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Original poster

Advice please?

50 replies

Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 11:38

My partner has never lied to me and until yesterday I trusted him completely.

He was invited to a seminar in March, two weeks at a hotel in a nearby town. I know about the seminar and from the moment he mentioned it, due to him being VERY vague, somethng triggered me and I just dont believe he's going there - it's making me feel sick!

Now as some background he is normally really explanatory as a person, if he goes on a work night out he explains everything, from who first suggested it to every email ever receieved on it.

How do i mention to him that I'm concerned - I dont wish to start an argument?

I've looked up dates for this seminar and cannot see this date and it's never held at this venue either....what can i do??

HELP!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 11:46

any advice welcome.....I know most of you will say, since he's not done anything before why distrust him - but on this occasion I do.

OP posts:
beaniesteve · 11/03/2008 11:48

phone the venue, pretend you need info about parking at the hotel, say you are phoning on behalf of your partner and tell them when you are coming ... see what they say.

Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 11:49

They know nothing about it.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 11:50

I already phoned them and they don't have a function on that day.

OP posts:
poshwellies · 11/03/2008 11:51

Have a talk with him..can't see any other way around it,just be honest-all you can do.

wannaBe · 11/03/2008 11:51

other than this seminar, have you reason to suspect anything is going on? has his behavior changed in any way? has he been more secretive? receiving more phone calls/texts than usual?

If he's having an affair to the extent he's going off for a two week jaunt then it will have been going on for a time surely, so there must be something that points to it, iyswim?

beaniesteve · 11/03/2008 11:53

Ask him about it again. Make sure you have the Hotel venue correct.

I don't know what you can say now without revealing to him that you have been checking up on him

Could you suggest to him that you will miss him and as it's not so far away you would like to come and see him for a day or night during the 2 weeks?

Do you live together?
Is there any possibility that he would be taking a holiday without you?

Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 11:53

No nothing, if anything, he recieved a message from his PA at New Year sayin 'Happy 2008, love you' but he replied immediately and said that he didnt appreciate texts like that and she should delete his number.

No weekends away. He doesnt hide his phone - but I know that this event doesnt exist.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 11:55

Sorry, just read my message again, I was saying it was two weeks away from now, not two weeks long. Just one night long.

We do live together yes.

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beaniesteve · 11/03/2008 11:56

Ah - right - sorry. One night.

I think you need to say someting but I don't know how you can without starting an argument. Also, sadly, if you confront him he will probably have a cover story if it is anything weird.

Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 11:58

I know - I'm thinking I ought to leave it and then ask more details nearer the time. I dont want him to think I dont trust him because I do normally 100% just not on this occasion. I feel sick to the stomach at the thought of him lying...

OP posts:
wannaBe · 11/03/2008 12:00

well, he's obviously lying, so imo you have three options:

  1. you confront him, telling him that you know that he's lied to you as you've checked and there is no conference, but in doing that you run the risk that he will get angry that you do not trust him, and if there is going on he will be more careful in future.
  1. you go looking for evidence before confronting him. check his mobile/email/go and have a look in his car/laptop case (if he has a laptop) to see if he maybe has another phone you don't know about, and when you have more conclusive proof you confront him with it.
  1. you ignore it and hope it'll go away.
TimeForMe · 11/03/2008 12:00

Tell him that you have decided to meet him at the venue and spend the night with him at the hotel

Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 12:02

I think i'm going to see if anything comes of it yet. I started thinking maybe HE has the details wrong and if i confront him and he says 'oh damn did i say abc hotel, i meant def hotel' and i check def hotel and they do have a function - i've ruined everything.

I may throw a sicky on the day and see how he reacts....I could say i may join him for a trip out....

OP posts:
WiiMii · 11/03/2008 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 12:07

WiiMii

He has pictures of me in his office, i've met her. He even said if i wasnt happy with his text to her i could confront her myself.

I just dont know.

We're engaged and she knows that - she booked our recent holiday for us - would she not question why he was doing all this with me if he was seeing her?

OP posts:
solo · 11/03/2008 12:08

I'd say to him 'is there something you want to tell me?' The only thing is, you have to be prepared for the possible answer.
You could tell him that you've managed to get the kids looked after for a night or two and that you are going to surprise him one night, but that you aren't going to tell which one, so that you can have a fun night together, no kids etc...see what he says.
You do though need to go with your gut even if you decide not to do anything about it.
Hope it's just your imagination though, it's not nice to get that gut feeling about something like that. All the best to you.

Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 12:08

He allows me to answer his phone when it beeps or rings....would he do that if there was a chance she could text?

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Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 12:09

Solo

Its an awful feeling. I feel physically sick.

No kids, so unable to use that one.

:-(

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CountessDracula · 11/03/2008 12:10

I would check the details with him before he goes - tell him you need to know which hotel in case of emergencies.

Then check if he is there.

If you confront him now he will lie if he is guilty and be pissed off if he is not.

I would be suspicious based on txt from PA tbh. You can't tell your PA to delete your mobile no from their phone ffs!

WiiMii · 11/03/2008 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 12:13

But he didnt have her number in his phone - he had to text initially to say 'whos this?' - when she text back saying it was her, I wasn't there. He came upstairs to tell me it was her and he was going to put her right. I know she's a bit of a lose canon anyway....she had a flight some months ago with another guy....who we know.

If i confront him now and my suspicions are confirmed, he'll cancel and i'll never know. I need to do it nearer the time If i seriously want to know the truth. If he's cheating - we are through.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 12:14

WiiMii its a very odd text - i certainly dont get them from my boss.

But because he's normally 100% trustworthy, I just cannot get my head around it.

OP posts:
WiiMii · 11/03/2008 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lou1982 · 11/03/2008 12:18

It's driving me mad and to think i may have to wait to bring it up but in the meantime everything is so great at home.

I dont know about the surprise - I doubt it...

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