OLD - Hello as a first message - instant unmatch?

[Vegandiva]

That’s it really, I’m wondering if anyone has ever had a decent relationship with someone whose first message on OLD after matching is a zero effort Hello, Hi, How are you, Hey, etc. 🙂

That is a thought. I did old when it was match.com years ago, and there was a lot of that so you could be right. I wasted quite a lot of time replying in a thoughtful manner.

Sorry if I have misunderstood, but enjoying taking your mum for afternoon tea is wrong?

Not "wrong" at all. I admire a man who takes his mum for afternoon tea. But I'd be dubious about our chemistry if he enjoyed it. The afternoon tea part I mean, not the spending time with mum part. My personal preference. Horses for courses and all.

"Hello, thanks for matching, just thought I'd reach out and see if you're interested in getting to know each other

I notice your profile says you're into tennis - do you play professionally?"

Is an example of 20 whole seconds of effort writing something that demonstrates actual interest in a person

"Hello" reads like they're desperately messaging every match just to see what sticks rather than genuinely trying to build a connection. "Hello" on its own would put me right off

Exactly!

Yes from my now husband. This constant pressure to be witty and thoughtful and original in an opening message is silly. You wouldn’t not give someone a chance in a bar if they started with hello.

The thing I liked about old is that you can tell instantly, with a bit of effort, who is going to be on the same wave length as you text wise. Which was important to me, as a single mother with young kids at the time, because texting of an evening was what I had a lot of time for.

I really enjoy nonsense on text. I find it fun.

So, for the tennis example above, whilst far better than hello, that wouldn't be my thing, because it has a question mark and sets off what I consider to be a boring conversation - but I absolutely accept that my way doesn't appeal to everyone either.

So, if they had tennis on their profile I would say something like 'I havent seen you on the tele' (assuming they're not actually a professional) and they'd either get it, like that vibe, and respond accordingly and off we'd go - or get in a huff, fine, we're not going to get on - or respond something really boring like 'haha, no I'm not on that level, what sports are you in to?' Which id unmatch, we're not gonna be on the same level.

If someone came up to me in a bar and said "hello" and nothing else I certainly wouldn't give them a chance. Literally thousands of potential questions you can ask someone if you actually want to get to know them better. On OLD their profile is an obvious place to start. If someone can't even muster that then they have the conversational abilities of a rock.

But in a bar or anywhere in the outside would there would be other signals, body language, an possible attraction so hello would come after you’d already clocked each other. And tbh if someone came over to me in the outside world and just said ‘hello’ and nothing else yes I’d find that really odd.

Absolutely. Anything that shows they’ve read the profile not just looked at a photo and sent a generic one word message.

My profile has my likes and interests, it’s not hard to pick one to mention and shows just a bit of effort has been made from the start

So much hate for the hello as an opening 😂 I just wouldn’t not give someone a chance on the basis of an opening message or greeting. I could tell within 10 minutes of a conversation if someone had serious potential. For instance - do we want the same things from
dating, do they have similar aspirations, have they got a sense of humour, can they hold a conversation etc. I therefore would rather give someone 10 minutes of my time (or often less) to figure out potential than write someone off for a hello.

Rubbish. Copy's and paste and remove tennis with other random spot from a profile. 3 seconds max and completely insincere and fake.

Even worse than hello/hi is 👋

Now that is as zero effort as it gets

This thread is eye opening! It wouldn't occur to me that Hello was a bad opening to a conversation 😂

*"Hello, thanks for matching, just thought I'd reach out and see if you're interested in getting to know each other

I notice your profile says you're into tennis - do you play professionally?"*

See I'd struggle with someone who says 'reach out' as I can't bear that phrase.

There's nothing wrong with saying hello. You're on online dating that's disconnected, they don't know you, you don't know them, you are strangers.

The profiles are a glimpse, many are vague or have nothing at all. Bear in mind also that the majority of the apps make it very hard to actually connect to others without paying.

It's just an opener, I am interested in you so if you are too reply, then gauge from there.

I understand women likely get flooded with arseholes but there are genuine ones out there too who you could potentially miss based on what their first message is.

It's the same the other way around, the pool of profiles men see are also a shit show. There are weirdos, time wastes and yes, the women say hello as their first message too.

I would also have much rather had a "hello" than some 'funny' (unfunny) one liner or someone trying to be interesting but really not being as you know they send the same thing to every person they match with.

I honestly have no idea what my first message to my dp was (we matched on Bumble so I had to send the first message) but it was probably along the lines on "hello, how are you"? I didn't want to waste a lot of brain power and time thinking of something 'different' and 'interesting' if he had no intention of messaging back (which was often the case).

Luckily he wasn't so picky as some people clearly are and messaged back and we have been together over 4 years.

Someone I met on OLD told me every other woman he'd messaged had just been a 'hello' message. He'd copied and pasted it repeatedly - can't get much more low effort than that 😕.

My DP sent me a lovely first message and it was obvious he'd properly read my profile. Surely it's not too much to ask for people to put a bit of effort in.

I like politeness and a 'hello/hi' can go a long way but only if it's backed up with something. On it's own it's very meh.

Another one here who thinks that some women on OLD are missing out on dates with good men because those men don't have the talent for saying exactly the right thing in exactly the right way initially. The sleazy charmers who will probably ruin your life, will of course know exactly what to say...

I admire a man who takes his mum for afternoon tea. But I'd be dubious about our chemistry if he enjoyed it. The afternoon tea part I mean, not the spending time with mum part.

That one's for me... 😉

Hello is fine. They are testing the water to see if you’ll bother replying before they put any effort in. Just say hi back and then unmatch if their second reply is just as bad. This is particularly relevant in London or possibly other big cities. I think the tendency is to match with lots of people when out and about in the centre and then commute home and strike up conversations with the ones you like the look of.

The "that and your beautiful smile" would have me reaching for the sick bucket.

Please bear in mind that firstly the onus is always on the bloke to message first. Most women (I believe, from threads on here) will never message first out of principle so we have to start the ball rolling

and second, the vast majority of opening messages just get ignored. I’d say 9O%. When you spend time crafting a witty, clever and interesting message to get no response time after time I’m sure you can undrstand the motivation for that wanes, and it becomes sensible to send brief openings to start the chat, then be witty and interesting once a conversation is going

I hate it too. Just goes to show how easy it is to get the ick, doesn't it?

I think this possibly hinges on how many messages you get. If you get 100s per day, then hello isn't going to cut it. If you have one a day, you might be inclined to engage.