Husband dumped me on the street after argument

[sandracb4321]

I am now sitting in a coffee shop wondering when can I go home.

My husband and I had an argument yesterday. We didn't speak much after the argument. This morning after we sent our kid to school he suggested that we go somewhere for breakfast. I was not very keen but agreed.

After we parked our car and on our way to the restaurant he started the argument again. The conversation gone mad and we were both outraged. I told him I want to go home but the keys are in the car and he got the car key. Then he said "then I will leave you in the cold!" and dashed off to the restaurant by himself.

So I was left on the street alone with no keys. I walked more than half an hour back home, hoping I might have forgotten to lock the door this morning. No luck of course. But thankfully I got my phone and card with me so I can find a place to sit down.

I can't stop thinking how miserable I am right now! I am think the guy in the cafe must be thinking why this woman is sitting here forever:(

By the way, lesson learnt, always have a spare key in your wallet or handbag. :(

I wish he is the one being locked out. What a jerk he is.

You do have Agency though Op, so you need to take control of this situation for yourself.

Glad you are back home @sandracb4321

What is your next step now?
In some ways, the fact he is not talking is probably a blessing in disguise. But you’ll have to take a decision on your future together…

Gosh, I wouldn't know what to do in that situation. The old me probably would do the same as you OP. But after suffering some extend of that shitty behaviour, split and some healing the new me probably would call a locksmith, followed by a call to all my safety net and a solicitor. By the time he were back home he would find like 10 people with me waiting for him to pack his stuff. Perfect opportunity to left him behind.

OP his actions are those of an abusive spoilt brat not a loving partner and father.

This relationship doesn’t sound safe or healthy for you and your child.

I would calmly sit down say "ok you clearly dislike me let's work out how we can move forward apart for our child"

Well that is what I would do.
No one worth bothering about would leave a friend locked out regardless that it is freezing and he didn't know you had money on you only that you didn't have keys.

He's just cruel.

Do you want to live with cruel OP?

I am well aware that he won't change. So it is up to me to make a change.

Despite all his abusive behaviours, I don't want any authority to go after him. I can't do it. So I think I will sit down with him and tell him I want to take ds and leave. I know I am reaching my breaking point because he has made me so depressed. DS is the only person that keeps me going.

If you want to leave you should talk to a solicitor first to get some legal advice on what a split would look like.
Do not mention to him that you want to leave until you have plans in place and have all the information you need.
He could easily turn nasty and that's why you need to know what you are legally entitled to.

You know he planned thus whole argument today including keeping you out in the cold, because you argued with him yesterday don't you?

They are spiteful and mean you harm.

See a solicitor regarding the divorce. Tell him nothing.

Do not sit down with him.and tell him you are leaving.

You have to stop playing by 'normal nice person' rules.

Remember at all times, this guy has contempt towards you. He will not play fair or be nice.

If you tell him hey 'I want to leave, let's sit down abd figure this out. Decide how to make it easy on the child' he thinks "right, now that's the last thing I going to do. AND I'm going g to make it hard in the child too so that YOU suffer'.

Being nice, showing compromise or compassion to a narcissist- is taken as weakness..and they attack weakness. Especially if its in someone who's just told them 'no'. Eg: ending the relationship.

See a solicitor. Make preparations for things like getting proof of his income so you can claim child support and getting legal advice and advice on supporting yourself once he's gone ect...

Who owns the house?/is on the tenancy?

You said he felt offended by what you said... what did you say?I think there's wrong and impulsiveness in the heat of the argument from both sides, I'm just trying to understand what caused it to explode in the first place.

@sandracb4321 do not tell him you plan on leaving him.

a friend did that and he would not let her go out with their child alone as he knew she’d leave him.

speak to women’s aid, they will guide you through how to safely leave.

dont give him more power over you by telling him you have had enough and are thinking of leaving him

Yes, I agree with this. If he feels like he's losing control, he'll either ramp the abuse up or pretend to be the perfect partner for a while to lull you into a false sense of security.

OP, the most important thing though is not to buy into his twisted logic. There's no way you'll ever be able to have a rational conversation with him about anything. His ego won't allow him to be wrong. He'll get manipulative and he could get very angry and destructive.

Please remember that denying the abuse happened or blaming you for it IS abuse.

If it is a pattern of behaviour you should have informed the police. It would also be very helpful when it comes to separating as you have no idea how he would act in family court - painting you as a bad mother, badmouthing you to people etc.
You sound extremely passive and he's using that to his advantage.

Also I agree with others who suggested you need to speak to woman's aid and plan your escape wisely.