I’m going to end up alone

[Sadtruthh]

Well, I’m already alone. 39. Never been married, no kids. Desperately want my own family. Been dating for years. I never struggle to get dates or men interested but I cannot meet a semi decent man. So many want something casual and will lie. So many have hang ups. I’m not even that fussy. I feel like it’s coming to an end now and I am so sad about it, I’ve cried every day for weeks. I used to be so hopeful, now I’m just so lonely and appalled by how my life has turned out.

Thank you all for your kind replies and words of encouragement

I can’t imagine having a baby on my own
I have an intense full time job
I can just about making it through the week
on my own
how would I cope?

I'm sorry, OP. I do hope things look up for you.

@Sadtruthh part of it is getting to a point where you feel you would cope, if this is what you want to do. Or realising it's not for you alone. I got to realising it wasn't for me alone and embraced the alternative then stepped in. But things I was planning was to downsize so I would be in a smaller house in a cheaper area so I had very limited mortgage, then save really hard for a couple of years. So I still had the option in the future. This would have meant the ability to go back part time and make my life not all about work. If you don't really have strong ties then beauty is you can go where you want. But first I had to do the counselling so I didn't feel broken and sad and stuck all the time.

@Sadtruthh perhaps you should see a counsellor or life coach to help you chart some kind of path forward.

solo baby: y/n

if y: then start mentally mapping your support network, funds, family help available, whether there’s a crèche nearby, fertility tests, etc.

I think working’s actually easier pre-school, because you can put the little one into nursery 8am - 6pm at a push.

if n: how are you going to change your life to make it happy / purposeful / bearable / sustainable?

It is very hard to be a solo parent from Day 0, and my experience as the single mother of an only child is that it feels less like a family, and more of a relationship - and sometimes a suffocating one (and I get quite a lot of help).

Bon courage x

@Sadtruthh I think it's the realisation that you won't have the life you thought you would. If you don't want a child by donor (and its not for everyone, it wasn't for me) then you have to come to terms with that as well.

As I said earlier I resent my ex for taking my 20s and 30s from me, he was abusive and by the time we split I didn't recognise myself. I was never some meek woman who would shrink into the background, but he literally knocked all my spirit out of me. It took me a good few years to rebuild myself. I'm now at the grand old age of 46, with my spirit again, people who love me for me, and know that I won't have the family I wanted (I had dreams of summer parties/bbqs with the children running around) but I've come to terms with that.

I get the holiday on your own but you'd be surprised how many people do go away on their own. Sign up to do some tours and you won't be on your own for long.