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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I was with work colleagues last night and was shocked to learn I was a mumsnet legend

112 replies

ACoatIsntJustForXmas · 28/11/2023 09:52

Hello.

Legend? 😂

I can assure you I wear no cape- I am no hero, I am no mentor. I was a desperate woman at the end of her tether who had to be smart. So I pooled from lots of women’s knowledge and started to plan

I just tried my best to fairly prepare a future life for my children and take on a bullying and coercive husband from a very wealthy family.

Apparently there were quite a few posters who wanted an update. Apologies for fleeing. It became clear journalists were interested in the story so I bailed.

Now here’s the best bit.

in my marriage I had no voice
I was ridiculed, belittled and made to believe that I was stupid, ugly and not enough for my ex. I learned that my ex had not only been caught out cheating by me- he’d been cheating for the best part of 17 years. When things become public it’s extraordinary who comes forward with details. I’m very grateful to those whistle blowers, they will always have a seat at my tiny table.

During our subsequent and drawn out divorce I took on his £3k a day barristers on my own and won- not bad for a ‘fat useless twat’ eh? 😄

I’m free now, all of my children have gone on to ace their lives and I have found true love with a man who of course has flaws but who shows me daily that he’s lucky to have me, he values me and I make his life better. It’s no fairytale but life goes on.

keep swimming my friends, put one foot in front of the other and show up. Take one hour at a time and congratulate yourself for not wobbling.

You will find peace again…baby steps x

Love Coats
X

OP posts:
Ilianor · 28/11/2023 13:33

That's a really lovely update, thank you and well done!

girlwhowearsglasses · 28/11/2023 13:38

Legend! Great update !

Hopingforbettertimesoon · 28/11/2023 13:41

You are a legend. Your story gives strength to others. You sound amazing. Thank you for your update ❤

CloverHilla · 28/11/2023 13:54

Oh my god, I can't believe I've spotted this!! What an update, I am so happy for you ❤️ 💗 💖

You are one of the few that I regularly think about and hope all turned out well for, and you're one of the even fewer that I remember their name.

Thank you so much for your update. Wishing you a lifetime of happiness, to make up for the shit you dealt with in your marriage.

Always a Legend!!!!!

handskneesandbumpsadaisy · 28/11/2023 14:25

Coats?! Oh my goodness! I'm so pleased to see this update, I think about your thread every time I buy a gift card!

So pleased to hear your update, I had every faith in you. Hope someone cleverer than me could find the original thread, sadly I think there are some ladies here who could use it...

Onwards and upwards, good luck to you!

TheCatterall · 28/11/2023 14:40

handskneesandbumpsadaisy · 28/11/2023 14:25

Coats?! Oh my goodness! I'm so pleased to see this update, I think about your thread every time I buy a gift card!

So pleased to hear your update, I had every faith in you. Hope someone cleverer than me could find the original thread, sadly I think there are some ladies here who could use it...

Onwards and upwards, good luck to you!

@handskneesandbumpsadaisy - what’s the story behind the gift card - it has the soundings of a fabulous idea to help a friend quietly start getting ducks in a row.

handskneesandbumpsadaisy · 28/11/2023 14:49

@TheCatterall Coats had a great thread that was based around what could she do now that would see her and her children through a year if her marriage ended and her husband was controlling with money. It was everything from getting £20 cashback at the supermarket every week, to buying next year's coats and shoes for the kids in the sales and yes buying gift cards for stores that she might need in the future. All things that were justifiable spending but still quite low key.

WishIMite · 28/11/2023 15:18

How wonderful. Well done coats. I love a happy ending. You should write a novel….

ACoatIsntJustForXmas · 28/11/2023 15:36

@WishIMite

Youre not the first person to say this ☺️

However what friends and family would add is nobody would believe my story-it’s utterly bananas.

OP posts:
Nochoiceleft · 28/11/2023 15:40

Did he react exactly as you predicted @ACoatIsntJustForXmas ?

TerrysChocolateOrange · 28/11/2023 15:43

Great to see this.

SomersetLevels · 28/11/2023 15:43

I’ve often wondered what happened to you. Delighted to hear your life has turned out well, congratulations x

Peasnbeans · 28/11/2023 15:46

Yes! I even asked on here about you, to see if you got away and kept the unit.
Bravo.

ACoatIsntJustForXmas · 28/11/2023 15:49

@Nochoiceleft prior to kicking his lying, cheating ass out I booked an 8 week course with a PT - 5am starts in case he was violent (he had been) and I’d also on the advice of a new friend (who’s husband was in the Met) collected as much evidence as I could - I thought this was as excessive but thank god I had because the DRAGGED me through every court in our county.

I was well prepared and won EVERYTHING 😘😢

OP posts:
Peasnbeans · 28/11/2023 15:52

@coatsprotectionleague
You have made my day, thank you.

OhIlovetosew · 28/11/2023 16:13

💐💐💐💐
fabulous update OP

Nochoiceleft · 28/11/2023 16:32

@ACoatIsntJustForXmas sounds like an absolute nightmare with an amazing ending.

Littlegoth · 28/11/2023 16:34

👏

Squirrelsbite · 28/11/2023 16:38

You are awesome 🙌

alwaysneedanap · 28/11/2023 16:47

so glad to see your update! you were amazing!!

Mix56 · 28/11/2023 16:49

Fantastic update, You are an absolute legend.
It would be edifying to know he is unhappy & living alone ! I so hope his bubble exploded to the far side of Fuck

SwishSwishBisch · 28/11/2023 16:57

Not many threads stick in my memory long term but oh my goodness Coats, yours did! I’m so happy to hear you’re out and thriving in your new life, and I hope your miserable ex is feeling the loss every day. Thanks so much for coming back to update us

invisibleoldwoman · 28/11/2023 17:04

Wonderful to read your update. Many congratulations. I have often wondered how things turned out. So impressed with all your undercover planning.

OiGetOff · 28/11/2023 17:05

Absolute legend.