Men who want "sexual chemistry"

[Sundaycoffee]

Online dating- is this a sign they are probably only looking for casual/one thing when they say this? A lot of men have sexual chemistry stated in their profile.
Obviously a relationship does require sexual chemistry but when this is stated over anything else should I be wary?
I'm not very good at nor do I want casual sex. I'm in my 30s and would like to meet someone.
I am talking to a man who has told me he "wants to invest time in the right person but is keen to take things slowly and find someone he clicks with and has sexual chemistry with" 🙄
Am I being too harsh I assuming he's probably only looking for one thing?

I think that's charitable to say but probably a very small percentage, the rest just want to jump straight into shagging.

@MerryMidwinter

That’s exactly it. They want cheap easy sex without any commitment and think a couple of drinks buys them the right to a guaranteed first date shag. Meanwhile they’ll stay on the apps messaging other women then when someone else takes them il on their offer, they’ll claim no sexual chemistry and go off to disappoint her instead.

And half of them so desperate that they reveal themselves before even meeting. The naked photos 🤮 overly sexual messaging within a couple of days or if you’re really as lucky as me, the one who started wanking while we were talking on the phone.

Yes you are absolutely right.

My ex was taking my naked pictures and sending to another woman to show his prowess on me.

I video called her by snatching his phone and showed her his true colours.

Karma - she ditched him one month later.

@SamW98 sadly all true. OLD is like a magnet for losers who can’t pull in real life. I learnt very quickly that any mention of sex literally always means steer clear or look forward to dick pics, sleazy videos and more.

When I started out I was quite naive and took it in a ‘we’re all grownups being honest about what we’re looking for’ type way but I wised up through bitter experience 🙄

Agree with pps.

I'm against slut-shaming, etc, etc. Physical intimacy and attraction is important

However, in the context of the current OD scene, this normally means

"every morning you have to send me a homemade porn clip of you, in various locations, to prove our chemistry.

PS I probably don't want to really meet IRL, unless you say I can come round for 30 minutes at the last minute".

If there's chemistry it's there, and you'll find out when you meet IN PERSON when on a normal date in a public place.

I think that's charitable to say but probably a very small percentage, the rest just want to jump straight into shagging

I agree with you. My gut instinct would have been to read comments like that and think "eww, creepy as fuck and probably all about sex".

It's only since reading threads on here where it seems there's quite a lot of people who are ambivalent about sex and/or don't see it as important in a relationship that I've taken a slightly more charitable view.

The thing is that a lot of the women on OLD are looking for great compatible sex - when the time is right. Not a half arsed shag in the pub car park after happy hour.

And I bet a lot of the men moaning there’s no decent women out there are the same ones who think ‘cracking jugs love’ is a top class opening line.

They don’t seem to fathom they would get more, better sex just by not promoting themselves on OLD in the style of Jay from The Inbetweeners

Just because a guy mentions sex doesn't honestly make him better than one who doesn't. I would say from guys I have dated sexual chemistry is important. I don't think there's anything wrong in it. I would be more weary of the person who is silent about what to they are looking for and what's important to them. My ex is back on OLD... there's nothing to suggest he is looking for a shag in his profile which is what he has told me he's looking for...not a relationship.

I think this is the problem- one person’s ‘kink’ is another’s vanilla.

It’s actually the same as guys who want to meet someone with ‘GSOH’ or say something like you need to be funny or enjoy banter.

Who doesn’t want to go out with someone who makes them laugh? But it’s so subjective as to be completely meaningless!

These guys are almost never funny. Or they turn up cracking one- liners constantly. Tedious.

"sexual chemistry" == "i want it every day and anything less is license to cheat on you"

I think it means that they expect the woman they end up with to be about eight times as attractive as they are. A balding 50 year old will have no trouble deciding he has sexual chemistry with a hot woman in her twenties.

The attractive woman he ends up with should be happy to have sex whenever he wants it and however he wants it. If he has trouble getting it up then that means the sexual chemistry is at fault, not that he’s getting on a bit.

I don’t think desiring sexual chemistry is a bad thing but it’s crass to put it out there on a dating profile. It is a main factor in a successful relationship imo, especially when you’re younger.

They probably had a partner who wasn't that into sex and they are now looking for a raging nympho. Good luck with that.
Whatever they are looking for I'd say it suggests they weren't happy with the sex they had with a previous partner. I'd avoid for myself, I'm not looking for sex every night, I'd just be looking for a reliable partner who will pull their weight.
I'd put on mine - looking for a man willing to pull his weight.
I'd probably get no replies.

I’ve had men in past claiming they’ve got a GSOH whose idea of wit is making digs while saying it’s ’just banter’

Or the ones who say you’ve got no SOH because you don’t find their 1970’s sexist Benny hill jokes the height of hilarity.

And anyone who says on their OLD profile - I love to laugh - I mean who doesn’t? I feel like relying ‘I prefer a life of misery myself’

@SamW98 😂 at ‘I love to laugh’ …that line should be a UN recognised red flag. I’ve never had a fun date with someone who says they’re a good laugh on their profile.

I do tend to read "looking for sexual chemistry" as "I didn't get laid enough in my last relationship, which can't possibly have anything to do with how I treated my ex or my skill in bed".

What he's said seems contradictory to me. I wonder if he means take it slow and see if you have chemistry and if there's sexual tension there?

I think it's a sign that they're crude, regardless of what it says about them in terms of sex(uality). Most people who are looking for a sexually compatible relationship, but can't they think of anything more interesting to say? It's like stating that you'd like a partner who can read and write, and wear clothes that fit them.

What does it actually mean, anyway? Who's going to go on a date and know before meeting whether they can offer sexual chemistry? It's a vacuous thing to say.

Austin Powers 🤣

OLD was just starting to be a thing when I met my DH.
Tbh it sounds awful now - perfect for men who are just looking for casual sex but much more difficult if you're looking to find a proper partner. As for dick pics, ugh!!! I don't know anyone who'd appreciate them, gross.