I was with work colleagues last night and was shocked to learn I was a mumsnet legend

[ACoatIsntJustForXmas]

Hello.

Legend? 😂

I can assure you I wear no cape- I am no hero, I am no mentor. I was a desperate woman at the end of her tether who had to be smart. So I pooled from lots of women’s knowledge and started to plan

I just tried my best to fairly prepare a future life for my children and take on a bullying and coercive husband from a very wealthy family.

Apparently there were quite a few posters who wanted an update. Apologies for fleeing. It became clear journalists were interested in the story so I bailed.

Now here’s the best bit.

in my marriage I had no voice
I was ridiculed, belittled and made to believe that I was stupid, ugly and not enough for my ex. I learned that my ex had not only been caught out cheating by me- he’d been cheating for the best part of 17 years. When things become public it’s extraordinary who comes forward with details. I’m very grateful to those whistle blowers, they will always have a seat at my tiny table.

During our subsequent and drawn out divorce I took on his £3k a day barristers on my own and won- not bad for a ‘fat useless twat’ eh? 😄

I’m free now, all of my children have gone on to ace their lives and I have found true love with a man who of course has flaws but who shows me daily that he’s lucky to have me, he values me and I make his life better. It’s no fairytale but life goes on.

keep swimming my friends, put one foot in front of the other and show up. Take one hour at a time and congratulate yourself for not wobbling.

You will find peace again…baby steps x

Love Coats
X

Bloody well done 👍

just read your entire thread, well done! Also, you should consider becoming a writer

Loved the update, I followed your previous post back then and was cheering you on. Glad to hear it all worked out for you.

You are a powerhouse, so pleased for you

Wow. I just read your old thread for the first time. What a read! You've been amazing.

LEGEND! You deserve your happy ending.

I'm so happy to see your update. I have no reason to leave my partner, but your experience has encouraged me to do certain things differently, like always overpaying a little into our tax free childcare account, as a precaution.

Love this.

I can’t begin to tell you how pleased I am to see this update. Coats you ARE a legend and the support and advice you received on your thread was Mumsnet at this it’s VERY best - woman supporting, encouraging and empowering each other. The advice given to you, I took on board for myself and was able to improve my marriage - I grew a back bone basically and the sky didn’t fall in - but more importantly it allowed me to support two friends going through nasty divorces. Christmas presents, toiletries, new trainers, electronics were all bought in advance and legal advice was hired even although both husbands suggested it was necessary (!). Both husbands totally underestimated their wives in the way you were underestimated and I’ve often thought how many others you directly, or indirectly, your thread helped.
Thank you so much for updating. Reading that you and your children are happy and thriving is exactly the kind of good news story we, how remember your thread and have thought about you since, needed.

Gosh that made me cry xx

Coats, just wanted to add that I remember you vividly because you were so impressive and determined. It is lovely to hear that things have worked out well for you and your family, thanks for coming back to let us know.

Thanks Clambering

Coats, hats off to you and your lovely family of young adults. The inner strength and resolve you displayed prior to confrontation made your thread so hauntingly memorable. Reading it back again, no longer in real time, I think you deserve the highest accolade mumsnetters can give their own... I think your actions to this day still strongly influence the advice' and sisterhood given to others in a similar position. You were the role model no one would wanted to be, but you 'functioned' your way through those awful days with immense bravery and humour.
Maybe in honour we should change the phrase 'Get your ducks in a row', to 'Get your coats in a row' ?
May I ask, what became of your circle of friends before the break up, have they rallied around and supported you in your new life? Did you move to the rental property within walking distance of the schools and do you still have supplies even now that were squirreled to the lock up? Huge admiration to you, OP. You deserve to thrive in everything you do.

@Mum5net

it was very tough initially I definitely kept my cards close to my chest. I found our situation was the local scandal everyone was gossiping about. I had a lot of people reaching out but because I was very damaged by my marriage I had zero trust so I hunkered down and this possibly harmed those friendships I did have.

There were a handful of close friends and of course my family who rallied round and it’s safe to say I would not be here today without them. My ex left us pretty much penniless and because the legal processes and admin (CMS) take so so long I would’ve been royally fucked had I not anticipated what he would do and just how dirty he would play.

My three very close girlfriends have in turn helped us in ways you’d not imagine. One Christmas (the second year) I had very little to put under the tree for the kids and an eye-watering gas bill to pay- one friend took me out for the day and paid for presents for all of the children in the proviso I’d say they were from me - astounding - the kind of friend who also came to my rescue when I was stuck in a car park sobbing because I’d forgotten how to put my car in reverse (stress does crazy things to you)

I still have toiletries - it does make my smile , I really should crack open the ludicrously expensive mascara that’s what-five years old by now, but I just can’t 🤷‍♀️

Really delighted to have found your fantastic update, OP.

I hope you and your children are having the lives you deserve.

Coates, I’m so pleased to find this update! I often thought of you and your story and was so impressed with your self control and the smart way you planned your exit. I always hoped it had worked out well for you. So glad to hear it did and that you are happy now!
Living well is the best revenge ❤️

🙄

So please for you OP. You are amazing.

So pleased for you. Was around back then under a different name and your determination inspired me

I'm so glad to read your update! I have thought of you often since your previous post and always hoped that you got the happy ending that you and your children deserved.

Just read your old thread and this one.
You sound like such a strong, intelligent woman.
Your DCs have an amazing role model in you.
So glad you got away and are settled now.
Very, very best wishes to you and yours, Coats.

Too kind x

Ahhh what a fab update!

I refer back to your threads on and off for people going through similar. I remember a follow up TAAT and many posters were saying when the deadline came perhaps you couldn't go through with ending things and so went quiet. I always hoped that whatever happened you and the children were OK and maybe you stopped posting because of the DM!

So happy to have stumbled on your update all these years later. Good for you.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
You were/are wonderful!
So glad to hear you got through all his knobbery and came through triumphant. In awe.

@ACoatIsntJustForXmas may I tag you thread elsewhere on mumsnet to get more traction? I'm sure many people would be uplifted and inspired to hear how you battled through and found contentment again,