Page 3 | Crush on younger man

BettyBunnyBoo · 01/12/2023 09:47

If you were 50 and he was 30 maybe as he would be in my eyes a proper mature adult. Early 20s is so young. My son is 22, not immature for his age at all, but he is still a very young adult. I think the relationship with be inappropriate.

Freakinfraser · 01/12/2023 10:00

BettyBunnyBoo · 01/12/2023 09:47

If you were 50 and he was 30 maybe as he would be in my eyes a proper mature adult. Early 20s is so young. My son is 22, not immature for his age at all, but he is still a very young adult. I think the relationship with be inappropriate.

I agree with you. It’s not the age gap as such, it’s the age or life stage difference. A 23 year old is very young, everyone other than a 23 year old and below knows this.

hence why it’s very different being friends with a 30 year old or a 70 year. At the ops stage of life.

Someone in their early 20’s is a very young adult.it is not remotely like a 33 year old sleeping with a 50 year old. Or a 42year old being friends with a 60 year old.

Freakinfraser · 01/12/2023 10:02

AgentK · 30/11/2023 22:44

Sorry I completely disagree with your point of view there on age affecting friendship. Maybe it’s unique to hobbies like mine but we are all friends with people aged 20-85. One of my friends is very close with a 70 year old (she’s 43)
we all have things in common!

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We need to agree to disagree, friendship to me is doing things other than the hobby, going out together, spending time together away from it, sharing thoughts and feelings, relying on each other, and as much as I one hundred percent agree you can do that and should do with another person of different ages, I do not feel anyone in their 40s should with someone early 20s.

i understand you don’t agree, so that’s fine. You want to be their friend of sleep with them. I simply find it quite odd.

Historybooks · 01/12/2023 10:06

No it's not creepy but don't do it. The emotional maturity won't be there and it will cause you both grief. Disproportionate for a crush and a fling.

Also he might like you but turn you down because of the age gap. When I was 20 sure I fancied a 40 year old guy and would have flirted but if he'd actually asked me out I'd freak.

GrandHighPoohbah · 01/12/2023 10:14

The only reason I would avoid it in this instance is because of your mutual hobby group. As PP have said, it would most likely be a fun, short fling, which is fine, but you wouldn't want it to affect how you feel about going to your group if and when it ends.

SamW98 · 01/12/2023 10:16

Freakinfraser · 01/12/2023 10:00

I agree with you. It’s not the age gap as such, it’s the age or life stage difference. A 23 year old is very young, everyone other than a 23 year old and below knows this.

hence why it’s very different being friends with a 30 year old or a 70 year. At the ops stage of life.

Someone in their early 20’s is a very young adult.it is not remotely like a 33 year old sleeping with a 50 year old. Or a 42year old being friends with a 60 year old.

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I agree. In my 50’s I have friends and acquaintances from early 30’s upwards but the younger ones are married, have kids etc and are in a very different stage of life to a single 20 something.

Even with work colleagues in their late 20’s and early 30’s there’s a noticeable age gap at times. So I can’t imagine having a relationship with someone so much younger

Pinkdelight3 · 01/12/2023 10:23

Robbing someone’s youth can result in damage further down the line.

Heavens, he's a 24yo sweet nerdy guy who doesn't get out much and if he liked her, they could have some no strings fun together. How that's robbing anyone's youth? She's not scoping out the local youth club for damaged teens. They know each other through a shared interest and there may be a little spark. OP, I'd enjoy the crush in your head, not actively pursue anything and it'll either wear off in its own time or come to something if he is interested. Either way, it's fine as long as it's in perspective as a happy little adventure, not a viable LTR.

Tzimi · 01/12/2023 10:31

AgentK · 29/11/2023 23:35

I’m 42 and really fancy a 23 year old I know through a hobby I do. I don’t know if I have no chance or even if he likes me but I do keep thinking about him. There’s a bit of flirting but I don’t know how to approach anything else! How do I work out if he likes me or just thinks I’m way too old for him!
is the age gap just too much to have any hope?
im not really looking for anything serious having just come out of an ltr but just wondering how to ascertain if he’s interested without making an absolute fool of myself or if it’s just a non starter with that sort of age gap

Why not become friends with this guy & see if you even get along? Then if it develops into a relationship later, that's great!

EBearhug · 01/12/2023 10:31

Just enjoy the crush, but don't act on it.

If he comes on to you, then - no harm in having fun.

EmmaEmerald · 01/12/2023 11:34

I'm 47 and after years of not dating, dated a man half my age this summer. I knew him for about a year before he asked me out.

He approached me to go for coffee and I assumed it was as friends because I'm twice his age. Turned out not to be a friends thing! I broke it off as I can't do relationships but we are still very close friends. If he gets a girlfriend, that will have to stop because there's still a "maybe" hanging in the air.

We had discussions about the practicalities but he was unbothered. I think that would be a lot different if I hit 60 though...I appreciate it doesn't seem like a huge gap now, except on paper or when you say the numbers out loud.

But if you approach him, you do risk looking foolish, which I know is unfair because I don't know if men get judged that way.

IRL people weren't judgey but as a family, we know a few 25 year age gap marriages!

IvorTheEngineDriver · 01/12/2023 13:08

As an early 20s bloke I had a relationship witha 36 y o woman. We had a great time. It wasn't going to last - we both realised that - but what the hell. Go for it.

Disturbia81 · 01/12/2023 14:01

Gross. But worse when men do it. And no it's not seen as acceptable
Stick to your age group, it's really not hard.

Disturbia81 · 01/12/2023 14:02

Cupcakekiller · 30/11/2023 21:52

It's natural to find young people attractive but it does leave an icky feeling. I'm 43 and have a 17 year old and lads his age/early 20s look like babies. Definitely brings out the ick factor for me. Nothing legally wrong with it- you're both adults but people will judge. You might not care about that. And I actually find it the same (if not worse) when it's older blokes and young women.

Yep they look like kids.

CreationNat1on · 01/12/2023 14:07

You need to get drunk with him and let nature take its course.

I recently had sex with someone 20 years older than me and he was sweet and great in bed.

EmmaEmerald · 01/12/2023 14:28

So what do posters think of someone like Richard Gere and his wife being 30 years younger (or more)?

I think Kate Beckinsale has dated with a 20+ age gap.

I haven't been criticised outright, but I always figured I'd quote Joan Collins if anyone did - "what can I do? If he dies, he dies." 😂

I think Paul O'Grady's partner was a lot younger too.

BouncesInBetween · 01/12/2023 14:45

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houseonthehill · 01/12/2023 16:38

It’s ok because you’re a woman. If you were a man it would be creepy grooming, tantamount to sexual abuse. So go for it!

Freakinfraser · 01/12/2023 16:43

EmmaEmerald · 01/12/2023 14:28

So what do posters think of someone like Richard Gere and his wife being 30 years younger (or more)?

I think Kate Beckinsale has dated with a 20+ age gap.

I haven't been criticised outright, but I always figured I'd quote Joan Collins if anyone did - "what can I do? If he dies, he dies." 😂

I think Paul O'Grady's partner was a lot younger too.

The age gap isn’t the issue, none of these partners are early 20s. If they were the issue would be the same.

drowninginsunshine · 01/12/2023 16:50

Sparthan · 30/11/2023 07:35

The age gap is enormous. He could easily be dating a 20yo, so in what universe do you think he’d pick a 42yo instead? Not to mention the fact that he probably wants kids eventually and you can’t give him them. Enjoy the crush but stay away and keep your mouth shut.

Oh hush. There are plenty of younger men who find older women attractive. Sure it may end up as a short term thing but if everyone is happy, who cares. The world is full of people who fortunately don't think like you.

drowninginsunshine · 01/12/2023 17:00

I had a FWB thing with someone a LOT younger than me. I am a good looking 50 something and he a VERY good looking late 20s. It was incredibly hot. I admit I was very flattered that he wanted to go there with me. We'd go out sometimes and staff at cafes would definitely be fascinated trying to work out the scenario. We found it hilarious. We knew what it was. We got on well and laughed loads. He loved how unrestrained and confident I was in bed. It ended because he got a girlfriend. A stunning beautiful 20 something. He still lovely and we still laugh and I'm pretty sure if he is single again we will recommence.

ForThisPost1 · 01/12/2023 17:30

Sparthan · 30/11/2023 11:15

Imagine the conversations with this young chap about music or films? He probably still plays video games. 😂
I play video games and I’m 43 🤷‍♀️

hahaha, I like your response.

Pinkdelight3 · 02/12/2023 10:33

24 isn't just into adulthood. Nothing like a 17yo.

Freakinfraser · 02/12/2023 13:36

Pinkdelight3 · 02/12/2023 10:33

24 isn't just into adulthood. Nothing like a 17yo.

It’s 23, and it’s not far off it.

User43219 · 02/12/2023 16:56

Freakinfraser · 30/11/2023 19:53

There is a big difference between 30 and 45, say, and 23 and 42. Even wanting to be friends with a 23 year old and hang out with them is weird.

a 23 year old has very different life experience and frames of reference to a 42 year old. I’m not much older than you and I can’t imagine wanting to hang out with someone this age never mind have sex with them,and I’m no prude. And I’d say the same to a man who wanted to have sex with a 23 year old woman or be her friend, in fact I’d say worse.

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Ah so I should stop hanging around with the guys from work as they're mid-20s and I'm mid-40s. I should mention that to them next time we are out. Oh hang on they don't have a problem with it so why should it matter. In fact they're very protective of me (someone else pointed that out not my observation).

I love listening to them talking about buying their first house, or their holidays with friends. And they can learn from my mistakes.

JamSandle · 02/12/2023 17:03

marshmallowfinder · 30/11/2023 09:00

I think that many reactions on here are so outdated and ridiculous. If you like someone, see where it goes. If you have chemistry, you have chemistry. It's not based on an arbitrary number of years between you. You're both adults. It's no one else's business. I have experience of a 21 year age gap and it's brilliant. (Female is older.)

This!