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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Neighbour problems (AIBU/Are THEY Being unreasonable)?

79 replies

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:04

In May last year my husband and I (with some friends helping) had to take down a tree in our front garden as it was looking like it might come down uncontrolled of its own accord. Things did not go to plan and it fell into our neighbours garden, breaking a stone birdbath and damaging 2 Leylandii forming part of their hedge. We apologised (a lot) and said we would obviously pay for any damage/replace items.

It's not really relevant but he was an arse. DH and I agreed that if the roles had been reversed, we would have at least checked if everyone was ok, then grabbed our chainsaws and helped clean up. Our neighbour came out, got angry (understandable) but stood taking photos "in case he needed them at a later date" or standing with his arms folded making nasty comments as the 5 of us cleaned up the mess we'd made. I did ask him at one point to stop saying the things he was saying.

Later that night we set up a whatsapp group with the 4 of us. DH apologised again and repeated that "we are happy to settle reasonable costs/replace and damaged items". We got an amicable response saying had the bushes been broken they would need replacing but it's just skinned some bark off 2 of them so "they'll survive for a time" (I'll be honest, the 'for a time' hadn't meant anything to me until I re-read the message this morning), and that the bird bath base is fine and they'd get a replacement top.

A couple of weeks later (I think, it was a long time ago!), I saw his wife gardening so I went out to talk to her and said we hadn't settled up regarding the bird bath. She told me not to worry about it. I think she said they had found a replacement, but I might be remembering that incorrectly. She assured me not to worry about the money.

For the last 18 months he has blanked us completely, every time we've tried to say hi. He's a bit of an odd character (public forum!! I'm being polite...) so we didn't lose sleep over it. His wife has always been perfectly lovely.

Last night, 18 months later, we received another message on the whatsapp group. He complained we never went round and had a conversation and demanded £360, providing their bank details. £80 for the bird bath (or gave us the option of buying one for them and deducting it from the total, which we would never do without knowing what they wanted) and £280 for 2 Leylandii. A quick google tells me a 5ft Leylandii costs £18 and a 7 ft Leylandii costs £45 - I'm not much of a gardener so there may be subtleties about Leylandii I'm missing but how much variation can there be!!

DH and I are livid as our understanding was that it was all resolved 18 months ago. I'm more upset because I've lived in a LOT of places and always got on with my neighbours and now we've bought what we considered to be a long term/forever home we end up with this kind of tension. DH is just really angry about the way this guy has gone about things and feels he is trying to rip us off, and that had he subsequently decided the bushes needed replacing our neighbour should have come and had a conversation. I agree with DH btw. While I don't really want to, I've said to DH I want a face to face conversation as i don't think whatsapp is helpful (unless documenting any agreement after the fact) but they have people over at the moment and I'm out tomorrow night so it will have to wait until Wednesday. I’m tempted to just let him reply to the message but I want to be the bigger person/people and feel like we’ve made an effort to clear things up properly. I am under no illusion, knowing this guys character that there is no rose-tinted outcome here.

On the one hand, how has this gone on for 18 months! My point of view is that taking all the behaviour out of the equation we did damage their property and should be willing to pay REASONABLE compensation, which in my view is NOT £360.

Am I being too soft? too hard?

OP posts:
Santaiswashinghissleigh · 20/11/2023 20:37

Pay a gardener to make it good.. Don't hand him cash. Imo he won't get anything replaced with it.

SwedishSchnauzer · 20/11/2023 20:40

A days Labour digging up old Leylandii and planting new ones, plus plants plus bird bath

LaurieStrode · 20/11/2023 20:40

GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 20:34

So you've admitted that you know nothing about gardening. You got a few mates together to take a tree down, which obviously needed to be done professionally. And now you're criticising your neighbour because you damaged their trees, which now need replacing?!

Yeah, this. You seem unrepentant. I'd be enraged if a bunch of amateurs crashed a tree into my garden.

Neodymium · 20/11/2023 20:40

to be honest I’d be annoyed too if I saw a bunch of my neighbours taking a big tree down themselves. He was probably watching through the window and could see exactly what was going to happen. There is a reason you get properly insured arborists to come in and take trees out as it’s not as simple as just going at the tree with a couple chainsaws.

you are lucky no one was hurt.

i would pay the money, and next time get professionals in.

Cumbrianlife · 20/11/2023 20:42

I'd be pissed off it happened in the first place because you were too cheap to employ a professional. Two mature trees, a bird bath and a gardener for a day still feels like you're getting off pretty lightly.

category12 · 20/11/2023 20:44

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:30

Yes, we will definitely be making the point that we thought it was all resolved. I'm sure he won't believe it after 18 months of resentment but we are not that kind of couple.

Honestly, don't attempt to point-score.

You were in the wrong,
you could have done more to put it right sooner with him.

Just apologise again and pay.

eurochick · 20/11/2023 20:47

What the hell were you thinking? You could have killed someone! I'm not adverse to a bit of chainsawing myself but this sounds really badly done.

Your neighbours were probably in shock at first and later livid. Pay up and get a tree surgeon in in future.

GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 20:48

I forgot to say, YABvU. You caused this. How big was your tree, if it needed FIVE of you to attempt to cut it down, and it still went wrong?! And then you criticise your neighbour for not reacting as you would have - just as well, as your reaction would have been to "grab" a couple of chainsaws... What could possibly have gone wrong.

He told you back then you had damaged his plants. You caused this, you pay.

Tontostitis · 20/11/2023 20:50

You should never gave tried to take a tree down yourself. You've messed up big time and he now needs to dig out and replace two trees because of your rank stupidity. You're lucky no one was hurt and should pay him.

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:52

Thank you all for your perspectives and information on Leylandii. It's really helped take the emotion out of it.

OP posts:
ShufflingHedgehogs · 20/11/2023 20:54

The problem with pricing trees by height is that it is often a thin main whip that determines the height.

But a hedge doesn't need height, it needs fullness. So you are looking at a much older tree, even if you then cut the height back considerably.

So £140 per tree, for a tree that is over 5 years old. Maybe even up to 10 years old. Include removal of the old one.

Genuinely sounds about right.

Whether he ever actually uses the money for that is another matter.

GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 20:54

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:21

I'm not being arsey, I am genuinely asking. Why would you need qualifications to plant a 5 ft (I think it is) conifer?

Same reason you need qualifications to cut a large tree down

SarahAndQuack · 20/11/2023 21:07

GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 20:54

Same reason you need qualifications to cut a large tree down

Exactly.

Also agree with the PP that your belief that you and your husband rushing out with chainsaws would be helpful is ... out there.

If this isn't a reverse/ a pisstake, then you are being awful neighbours.

GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 21:10

ShufflingHedgehogs · 20/11/2023 20:54

The problem with pricing trees by height is that it is often a thin main whip that determines the height.

But a hedge doesn't need height, it needs fullness. So you are looking at a much older tree, even if you then cut the height back considerably.

So £140 per tree, for a tree that is over 5 years old. Maybe even up to 10 years old. Include removal of the old one.

Genuinely sounds about right.

Whether he ever actually uses the money for that is another matter.

Very good, knowledgeable point. And the root balls need careful bedding in, and looking after.

GrumpyPanda · 20/11/2023 21:24

AbondonedThemePark · 20/11/2023 20:26

If they're going to plant new leylandii they'll have to remove the old, so that's what will cost.

If he's an arse then be prepared to give him the money and see no new trees. Or watch as he removes the old ones himself and plants £15 ones.

A very reasonable solution to that problem would be to ask for receipts before paying. Neighbour should have sent them in any case.

Chalkdowns · 20/11/2023 21:27

That’s quite a big disaster to fell a tree into someone else’s garden, break their bird bath and damage their trees. It’s lucky it’s not costing you more! And I agree with a previous poster that you should both have gone round proactively and asked what the damage was and the cost at the time.

Pay up and be glad the whole thing wasn’t much more serious!

TheOccupier · 20/11/2023 21:33

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:26

Same here. I've tried to get into gardening but I just don't have that gene.

Yet you thought you could safely take down a whole mature tree with the help of your DH and a couple of mates? You were total idiots and are lucky you didn't cause more damage, or a serious injury to someone. Why didn't you call a tree surgeon?

Pay the neighbours and think of it as a stupidity tax.

Whenwasthis · 20/11/2023 21:38

Taking down trees with some friends wasn't the best idea. Your lucky something worse didn't happen abd that nobody got hurt.

It's often much better to call in someone who knows what they're doing / professionals.
Yes they exist and they also exist for planting them too, which you seem reluctant to recognise, again thinking that should also be done on the cheap by an amateur. I see why your neighbour is annoyed.

Theunamedcat · 20/11/2023 21:40

So has he actually had the work done? Because if there is nothing wrong with the hedging he will just be pocketing the money and yes you were idiots but doesn't mean you should be robbed because of it

Overthinking22 · 20/11/2023 21:45

I missed the bit where you went over with a bottle of wine/flowers to apologise.

Sorry but as much of an arse as he is you trashed his garden. I think whilst you've forgotten about it, possibly the lack of effort to rectify has been stewing with him for 18 months. Own it now and move on.

GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 21:49

Overthinking22 · 20/11/2023 21:45

I missed the bit where you went over with a bottle of wine/flowers to apologise.

Sorry but as much of an arse as he is you trashed his garden. I think whilst you've forgotten about it, possibly the lack of effort to rectify has been stewing with him for 18 months. Own it now and move on.

Not only did the OP not do anything decent to apologise, they even criticised him amongst themselves because he didn't react as they thought he should! To their tree crashing down into his garden!

Tinkerbyebye · 20/11/2023 21:49

I would go back say you are confused as you spoke to the wife who said but to worry about the bird bath and that leylandi cost £40 max. Could he provide a note for the trees?

then when he returns you have something

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2023 21:52

NoKids2 · 20/11/2023 20:26

Same here. I've tried to get into gardening but I just don't have that gene.

Which is why I wonder what possessed you to take the tree down on your own. It's a specialised job

Please tell me it didn't have a TPO on it?

Ponderingwindow · 20/11/2023 21:53

Removing and planting a new tree of decent size is hard labor. It is not just the cost of the tree itself that needs to be included.

you can ask to see a copy of the quote for the tree replacement and for the birdbath, but the price seems perfectly reasonable.

Not everyone is physically capable of certain diy even if it isn’t skilled. Not everyone should be doing certain projects because they require either specialty skills or specialty equipment to be done safely.

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2023 21:53

TicTacNicNak · 20/11/2023 20:34

Just out of interest, how are the two trees that got "skinned" by your falling tree. Eighteen months on, do they still show signs of damage? Has it caused a gap in the hedge or have they grown oddly?

They won't have recovered

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