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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband dumped me on the street after argument

113 replies

sandracb4321 · 29/11/2023 10:58

I am now sitting in a coffee shop wondering when can I go home.

My husband and I had an argument yesterday. We didn't speak much after the argument. This morning after we sent our kid to school he suggested that we go somewhere for breakfast. I was not very keen but agreed.

After we parked our car and on our way to the restaurant he started the argument again. The conversation gone mad and we were both outraged. I told him I want to go home but the keys are in the car and he got the car key. Then he said "then I will leave you in the cold!" and dashed off to the restaurant by himself.

So I was left on the street alone with no keys. I walked more than half an hour back home, hoping I might have forgotten to lock the door this morning. No luck of course. But thankfully I got my phone and card with me so I can find a place to sit down.

I can't stop thinking how miserable I am right now! I am think the guy in the cafe must be thinking why this woman is sitting here forever:(

By the way, lesson learnt, always have a spare key in your wallet or handbag. :(

I wish he is the one being locked out. What a jerk he is.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 29/11/2023 11:33

You owe it to yourself to find someone who’s kind and wants to look after you

Exactly.

SandyWaves · 29/11/2023 11:34

Book into a lovely hotel

DuploTrain · 29/11/2023 11:41

Frasers · 29/11/2023 11:20

Forgive what? The argument was mutual. She hasn’t said what it was about. They were both outraged. He said he’d leave her and went to restaurant. She’s pregnant not Ill. She could easily have followed. She chose not to. They are both as bad as each other.

Show quote history

She said she wanted to go home, but the house keys were in the car.

He wouldn’t give her the car keys to get the house keys and said “I’ll leave you out in the cold”.

So no I wouldn’t forgive my husband if he denied me access to my house keys so I was deliberately left with nowhere to go.

IncompleteSenten · 29/11/2023 11:43

sandracb4321 · 29/11/2023 11:11

I haven't called. He won't answer. He is such a jerk. He is happy to see me suffer. He thinks I deserve this.

Show quote history

The question is do you think you deserve this? And as importantly, given what a pp described about your previous posts - do you think your child deserves to grow up forced to live in a household like this?

mynameisbrian · 29/11/2023 11:44

Use your time to call a lawyer...... what he did was controlling and abusive. You shouldnt be sat somewhere wondering when to go home..

cmaalofshit · 29/11/2023 11:50

Go into the restaurant. Ask for the key. If he won't give it to you go home and call a locksmith to get into your own house.

Then sit down and think about whether this relationship is working for you.

What was the argument about?

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 29/11/2023 12:04

How are you getting on with your plan to leave him OP? I know it is not easy but knowing how badly he is treating your son, you really do need to get out.

Good luck.

Frasers · 29/11/2023 12:05

mynameisbrian · 29/11/2023 11:44

Use your time to call a lawyer...... what he did was controlling and abusive. You shouldnt be sat somewhere wondering when to go home..

How’s it controlling and abusive to walk away from someone who is an adult and perfectly capable of following and asking for the key?

oogbkihdeeflkigfviimmm · 29/11/2023 12:08

@Frasers read her other thread back in April he was ripping up her child’s sticker charts and smashing up his toys he is abusive he’s down right nasty to her little one

even mumsnet commented with support groups/pages for her etc

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 29/11/2023 12:10

sandracb4321 · 29/11/2023 11:09

He is a narcissist, I think you get the picture

Show quote history

So lesson isn’t take a spare key .
lesson is sort your s**t out and leave the B

Original poster
sandracb4321 · 29/11/2023 12:13

To update you all, he is still not home yet. Knowing I am on the street alone in the cold, he is happily wandering around with the keys in his hands. Wouldn't even stop for a minute to think if I am ok.

Some of you mentioned that I owe this to myself and I make myself suffer for being stubborn, married and have a child with a twat. Well, sometimes you don't know a person is a twat until you've been with that person long enough. Tell me I am stupid but I wasn't aware of this before. Things get down hill since we our child was born. (Btw I am not pregnant at the moment). If I could choose again I will not start a relationship with him and I would definitely not have any children with him. Dont get me wrong, I love my child dearly.

We have many problems. I don't want to go into details of our arguments. But basically he felt offended by want I said. His ego is sky high, one small comment or hint that he has done something wrong would trigger his rage.

I know narcissists is a widely used word on MN, but he really is one. I found one description on the internet: "Your narcissistic partner likely never takes responsibility for their actions and always blames you. If something goes wrong, it is your fault, even if they're to blame. Everything bad that happens in their life is somehow because of you, which leaves you feeling like there's nothing that you can do right." This is exactly what he is!

OP posts:
SilverCatStripes · 29/11/2023 12:20

He sounds like an awful dad and husband.

You can resign yourself to living a miserable life with him or, make a happier life for you and your child by leaving him.

Not doing anything means nothing will change.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 29/11/2023 12:21

I’ve just read some of your other post. You need to get out but tbh you need to get your son out you are facilitating him being abused . You need to protect him.
Call women’s aid while you are sat Locked out. They will help you report everything to the police and help you realise it’s not right to be treated this way .
Once reported to the police you can get an order in place to keep him away from you both .
He doesn’t love you he’s a bullying abuser . He will not change .

housethatbuiltme · 29/11/2023 12:22

This reply has been deleted

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Santaiswashinghissleigh · 29/11/2023 12:23

What an utter cunt op. I hope 2024 has a brighter future ahead for you and your dc without him in it...

SylvieLaufeydottir · 29/11/2023 12:23

Genuine question: what do you want from us?

If he's really a narcissist, you need to start making plans to get out. What's the point of all this petty stubbornness in the meantime?

housethatbuiltme · 29/11/2023 12:29

sandracb4321 · 29/11/2023 12:13

To update you all, he is still not home yet. Knowing I am on the street alone in the cold, he is happily wandering around with the keys in his hands. Wouldn't even stop for a minute to think if I am ok.

Some of you mentioned that I owe this to myself and I make myself suffer for being stubborn, married and have a child with a twat. Well, sometimes you don't know a person is a twat until you've been with that person long enough. Tell me I am stupid but I wasn't aware of this before. Things get down hill since we our child was born. (Btw I am not pregnant at the moment). If I could choose again I will not start a relationship with him and I would definitely not have any children with him. Dont get me wrong, I love my child dearly.

We have many problems. I don't want to go into details of our arguments. But basically he felt offended by want I said. His ego is sky high, one small comment or hint that he has done something wrong would trigger his rage.

I know narcissists is a widely used word on MN, but he really is one. I found one description on the internet: "Your narcissistic partner likely never takes responsibility for their actions and always blames you. If something goes wrong, it is your fault, even if they're to blame. Everything bad that happens in their life is somehow because of you, which leaves you feeling like there's nothing that you can do right." This is exactly what he is!

"Your narcissistic partner likely never takes responsibility for their actions and always blames you. If something goes wrong, it is your fault, even if they're to blame. Everything bad that happens in their life is somehow because of you, which leaves you feeling like there's nothing that you can do right."

OP you blaming him for the situation you unnecessarily put yourself in right now means the above is describing YOU not him.

OhComeOnFFS · 29/11/2023 12:31

Personally given his history I would go to my local police station and ask them what to do.

OhComeOnFFS · 29/11/2023 12:32

I would ask to speak to someone from the domestic violence team.

Original poster
sandracb4321 · 29/11/2023 12:32

I have no one to talk to. That's it

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 29/11/2023 12:34

So you posted 7 months ago about him smashing your child’s toys and people gave you loads of advice. Did you take any of it, or do you want to stay with him and just vent her when you have an argument?

gamerchick · 29/11/2023 12:38

Sounds like he's engineered today to punish you. You need to think carefully what your steps should be now since hes escalating things.

What will you do if he doesn't let you back in? He might today but you'll probably find one day he won't.

Pomonas · 29/11/2023 12:40

OMG what an arsehole. I know how you feel as being with a narcissist is the worse thing in a relationship. They don’t show their true colours until you are way involved with them. Make yourself as independent as possible. Pretend and ignore until you can leave. You deserve better and it must be so hard for you and lonely. I do not know if you have family but they usually prey on women who can be very vulnerable and without family near or friends or even alienate friends to achieve control. Sometimes they neglect the children so that you know you can’t count on them for support so leaving is almost impossible. I hope you are out of that situation soon.

pinkyredrose · 29/11/2023 12:40

Narcissism is a complex condition that needs to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I think what's up with him is that he's a cunt.

Are you going to leave him?

Gastropod · 29/11/2023 12:45

People are being quite unnecessarily mean to the OP on this thread, with a bit of victim blaming thrown in.
If - and it's entirely possible - the OP's husband displays some narcissistic traits then that is an awful thing for her to live with, and she deserves sympathy and support.
One's sense of self can be worn down so much by these sorts of people that you don't know which way is up. It's very difficult to escape the cycle, and the first step is usually talking to somebody about it.
From that first step to actually being able to break the cycle and leave can take a long time.