Husband dumped me on the street after argument

[sandracb4321]

I am now sitting in a coffee shop wondering when can I go home.

My husband and I had an argument yesterday. We didn't speak much after the argument. This morning after we sent our kid to school he suggested that we go somewhere for breakfast. I was not very keen but agreed.

After we parked our car and on our way to the restaurant he started the argument again. The conversation gone mad and we were both outraged. I told him I want to go home but the keys are in the car and he got the car key. Then he said "then I will leave you in the cold!" and dashed off to the restaurant by himself.

So I was left on the street alone with no keys. I walked more than half an hour back home, hoping I might have forgotten to lock the door this morning. No luck of course. But thankfully I got my phone and card with me so I can find a place to sit down.

I can't stop thinking how miserable I am right now! I am think the guy in the cafe must be thinking why this woman is sitting here forever:(

By the way, lesson learnt, always have a spare key in your wallet or handbag. :(

I wish he is the one being locked out. What a jerk he is.

Oh wow OP, I have read this and your last thread about smashing your sons toys. Please leave him, go now, get your son from school and get you and him somewhere nice and safe whilst you figure out your next move.

There are some amazing women on MN who have been through this before and will have a wealth of practical advise and help for you. You don't need to live this way 💐

Right but forget about him for a minute and deal with yourself.

Call a locksmith and get into your home without the need for your husband.

This will show your husband you are not reliant on him. He will be taking pleasure from the fact you can't get into the house. So prove him wrong!!

Absolutely @Hungrycaterpillarsmummy

@Mulhollandmagoo unfortunately, those amazing women aren’t all on this thread today 😢

@sandracb4321 so you know he is a shit husband and father. I think you’re right, no point looking at all the instances and what he did on this thread. The bottom line is that you need to take control of your life again.

Just now you are safe and somewhere warm. That’s a good start.
Have you contacted a solicitor re a divorce? Just to see where you stand, what you can hope fur and more importantly how you can protect yourself during that time. Seeing he is happy to punish you any way he can (as per today’s), I don’t imagine he is going to take a divorce well.
Id advise you to contact Women Aid too. They should be able to sign post you towards a good solicitor experienced with ‘difficult to divorce’ partners.

Then for today, you have a choice. You can wait until he decides to come back home. You can call a locksmiths (but it might enrage him even more?).
I suspect it depends on how long you think he’ll stay out. If he doesn’t need to be at work or can go to work in the office, he might well come back home very late or not at all. At least later than when you’ll need to pick up your ds from school/nursery. What do you think he’ll do?

Well, on the plus side, that means he's likely to calm down soon and pretend nothing happened so you will be able to get into your house / carry on with your life.

But on the negative side, you also know he won't change, and therefore I'd suggest starting plans to leave him.

If the OP's husband is a narcissist, I would strongly suggest not doing this. It will only enrage him further and make things worse for her.

Only you can change this OP

@housethatbuiltme You need to read OP's other thread. That will give you the context for what happened here.

You need to talk to Women's Aid about how to leave
This has been going on too long now - how much longer - a year, 10, 20?
Get rid - he offers you nothing

I hope you're ok, OP, and you can find a way out of this situation. You and your child deserve better. He's a real piece of work letting you wander the streets, and it's so cold today.

But he might not think you are still walking the streets OP? You haven't phoned him or told him thats what you're doing? You've argued. He's walked to the restaurant, you've walked off knowing the keys are in the car. I think my DH would assume that I'd phone a friend or family and go there for a coffee until we've calmed down.

This. He sounds awful and you sound ground down by it but bring stubborn and saying 'poor me' right now is not going to get you into your house so you need to channel ypur anger into finding a practical solution right now. Because you need to be able to get your child from school and home etc.

If you are frightened of his behaviour or worried it will escalate, go to the police and tell them what's happening. If you are sure you and your child will be safe, then get a locksmith in asap.

Once you've dealt with the immediate practicalities then you can start thinking about getting ducks in a row.

The first priority is getting access to your house for you and your child.

Op asked for the car key to get the house keys in the car and he said "Then I'll leave you in the cold." and walked off. Would you do that if your partner asked for the key? Is that why you see nothing wrong with it?

I bet you have enough evidence to go to the police about him. You really need to get some support to leave him. Contact Women’s Aid and tell them all the cruel things he does to you

I agree with a PP that he totally engineered this. Insist on going somewhere very public by car, then pick a fight on the way knowing that she wouldn't want to walk into a restaurant visibly upset.

I had an ex like this. Would insist on long car trips (he drove) then yell and reduce me to tears, then threaten to strand me if I didn't behave. I left him of course, but he stalked me for several years with abusive phone calls and death threats. The police weren't interested. So OP, obviously LTB, but do it carefully. You'll need help, and it's better if he can't find you or contact you at all.

Regardless of how much of a prick your husband is OP this entire situation is your own fault.

It was you who left their keys in the car which in itself is already is not to bright.

You then decided to, instead of going inside the restaurant with your husband, just walk off without telling him and walk 30 minutes in the cold to your house which you absolutely knew it was locked.

Then you sit there sulking in the cold and blame him for it.

I'm sure he does a million things wrong, but this one is on you. And unless you take responsibility for your own behaviour your situation is never going to get any better.

Also the claim of "narcissist" is widely misunderstood. Every single person has narcissistic traits to various degrees. A narcissist used to mean someone who is full of himself and selfish. What a lot of people now mean with "narcissist" is someone with narcissist personality disorder. This is rare and presents itself very different than what a lot of people presume. Someone with NPD is basically a psychopath with an childlike inferiority complex.

Every person with NPD is an asshole, but most assholes don't have NPD.

Wow there's some real victim blaming on this thread.

Hands up if you were a victim of abuse who left the first time there was an issue. Because I certainly didn't.

Yes, I could kick myself for it. But it's very normal to stay. Isn't it an average of seven attempts to leave before it's successful?

He sounds awful.

Call a locksmith and start making copies / scans of all relevant documents, bank statements etc as soon as you get in.

You could also visit a friend, your mother, book yourself a hotel room etc.

But do NOT continue waiting for him to get home. You owe it to yourself to not continue taking his abusive!

After we parked our car and on our way to the restaurant he started the argument again. The conversation gone mad and we were both outraged. I told him I want to go home but the keys are in the car and he got the car key. Then he said "then I will leave you in the cold!" and dashed off to the restaurant by himself.

So I was left on the street alone with no keys. I walked more than half an hour back home, hoping I might have forgotten to lock the door this morning. No luck of course. But thankfully I got my phone and card with me so I can find a place to sit down.

You read this and concluded that this was OP´s fault? Really??

He refused to give OP the keys, threatened to leave her in the cold and walked away.

I applaud OP for not meekly following and potentially accepting (verbal) abuse and or manipulation in the hope that her husband might be "kind" enough to let her get her keys...

Tbh at this point what you knew or didn't know at the start is irrelevant.
What matters is what you are going to do now. Now you do know. And you know the affect it is having on you and your child.

So I wouldn't have ... If I'd known...
Is neither here nor there. You can't go back in time.

You are where you are.

So what are you going to do now?

That is a very mean comment. You don't have to be so mean. I always leave the keys in the car when I/we drive. I don't carry them in my handbag, especially when we go out together, we don't take 2 sets of keys. I don't see any thing strange about it. It is just a habit.

Maybe I should not claim my husband is narcissistic before he is psychiatrically
diagnosed as one?

For the record, I called him and as I said he did not reply. Do you think it is normal to leave your spouse on the street knowing he/she has no access to your home? He did not give me the keys when I asked him and chose to walk away. Should I beg him for the keys?

This is what OP DH will say when he gets home.

OP, get out.

She could have gone inside the restaurant of the parking lot where she was standing. She could have made sure she did not leave her keys. She could have gone to another café and grab a cup of coffee in the warmth while figuring out what to do. She could have called a taxi and go window shopping in a mall or shopping center and have a day out.

She's not a child.

Sulking in the cold is not standing up to her husband. It's in itself toxic behaviour that causes herself more harm than her husband who she is trying to indirectly punish by "leaving his wife in the cold".

She needs to do some self reflection in her own part in this toxic circle of behaviours and snap out of it and leave the relationship.

Obviously she's afraid of his reaction. Any person in a normal relationship would just say stop being an arsehole and let me get the keys . This isn't a normal relationship and saying that to him would probably just have made things worse. So would calling a locksmith. Have some compassion for someone clearly being abused. Look up the statistics on abuse and how many attempts it actually takes people to leave.

She could have done that, sure. But he clearly instigated this whole thing and was keen on creating a situation where OP would be key-less (and either dependent on him or left in the cold). OP may not have reacted in the most appropriate manner (Edit: although I disagree. Leaving was completely reasonable imo) and played into his hand. But this still wouldn´t make his behaviour her fault.

She needs to do some self reflection in her own part in this toxic circle of behaviours and snap out of it and leave the relationship.

I do however agree with this.