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Original poster

Men who want "sexual chemistry"

120 replies

Sundaycoffee · 23/11/2023 10:26

Online dating- is this a sign they are probably only looking for casual/one thing when they say this? A lot of men have sexual chemistry stated in their profile.
Obviously a relationship does require sexual chemistry but when this is stated over anything else should I be wary?
I'm not very good at nor do I want casual sex. I'm in my 30s and would like to meet someone.
I am talking to a man who has told me he "wants to invest time in the right person but is keen to take things slowly and find someone he clicks with and has sexual chemistry with" 🙄
Am I being too harsh I assuming he's probably only looking for one thing?

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 23/11/2023 10:32

It's a while since I did OD, so not sure of current situation, but my reaction is a bit Hmm . Tis one of those things that's implied innit? Shouldn't need pointing out? So I would be a bit suspicious of it. But I'm a cynical old bat.

VenturingOut80 · 23/11/2023 10:36

I was put off immediately by anyone who mentioned sex, chemistry or whatever on their profile. I also deleted any guy who mentioned sex before we'd even had one date.

It's something you can judge when you meet. If someone feels the need to mention it on their profile it puts me off.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 23/11/2023 10:42

I agree definitely puts me off too! I've just unmatched with him anyway after he told me he wanted to meet someone he who he enjoyed spending time with or was "the least pain in the butt"
Tell me you hate women without telling me you hate women 🤣

OP posts:
SamW98 · 23/11/2023 10:45

The new one seems to be ‘sex positivity’ on their profile. I asked one what he meant by that and his reply ‘I’m hot stuff in the sack baby’ - course you are mate.

Im with PP any mention of sex from the off or turn turning the chat sexual before you’ve even met is a red flag for me. I’d rather meet face to face and see if there’s a spark than indulge in cheesy sleazy chat with a random stranger as let’s be honest most of it is pretty cringe anyway.

Olika · 23/11/2023 11:06

That would turn me off to read on a profile. I would like to think lots of people want sexual chemistry with their partner but mentioning it right away just makes me think they want this mind blowing chemistry from the first moment you meet and they move on very quickly to next one instead of getting to know the person and see if things grow. I didn't even fancy my now DH on our first date. Only after I got to know him and saw how he was treating me and dealing with things and investing in us suddenly he became so attractive.

farthingwood5 · 23/11/2023 17:05

Exactly this. From my recent OLD experience I have spoken to several guys who all say they want ‘instant chemistry like in the movies’. I feel like these are the types who mostly enjoy casual dating and only give it one date before swiping on.

I also avoid the ‘sex positivity’ profiles !

farthingwood5 · 23/11/2023 17:05

Meant to quote the comment above but didn’t work ! :)

Planesmistakenforstars · 23/11/2023 17:11

I would take it to mean that they want sex straight away and they expect to get the type of sex they want as often as they want, and anyone who doesn't comply will be dumped due to "lack sexual chemistry."

Watchkeys · 23/11/2023 17:12

'looking for signs' and wondering 'if you're being too harsh' suggest you're in a vulnerable position, OP. The signs are 'I like it' or 'I don't like it', and what does 'too harsh' mean? Too harsh by whose rules?

PosterBoy · 23/11/2023 17:14

Some people are very crap in bed.

Ilovelurchers · 23/11/2023 17:16

Sex is a massively important part of a relationship for me, so I wouldn't mind this because to be honest I feel the same - it's one of the first things that would need to be right for me, then after that I would find out if we shared the same values, liked the same hobbies etc.....

If sex isn't as high up your priority list it's probably good to swerve these guys, as it sounds like, for them, it is.

category12 · 23/11/2023 17:16

‘I’m hot stuff in the sack baby’

😂😂

Pinkbonbon · 23/11/2023 17:19

Swerve anyone who mentions sex before you've even met them.

I'd take what he's saying as 'I sleep with women as soon as I can and then tell them we didn't have enough chemistry in order to ditch them'.

Celia24 · 23/11/2023 17:22

Any mention of sex in a profile is a bad sign imo. Either because yes they only want casual or because they have some kind of hang up or baggage that is so important they've actually highlighted it.

Ilovelurchers · 23/11/2023 17:23

I've just reconsidered my first response actually and I think you are right. My husband and I met on Tinder and had a massively sexual relationship almost from the word go, but even we didn't discuss sex before we had first met, to be fair. Didn't shag on our first date either. It was after the first date, in the texting that ensued (we did kiss etc and it was v hot) that we talked about sexual preferences and all that jazz.....

So yeah. Leading with sex maybe doesn't mean "I love sex and want good sex as a key part of our relationship." But maybe does mean "I just want sex and that's all".

Who knows though? Everyone is different.

App13 · 23/11/2023 17:25

VenturingOut80 · 23/11/2023 10:36

I was put off immediately by anyone who mentioned sex, chemistry or whatever on their profile. I also deleted any guy who mentioned sex before we'd even had one date.

It's something you can judge when you meet. If someone feels the need to mention it on their profile it puts me off.

I'm the same, i feel any mention of sex ,thats it for me

Watchkeys · 23/11/2023 17:35

PosterBoy · 23/11/2023 17:14

Some people are very crap in bed.

It's about compatibility, not rating performance.

What's the relevance of this opinion here, anyway?

SamW98 · 23/11/2023 17:36

Also men who seem to see who men as a series of body parts - you’re chatting normally and out the blue they say ‘can I just mention your fantastic tits’ or ‘now those are hips I would love to grab hold of’ before they’ve actually bought you a drink.

Yes I know not every woman feels the same but this sort of thing is an absolute no fit me.

littleburn · 23/11/2023 17:38

Well if you're on a dating app and looking for a relationship then by definition you're looking for someone you fancy, else you'd just be looking for a friend! So I'd assume any bloke specifically mentioning 'sexual chemistry', 'sex positive' etc is signalling they want something physical but casual, want to 'explore' being poly etc, etc. In short they're not looking for a committed relationship, but they know coming out and saying 'I'm just after a shag' doesn't get many takers.

PosterBoy · 23/11/2023 17:40

littleburn · 23/11/2023 17:38

Well if you're on a dating app and looking for a relationship then by definition you're looking for someone you fancy, else you'd just be looking for a friend! So I'd assume any bloke specifically mentioning 'sexual chemistry', 'sex positive' etc is signalling they want something physical but casual, want to 'explore' being poly etc, etc. In short they're not looking for a committed relationship, but they know coming out and saying 'I'm just after a shag' doesn't get many takers.

Oh really not! Many many people really are not very sex driven at all.

PosterBoy · 23/11/2023 17:44

Watchkeys · 23/11/2023 17:35

It's about compatibility, not rating performance.

What's the relevance of this opinion here, anyway?

Show quote history

Because a lot of people really are not enthusiastic about sex. Which almost by definition makes them crap in bed.

Surprised I have to spell that part out but there we go.

A huge number of both men and women online don't even want to meet up - they are there for the ego boost, or curiosity, or are scared of meeting up, or a thousand other reasons I couldn't guess at. Some are basically asexual but still want a relationship - perfectly reasonable. Some purely see sex in transactional terms, fair enough, but that means chemistry isn't important to them. Again - shit in bed. Etc.

wishingiwas20something · 23/11/2023 17:50

Roughly decoded it means ‘Let’s sleep together and I’ll see if the chemistry is there’.

SamW98 · 23/11/2023 17:52

PosterBoy · 23/11/2023 17:40

Oh really not! Many many people really are not very sex driven at all.

Show quote history

And others of us want to meet someone, get to know them and build the connection first. Once we’re in that place then sex will come naturally but we’re not looking for casual sex or jumping into bed with someone we barely know.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 23/11/2023 17:53

SamW98 · 23/11/2023 10:45

The new one seems to be ‘sex positivity’ on their profile. I asked one what he meant by that and his reply ‘I’m hot stuff in the sack baby’ - course you are mate.

Im with PP any mention of sex from the off or turn turning the chat sexual before you’ve even met is a red flag for me. I’d rather meet face to face and see if there’s a spark than indulge in cheesy sleazy chat with a random stranger as let’s be honest most of it is pretty cringe anyway.

‘I’m hot stuff in the sack baby’

I don't know who talks like that, but I don't think sexy men do.

littleburn · 23/11/2023 17:53

@PosterBoy but it reads in a particular way to a lot of women. I mean maybe these men do want a committed relationship with amazing sexual chemistry, but to a lot of women on OLD who also want that (I'd be in that category if I were single!) it can read as shorthand for wanting something that's high on the physical but low on the commitment.