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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Neighbour problems (AIBU/Are THEY Being unreasonable)?

79 replies

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:04

In May last year my husband and I (with some friends helping) had to take down a tree in our front garden as it was looking like it might come down uncontrolled of its own accord. Things did not go to plan and it fell into our neighbours garden, breaking a stone birdbath and damaging 2 Leylandii forming part of their hedge. We apologised (a lot) and said we would obviously pay for any damage/replace items.

It's not really relevant but he was an arse. DH and I agreed that if the roles had been reversed, we would have at least checked if everyone was ok, then grabbed our chainsaws and helped clean up. Our neighbour came out, got angry (understandable) but stood taking photos "in case he needed them at a later date" or standing with his arms folded making nasty comments as the 5 of us cleaned up the mess we'd made. I did ask him at one point to stop saying the things he was saying.

Later that night we set up a whatsapp group with the 4 of us. DH apologised again and repeated that "we are happy to settle reasonable costs/replace and damaged items". We got an amicable response saying had the bushes been broken they would need replacing but it's just skinned some bark off 2 of them so "they'll survive for a time" (I'll be honest, the 'for a time' hadn't meant anything to me until I re-read the message this morning), and that the bird bath base is fine and they'd get a replacement top.

A couple of weeks later (I think, it was a long time ago!), I saw his wife gardening so I went out to talk to her and said we hadn't settled up regarding the bird bath. She told me not to worry about it. I think she said they had found a replacement, but I might be remembering that incorrectly. She assured me not to worry about the money.

For the last 18 months he has blanked us completely, every time we've tried to say hi. He's a bit of an odd character (public forum!! I'm being polite...) so we didn't lose sleep over it. His wife has always been perfectly lovely.

Last night, 18 months later, we received another message on the whatsapp group. He complained we never went round and had a conversation and demanded £360, providing their bank details. £80 for the bird bath (or gave us the option of buying one for them and deducting it from the total, which we would never do without knowing what they wanted) and £280 for 2 Leylandii. A quick google tells me a 5ft Leylandii costs £18 and a 7 ft Leylandii costs £45 - I'm not much of a gardener so there may be subtleties about Leylandii I'm missing but how much variation can there be!!

DH and I are livid as our understanding was that it was all resolved 18 months ago. I'm more upset because I've lived in a LOT of places and always got on with my neighbours and now we've bought what we considered to be a long term/forever home we end up with this kind of tension. DH is just really angry about the way this guy has gone about things and feels he is trying to rip us off, and that had he subsequently decided the bushes needed replacing our neighbour should have come and had a conversation. I agree with DH btw. While I don't really want to, I've said to DH I want a face to face conversation as i don't think whatsapp is helpful (unless documenting any agreement after the fact) but they have people over at the moment and I'm out tomorrow night so it will have to wait until Wednesday. I’m tempted to just let him reply to the message but I want to be the bigger person/people and feel like we’ve made an effort to clear things up properly. I am under no illusion, knowing this guys character that there is no rose-tinted outcome here.

On the one hand, how has this gone on for 18 months! My point of view is that taking all the behaviour out of the equation we did damage their property and should be willing to pay REASONABLE compensation, which in my view is NOT £360.

Am I being too soft? too hard?

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 20/11/2023 21:55

WTF! You think he's being unreasonable? Considering what you all did I can't believe you think what he's asking for is too much.

Cosywintertime · 20/11/2023 21:58

I’m absolutely stunned you both tried to take a tree down when you clearly had no idea on how to do it, you should have hired a tree surgeon. Someone could have got badly hurt.

and to say if it had been you you’d have grabbed a chain saw and cleaned up, that’s ridiculous. You put everyone at risk, caused damage, clearly shocked them, and have put them to extra work, and you’re proclaiming you’d have behaved like some saintly neighbour.

pay the money.

Orbitolld · 20/11/2023 21:59

To be fair a 5 ft Laylandii in a mature hedge can’t be replaced by a 5ft laylandii from a nursery - I’m a qualified tree surgeon (years ago). It won’t be the same difference if you see what I mean. He does sound difficult and like a bit of an arse but if you dropped a tree on his hedge and bird bath then I’d just give him £380 and leave it.

Orbitolld · 20/11/2023 22:00

hadnt seen this - if there’s no damage he’s just being an arse.

Loubelle70 · 20/11/2023 22:07

Tell your neighbour to send link to items and youll buy them and send to his house, thatll stop him over charging you xx

Cosywintertime · 20/11/2023 22:08

Loubelle70 · 20/11/2023 22:07

Tell your neighbour to send link to items and youll buy them and send to his house, thatll stop him over charging you xx

What so he has to dig up mature leylandi himself without damaging the others and dispose of them himself

You do understand the cost is also for someone to do it.

GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 22:09

Loubelle70 · 20/11/2023 22:07

Tell your neighbour to send link to items and youll buy them and send to his house, thatll stop him over charging you xx

OP also needs to pay for planting them, and for taking the damaged plants out.

StandByMode · 20/11/2023 22:21

I think you were cheap skate idiots trying to cut a tree down in the first place considering it was big enough to damage the neighbours property.

I think you're rude not to have actively tried to resolve it earlier by going round to them and I don't blame the neighbours for being annoyed with you. You sound very young and ignorant at how to handle the responsibility of maintaining a horse and garden. Fyi getting some mates round and cack handedly cutting a tree down in an unsafe manner into your neighbours garden then hoping you got away with it for 18 months - not the way to go...

StandByMode · 20/11/2023 22:24

And then you feel irked that they didn't help you clear it up? You're not wise Mrs...

Acheyknees · 20/11/2023 22:35

I think he's a bit daft to wait 18 months and then demand 360 quid after ignoring you the whole time. Yes, it was your fault but this could have been solved amicably by talking.
I absolutely would not transfer the money, I'd ask him to forward the quote for the tree repair work and receipt for the birdbath. There's no way I'd hand over 360 quid on his say so.

bostonchamps · 20/11/2023 22:38

Neodymium · 20/11/2023 20:40

to be honest I’d be annoyed too if I saw a bunch of my neighbours taking a big tree down themselves. He was probably watching through the window and could see exactly what was going to happen. There is a reason you get properly insured arborists to come in and take trees out as it’s not as simple as just going at the tree with a couple chainsaws.

you are lucky no one was hurt.

i would pay the money, and next time get professionals in.

I mean if he was watching through the window knowing what was going to happen then he probably could have stepped in and pointed it out...that would have saved all this drama.

category12 · 20/11/2023 22:40

bostonchamps · 20/11/2023 22:38

I mean if he was watching through the window knowing what was going to happen then he probably could have stepped in and pointed it out...that would have saved all this drama.

Terrific, so it's his fault now 😂😂

VeloHostage · 21/11/2023 10:06

Generally, there is never a reason not to inform neighbours when you are doing anything that may affect them. It can be the difference between a pleasant relationship, or one where the police have to be called after someone sees a stranger in their back garden who they almost attack and turns out to be a workman for a neighbour who "didn't think" to mention it.

The OP - having written a lot - still hasn't told us how they informed their neighbour in advance. Which suggests they didn't and are therefore a priori in the wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right, but a wrong is a wrong.

FrustratedMumHelp · 21/11/2023 10:12

Id pay it as a gesture of goodwill. Then avoid in future. Next time pay a professional to do the job

Cosywintertime · 21/11/2023 10:25

Honestly on re reading the op, I’m genuinely stunned by it. The op and her husband being livid, think this man is an arse as he didn’t help clean up their mess, didn’t like him being furious and saying stuff about what they had done.

fuck me , if a bunch of half wits took down a large tree next to me, were totally out of control of it,risked peoples lives, caused damage to my property , and then were rude , you’d have heard me from the next town over and I’d barely be looking at them again. I’d certainly not be lovely about it. Screw that.

the only thing this couple have done wrong is they should have dealt with the costs and remedial work quickly.

gamerchick · 21/11/2023 10:36

I wouldn't give him cash. I'd replace. He's trying it on.

LaurieStrode · 21/11/2023 11:10

Well said, @Cosywintertime

purplecorkheart · 21/11/2023 11:28

Personally I would be calling over today with the money and with an apology for the delay/misunderstanding. I would also reassure them that if anything similar job needs to be done that I will be hiring professionals and not being so stupid as to attempt to do it myself with a pack of muppets. Your DH need to cop on and be grateful in your stupidity that you did not seriously injury anyone

GreatGateauxsby · 21/11/2023 11:38

SausageAndEggSandwich · 20/11/2023 20:26

I think at this point I would just pay.

I know it's annoying and he could be a bit more generous, but you were arguably negligent in trying to take down a mature tree on the cheap. It went wrong, and the consequence is that your neighbours fell out with you and you have to pay them some money.

It could have been a lot worse.

Agree with this.

being polite / restrained….You guys were 100% at fault in the first place - what you did was pretty outrageous tbh.
I also think it was a mistake on your side to let it drag given you know the neighbour is “difficult” I’d have been looking to square it away asap and would have preemptively replaced the leylandi with like for like.

i also think £100 surcharge (or whatever it is you think they are doing you out of) is totally worth it to keep the peace / shut him up as you want to stay in the house longer term. I am actually surprised the cost of the damage is that low…
I’d pay immediately

gannett · 21/11/2023 11:46

I would be annoyed at the wife who seems like a bit of a people-pleaser, saying things like "don't worry" and "you don't need to pay" just to maintain a pleasant conversation in the moment. Obviously she hadn't agreed that with her husband.

He doesn't sound especially nice but that's not the point. It's money you should be paying (and should have insisted, overriding the people-pleasing wife) and the amount seems reasonable once you factor in labour.

Dery · 21/11/2023 12:03

“You guys were 100% at fault in the first place - what you did was pretty outrageous tbh.
I also think it was a mistake on your side to let it drag given you know the neighbour is “difficult” I’d have been looking to square it away asap and would have preemptively replaced the leylandi with like for like.

i also think £100 surcharge (or whatever it is you think they are doing you out of) is totally worth it to keep the peace / shut him up as you want to stay in the house longer term. I am actually surprised the cost of the damage is that low…
I’d pay immediately”

This. It’s pretty stunning you could imagine your neighbours are at all at fault in any of this. Chocolates and a bottle of wine were never going to be sufficient to fix this.

brokenhearted2 · 21/11/2023 12:26

This strange after such a long time but yabu if you think that you should be paying just for a couple of trees. Of course it takes professionals or at least people with experience and knowledge to do a decent job. Just as it does to remove trees. Look where it got you when you tried to do it yourself

Letsgocamping67 · 08/02/2024 07:08

Sounds reasonable as it would need a tree surgeon to get the old roots out and a mature tree will be pricey. I pay for a leylandii hedge trim once a year and that’s £220.

Reflectivegran · 08/02/2024 13:12

Describing the neighbour as an arse is irrelevant, as he probably thinks the same of you; I would, if a neighbour cut a tree down without consulting with a professional and damaged my property. What seems nothing to you, may be massive to him. Your speaking to his wife on her own may have caused problems between the two of them. Your actions have caused some damage on a plot of land you don’t own. Pay the money, learn a lesson and move on. The real arse is the person who thought the neighbour should rush round, full of concern for you all and help! Entitled beyond belief!🙄

toadinthebucket · 08/02/2024 13:33

Letsgocamping67 · 08/02/2024 07:08

Sounds reasonable as it would need a tree surgeon to get the old roots out and a mature tree will be pricey. I pay for a leylandii hedge trim once a year and that’s £220.

Pretty sure OP was having the conversation in a couple of days... so at least 2.5 months ago...