviously everybody is different, but women in their 40s are generally more confident, have a better idea of what they want and know themselves better, have better conversation, and so on. I wouldn't assume if he is interested that he just wants a notch on the bedpost, regardless of whether it would go anywhere. If you have enough in common I think you should go for it, or at least sound out if he's interested (don't worry about being too obvious, you have to make it very obvious for men that age to understand, most of the time 😂)

I’m glad you’ve got a grip OP.

It’s wrong on so many levels.

Robbing someone’s youth can result in damage further down the line.

It's a really shitty world when a woman 'makes a fool of herself' gpoing out with a younger man, when so many many men go out with younger woman and are not called idiots.

And at the end of the day, who the f... cares if people think she is him hum?

Are there different films for 20 yo and 30yo and 40 yo and then 50yo?

I was not aware.