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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Neighbour problems (AIBU/Are THEY Being unreasonable)?

79 replies

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:04

In May last year my husband and I (with some friends helping) had to take down a tree in our front garden as it was looking like it might come down uncontrolled of its own accord. Things did not go to plan and it fell into our neighbours garden, breaking a stone birdbath and damaging 2 Leylandii forming part of their hedge. We apologised (a lot) and said we would obviously pay for any damage/replace items.

It's not really relevant but he was an arse. DH and I agreed that if the roles had been reversed, we would have at least checked if everyone was ok, then grabbed our chainsaws and helped clean up. Our neighbour came out, got angry (understandable) but stood taking photos "in case he needed them at a later date" or standing with his arms folded making nasty comments as the 5 of us cleaned up the mess we'd made. I did ask him at one point to stop saying the things he was saying.

Later that night we set up a whatsapp group with the 4 of us. DH apologised again and repeated that "we are happy to settle reasonable costs/replace and damaged items". We got an amicable response saying had the bushes been broken they would need replacing but it's just skinned some bark off 2 of them so "they'll survive for a time" (I'll be honest, the 'for a time' hadn't meant anything to me until I re-read the message this morning), and that the bird bath base is fine and they'd get a replacement top.

A couple of weeks later (I think, it was a long time ago!), I saw his wife gardening so I went out to talk to her and said we hadn't settled up regarding the bird bath. She told me not to worry about it. I think she said they had found a replacement, but I might be remembering that incorrectly. She assured me not to worry about the money.

For the last 18 months he has blanked us completely, every time we've tried to say hi. He's a bit of an odd character (public forum!! I'm being polite...) so we didn't lose sleep over it. His wife has always been perfectly lovely.

Last night, 18 months later, we received another message on the whatsapp group. He complained we never went round and had a conversation and demanded £360, providing their bank details. £80 for the bird bath (or gave us the option of buying one for them and deducting it from the total, which we would never do without knowing what they wanted) and £280 for 2 Leylandii. A quick google tells me a 5ft Leylandii costs £18 and a 7 ft Leylandii costs £45 - I'm not much of a gardener so there may be subtleties about Leylandii I'm missing but how much variation can there be!!

DH and I are livid as our understanding was that it was all resolved 18 months ago. I'm more upset because I've lived in a LOT of places and always got on with my neighbours and now we've bought what we considered to be a long term/forever home we end up with this kind of tension. DH is just really angry about the way this guy has gone about things and feels he is trying to rip us off, and that had he subsequently decided the bushes needed replacing our neighbour should have come and had a conversation. I agree with DH btw. While I don't really want to, I've said to DH I want a face to face conversation as i don't think whatsapp is helpful (unless documenting any agreement after the fact) but they have people over at the moment and I'm out tomorrow night so it will have to wait until Wednesday. I’m tempted to just let him reply to the message but I want to be the bigger person/people and feel like we’ve made an effort to clear things up properly. I am under no illusion, knowing this guys character that there is no rose-tinted outcome here.

On the one hand, how has this gone on for 18 months! My point of view is that taking all the behaviour out of the equation we did damage their property and should be willing to pay REASONABLE compensation, which in my view is NOT £360.

Am I being too soft? too hard?

OP posts:
Pezdeoro41 · 20/11/2023 20:17

This is extremely annoying and I would feel the same, like you for the sake of neighbourly relations I’d likely pay it - maybe with a screenshot of the previous WhatsApps with a “sorry, we had really thought that this was resolved etc!”

The prices you’ve found do seem cheap for leylandii, they might not be mature ones so if theirs were and they want to replace like for like then that cost doesn’t seem so unreasonable to me.

You are both right though, it is unreasonable how he’s handled things!

AudiobookListener · 20/11/2023 20:17

£360 seems reasonable. The leylandii will need to be removed safely and disposed of and new trees of a similar size planted. That's going to cost a lot more in labour than just the purchase price of the trees. I expect your neighbour wants to use a properly qualified, insured and equipped tradesman to do the job. Which, frankly, is what you should have done instead of trying to take down a tree yourselves.

You live and learn. I would pay up for the sake of neighbourly harmony.

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:21

I'm not being arsey, I am genuinely asking. Why would you need qualifications to plant a 5 ft (I think it is) conifer?

OP posts:
johnd2 · 20/11/2023 20:22

To be honest they are probably still upset about the shock of what happened and I guess the money would get some kind of closure. They didn't ask for you to knock the tree into their garden, obviously you were embarrassed and they were annoyed but it's probably still emotions coming up a bit on both sides rather than pound signs lighting up for a compo claim.
Hopefully you can afford it and put it behind you, take care.

lesdeluges · 20/11/2023 20:22

Honestly, if I had the money I'd just give it to them.

At this stage since he sounds a tad unpleasant, it would be worth it to close the book and move on amicably. Life is just too short to have a row over this, and since the damage was actually caused by you (albeit with good intentions re your original tree), I think you should pay up. Arguing about the cost of things will get you nowhere. Involve the wife in this and make sure the two of them are together when (if) you agree to pay what he requested.

I know that is probably not what you wanted to hear, but it would be what I would do, if I caused the damage in the first place. For the sake of good neighbourly relations. Any aggro over this and it will never end, and your lives will be unpleasant living beside them going forward, and as you said, it is your forever home.

johnd2 · 20/11/2023 20:23

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:21

I'm not being arsey, I am genuinely asking. Why would you need qualifications to plant a 5 ft (I think it is) conifer?

I don't know but whatever it is, I don't have it as everything I try to move dies after a couple of years!

peachgreen · 20/11/2023 20:24

Sounds like a fair price to me. Two trees, birdbath, gardener for a day to do the work.

AbondonedThemePark · 20/11/2023 20:26

If they're going to plant new leylandii they'll have to remove the old, so that's what will cost.

If he's an arse then be prepared to give him the money and see no new trees. Or watch as he removes the old ones himself and plants £15 ones.

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:26

Same here. I've tried to get into gardening but I just don't have that gene.

OP posts:
category12 · 20/11/2023 20:26

I guess you should have gone round and spoken to both of them more formally than just catching the wife on her own? Seems like maybe that's why he's been blanking you all this time.

Yes, he probably should have contacted you again far sooner, but then again as the "guilty" parties you should have been a bit more proactive - they're only next door, whatsapp is a weird way to discuss it.

I think pay.

SausageAndEggSandwich · 20/11/2023 20:26

I think at this point I would just pay.

I know it's annoying and he could be a bit more generous, but you were arguably negligent in trying to take down a mature tree on the cheap. It went wrong, and the consequence is that your neighbours fell out with you and you have to pay them some money.

It could have been a lot worse.

CormoranEllacott · 20/11/2023 20:27

They probably need the original tree roots ground out and taken away. It can be expensive. They probably want to use an insured contractor, which would prevent the type of issue you had with the tree. It’s lucky it didn’t land on somebody. But, having said that, it doesn’t stop him also being an arse. If it was me, I wouldn’t have behaved that way. I would also mention to him you thought it was resolved following your conversation with his wife.

40andlovelife · 20/11/2023 20:29

It was your fault but you expected them to help ? Have I read that right?

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:30

Yes, we will definitely be making the point that we thought it was all resolved. I'm sure he won't believe it after 18 months of resentment but we are not that kind of couple.

OP posts:
GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 20:30

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:21

I'm not being arsey, I am genuinely asking. Why would you need qualifications to plant a 5 ft (I think it is) conifer?

Well you didn't think you needed qualifcations to take a tree down, and look how well that went... If you'd paid for it to be done properly you wouldn't be in this situation.

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:30

I didn't "Expect" him to help. I just said our reaction would have been very different.

OP posts:
GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 20:31

40andlovelife · 20/11/2023 20:29

It was your fault but you expected them to help ? Have I read that right?

Exactly. OP is moaning about her neighbour's reactions to an situation she created by trying to cut corners.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 20/11/2023 20:31

Of course the wife went about it the usual British way, 'oh don't worry about paying its fine'.. and the only response is "we insist " and doing so!

Bobbybobbins · 20/11/2023 20:31

People react strangely to things sometimes. Agree it's odd to leave it so long but I think the price seems reasonable so I would pay but confirm that is it!

aswarmofmidges · 20/11/2023 20:32

Roots to be removed for the old trees I would suspect before any replacements can be planted

GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 20:33

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:30

I didn't "Expect" him to help. I just said our reaction would have been very different.

From what I've read, the idea of you and your DH helping by "grabbing" a couple of chainsaws is the last thing I'd want.

TicTacNicNak · 20/11/2023 20:34

Just out of interest, how are the two trees that got "skinned" by your falling tree. Eighteen months on, do they still show signs of damage? Has it caused a gap in the hedge or have they grown oddly?

GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 20:34

So you've admitted that you know nothing about gardening. You got a few mates together to take a tree down, which obviously needed to be done professionally. And now you're criticising your neighbour because you damaged their trees, which now need replacing?!

SleepPrettyDarling · 20/11/2023 20:35

I’d be inviting them in for a nice cuppa and a sit down, and I’d be prepared to pay the £360. If you feel you have to make the point, say you thought it was a bit on the high side, but given the time lapse, you’d like to get it resolved quickly (and you found say ‘given you hadn’t mentioned it to us any time we asked, we’d assumed you didn’t want to take it further - but I’m glad you’ve cleared that up now.’)

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:37

TicTacNicNak · 20/11/2023 20:34

Just out of interest, how are the two trees that got "skinned" by your falling tree. Eighteen months on, do they still show signs of damage? Has it caused a gap in the hedge or have they grown oddly?

I had a look out the upstairs window earlier and I couldn't even tell which part of the hedge it had happened to. DH thinks he may have replaced them already. No idea

OP posts: