Husband dumped me on the street after argument

[sandracb4321]

I am now sitting in a coffee shop wondering when can I go home.

My husband and I had an argument yesterday. We didn't speak much after the argument. This morning after we sent our kid to school he suggested that we go somewhere for breakfast. I was not very keen but agreed.

After we parked our car and on our way to the restaurant he started the argument again. The conversation gone mad and we were both outraged. I told him I want to go home but the keys are in the car and he got the car key. Then he said "then I will leave you in the cold!" and dashed off to the restaurant by himself.

So I was left on the street alone with no keys. I walked more than half an hour back home, hoping I might have forgotten to lock the door this morning. No luck of course. But thankfully I got my phone and card with me so I can find a place to sit down.

I can't stop thinking how miserable I am right now! I am think the guy in the cafe must be thinking why this woman is sitting here forever:(

By the way, lesson learnt, always have a spare key in your wallet or handbag. :(

I wish he is the one being locked out. What a jerk he is.

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to make you see that you have agency in your own behaviour.

You claim he does this like this often in one post than admit it's your habit of leaving your keys in the car and not putting them in your purse. It is absolutely a strange habit. If someone breaks into your car they have your house keys. If your husband loses his keys not only can't you get into the car but you cant get in your house. And in this situation with this argument, you are locked out. Start bringing your keys everywhere.

Your husband did not leave you on the street. He went inside a restaurant and you did not follow. You left yourself out on the street.

You don't need to follow when he is acting out. You could have gone to a coffee shop on your own. You could have gone shopping. You could have called a cab.

You have agency. You have options even if you don't feel like you do.

You need to realise this and help yourself out.

You've been putting up with this behaviour for far too long (over a year according to your other thread) , I know it's hard but for your sake and that of your family, please contact women's aid and get help with how to leave him.

Op can you call a locksmith to let you into your house?

do you have family who you can seek support from?

call womens aid and make a plan and leave him.

I have a lot more compassion than you because I have been there and she needs to understand that she can choose not to play his games. 50 people telling her "oh poor you leave him" is not going to help her one iota.

It's the only way she will get out by understanding she has got a choice in every situation.

He probably expected you to follow him into the restaurant after calming down. Tbf your both being pretty stubborn here. You should have at least gone and asked him for a key before storming off home, makes no sense why you didn't, you just hoped it was unlocked knowing full well you locked it. Grow up OP and talk things through when your both calmer.

The first sentence in my post is that "I was sitting in a cafe"

Ahh sorry OP I just realised you said he has form for this and there's other issues here re abuse in which case, start planning an exit. Its too toxic to live like this all the time for you and your kid. Good luck

After you walked 30 minutes to your house and keep claiming you were "left in the street".

Go do something with your day instead. Go shopping or see a movie.

If this is how you express your 'compassion', it's misguided at best, harmful at worst.

No one left an abusive relationship after being made out to be an idiot.

I appreciate you have strong feelings on this matter, but you may want to read some articles on how to support someone in an abusive relationship. Because every single one of them will advise you against your current strategy.

You putting words in my mouth is what is misguided and harmful.

Congrats you read some articles on the internet. I'm sure you're an expert now.

Your aggressive response really illustrates that you need to take a step back here.

You're not helping.

Nothing in my comment is aggressive. You are reading it as aggressive because you are projecting your own feelings and issue here.

I suggest you take your own advice.

Attacking me isn't doing you any favours.

Here's some information you might find useful:

What can I do to help?
Create a safe space. Make sure you speak in private. Make it clear you won’t judge. Only then might she feel safe enough to open up.

Tell her you’re worried. Try “You haven’t seemed yourself lately. Is there anything you want to talk about? Is everything OK at home?”

Take her seriously. Listen. Believe her. Women are often dismissed. They’re told he seems like a nice guy, or a great dad. Trust what she says.

Tell her it’s not her fault. Your friend might blame herself. Tell her she is not to blame. He alone is responsible.

Don’t judge her. Don’t ask why she hasn’t left or judge her choices. Instead, build her confidence and focus on her strengths.

Remind her she’s not alone. She may have been deliberately isolated. Say you are there for her, and that there are solutions and that support is available.

Give her time. It might take a long time before she confides in you. Be patient. Recognising the problem is the first step.

"If this is how you express your 'compassion', it's misguided at best, harmful at worst.

No one left an abusive relationship after being made out to be an idiot."

"Your aggressive response really illustrates that you need to take a step back here.

You're not helping."

These are your words correct? So who is attacking who here?

You are listing a bunch of to do's for close friends. We aren't close friends. We are strangers on the internet who she well never talk to again. It's the perfect medium to make someone think or shake their perceptions.

You should really stop with your amateur psy online articles when you have no idea what you are talking about.

I'm done with you. Have a good day.

Does anyone else think @OneMorePlant is actually OP's husband?

The advice still stands. Particularly the parts about not judging, blaming, or demanding that she leaves.

I appreciate that you find it offensive being told to chill out but I'm afraid your aggressive responses to the OP need to be challenged. And I'm not the only person to do so.

Perhaps you should pay attention to how this has put you on the defensive when you're not even involved in this situation and think about the effect your efforts to pick apart where the OP is to blame will have made her feel.

I can assure you that he is not on MN 😂

@TheHawkisHowling Thank you

You're welcome. None of this is your fault.

Also, I keep my house keys in the glovebox!

I do get the feeling there are more men on mumsnet these days.

@OneMorePlant its rare that I come on MN and think a very long string of insult I wish I could send a poster.

Your posts are simply disgraceful. Full of victim blaming and not even rational.
I suggest you go back under your rock, in that little world where people always have a spare key with them and it’s normal to leave your spouse stuck outside if their own house.

@sandracb4321 how are things.now?

Have you been able to get back inside, one way or the other?
Are you safe and is your ds safe?

Thanks for checking. So I sat in the cafe for about 2 hours, then I did some shopping for my little one and went home, I thought he should be home by then but he wasn't. So I sat on a bench near my house and waited.

In the end I sat for another hour and headed home. Found out his's already back. He left the door unlocked. So I went home, took a hot shower, picked up my kid from school, pretended nothing had happened in front of our kid but We have not spoken to each other since then.

Glad you're home safe now.

I assume the chances of getting an apology are pretty much zilch?

Have you ever spoken to Women's Aid about him?