Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I was with work colleagues last night and was shocked to learn I was a mumsnet legend

112 replies

ACoatIsntJustForXmas · 28/11/2023 09:52

Hello.

Legend? 😂

I can assure you I wear no cape- I am no hero, I am no mentor. I was a desperate woman at the end of her tether who had to be smart. So I pooled from lots of women’s knowledge and started to plan

I just tried my best to fairly prepare a future life for my children and take on a bullying and coercive husband from a very wealthy family.

Apparently there were quite a few posters who wanted an update. Apologies for fleeing. It became clear journalists were interested in the story so I bailed.

Now here’s the best bit.

in my marriage I had no voice
I was ridiculed, belittled and made to believe that I was stupid, ugly and not enough for my ex. I learned that my ex had not only been caught out cheating by me- he’d been cheating for the best part of 17 years. When things become public it’s extraordinary who comes forward with details. I’m very grateful to those whistle blowers, they will always have a seat at my tiny table.

During our subsequent and drawn out divorce I took on his £3k a day barristers on my own and won- not bad for a ‘fat useless twat’ eh? 😄

I’m free now, all of my children have gone on to ace their lives and I have found true love with a man who of course has flaws but who shows me daily that he’s lucky to have me, he values me and I make his life better. It’s no fairytale but life goes on.

keep swimming my friends, put one foot in front of the other and show up. Take one hour at a time and congratulate yourself for not wobbling.

You will find peace again…baby steps x

Love Coats
X

OP posts:
Somatosensational · 14/12/2023 09:29

I remember you. I’m so happy to see this update.

MothralovesGojira · 14/12/2023 09:32

OMG Coats what an outcome!
I have thought of you often over the years, particularly when passing storage units! I am so pleased that you survived and thrived and that your DC's have also thrived too. I worried when you stopped posting because we often never know if an OP has withdrawn because they didn't go through with it and are too embarrassed to admit it or on the other end of the scale that you ended up dead and 'just' another DV statistic.

I'm so pleased that you've updated and actually this is a lovely Christmas gift for us all - so thank you Coats. I wish you all the very best xx

Ironingpile · 17/12/2023 23:37

Just read the whole thread as wasn’t on MN at the time.

Absolute 100% legend.

Some fantastic advice from other women too, at the time when you needed it most.

What a brilliant update. So happy for you and your children. Have a wonderful Christmas.

Crikeyalmighty · 18/12/2023 01:34

I'm not suprised you found someone great @ACoatIsntJustForXmas - you clearly are a sharp, amusing and sassy lady. He was a total fool. You Did by the way exactly what I would do in those circumstances, kept your powder dry and put yourself in the best position you could before pulling the rug- I would tell anyone to do the same , even though it's a very hard thing to pull off.

RunningAwayToJoinTheCircus · 19/12/2023 05:50

Oh coats! Great news!
Take that mascara and send it to one of those etsy types that gold plate baby shoes and things, and have it turned into a trophy piece for your mantlepiece!

Original poster
ACoatIsntJustForXmas · 19/12/2023 06:33

@Mum5net yes of course you can

I feel a bit rusty on here to be honest - it’s been a while 😁

OP posts:
Ostryga · 19/12/2023 06:49

Having a little cry at 6am, this is hands down the best update I’ve ever read. Thanks for coming back and I’m SO GLAD it turned out this way.

Merry Christmas!

Original poster
ACoatIsntJustForXmas · 19/12/2023 06:51

Wow that’s so sweet thanks for your well wishes I really appreciate them x

OP posts:
Ohyoudodoyou · 19/12/2023 07:20

What an amazing thread, I've been here many years and never even seen this.
Been through something similar but you wear the crown my friend!
You could actually get a lot of that money back to you by writing this up and it becoming a best selling book...tv series.. etc...just saying Xmas Wink

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 19/12/2023 07:28

Thanks @ACoatIsntJustForXmas for coming back with the update. It’s very kind of you to let us know you’re not only safe but happy too.

You should take this out of 30 days only as it would be a good ‘end’ to your original threads.

Original poster
ACoatIsntJustForXmas · 19/12/2023 07:56

@Ohyoudodoyou

like I said previously - I left a lot out of my previous threads- enough so as to ensure I wasn’t identifiable

I’ve joked about writing a self help book - Friends and family have quite sagely pointed out nobody would believe half the stuff I had to put up with during my gobshite marriage 😂 so not sure a book would cut it 😃😃

OP posts:
Mum5net · 19/12/2023 10:15

ACoatIsntJustForXmas · 19/12/2023 06:33

@Mum5net yes of course you can

I feel a bit rusty on here to be honest - it’s been a while 😁

I think the Mumsnet team will be happy to move your thread to 'Chat' @ACoatIsntJustForXmas if you report it yourself. Your update deserves to be read by everybody and it would be such a shame for all your comments to expire next week.

Flittingaboutagain · 19/12/2023 10:31

30 days only was her choice though. Coats has a new life now and it was very good of her to even update at all.

2ndMrsdeWinter · 19/12/2023 17:02

I remember you well and often wondered where life took you.

You ARE a hero.

TheOccupier · 19/12/2023 20:30

I remember you too and have thought of you over the years. What a wonderful update!

TheABC · 19/12/2023 20:39

Another lurker here who is impressed by your preparation, drive and tenacity! Well done, @ACoatIsntJustForXmas. I read through your thread during the baby night feeds and it reinforced to me that - no matter what - I must always have a fallback plan.

Unicorntastic · 20/12/2023 13:15

glad to see a positive outcome, I did always wonder how you’d got on 👍🏻

noodlezoodle · 20/12/2023 14:24

Coats! So glad to hear this - I remember your threads like they were yesterday, I can't believe it's been 5 years! I have always wondered how you got on and I'm delighted to hear you got the new life you deserve. A pox upon your ex!

RelaxedPigeon · 20/12/2023 18:43

I remember your original thread too. I've often wondered how you were doing. I'm glad to hear that you're doing well! Well done with the way you handled it.

Original poster
ACoatIsntJustForXmas · 18/03/2024 08:22

Thanks so much ladies x

OP posts:
OssieShowman · 18/03/2024 09:39

You deserve every happiness.

Cattenberg · 18/03/2024 10:09

I remember your thread and always hoped that your meticulous planning had paid off. I’m very glad to read that it did. I bet your ex got a shock when he finally realised you were smarter than him and had been a few steps ahead for ages!

Also, your thread will help lots of other women. Anyone in a similar situation should read it.

BlondiesHaveMoreFun · 18/03/2024 11:57

I remember your thread! My user name was Husky then. Very similar experiences with our Exes! I'm glad to hear that life is going well for you, and that you have a lovely new partner. Going through a divorce is horrific. It's so nice to be out the other side and happy!

thisisasurvivor · 18/03/2024 12:01

ACoatIsntJustForXmas · 28/11/2023 09:52

Hello.

Legend? 😂

I can assure you I wear no cape- I am no hero, I am no mentor. I was a desperate woman at the end of her tether who had to be smart. So I pooled from lots of women’s knowledge and started to plan

I just tried my best to fairly prepare a future life for my children and take on a bullying and coercive husband from a very wealthy family.

Apparently there were quite a few posters who wanted an update. Apologies for fleeing. It became clear journalists were interested in the story so I bailed.

Now here’s the best bit.

in my marriage I had no voice
I was ridiculed, belittled and made to believe that I was stupid, ugly and not enough for my ex. I learned that my ex had not only been caught out cheating by me- he’d been cheating for the best part of 17 years. When things become public it’s extraordinary who comes forward with details. I’m very grateful to those whistle blowers, they will always have a seat at my tiny table.

During our subsequent and drawn out divorce I took on his £3k a day barristers on my own and won- not bad for a ‘fat useless twat’ eh? 😄

I’m free now, all of my children have gone on to ace their lives and I have found true love with a man who of course has flaws but who shows me daily that he’s lucky to have me, he values me and I make his life better. It’s no fairytale but life goes on.

keep swimming my friends, put one foot in front of the other and show up. Take one hour at a time and congratulate yourself for not wobbling.

You will find peace again…baby steps x

Love Coats
X

Shivers up my spine

Love this so much

Love the support on here

Love that I left my abuser

Love that so many on here guided and cheered me on

Sending you the best ever wishes xxxxx

cerisepanther73 · 18/03/2024 12:06

@ACoatIsntJustForXmas

That's inspirational and thank you so much for telling your story,

You deserve it..

💛

Swipe left for the next trending thread