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Original poster

Fuming with dp

92 replies

Laneyya93 · 07/11/2023 23:55

Need to vent as I am sitting here absolutely fuming!

we went to bed around 2 hours ago. Dp was on his phone going through social media and then playing a game. I asked if I could turn off the light but he wasn’t ready yet. He eventually turned the light off but stayed on his phone tapping away playing a game. I was getting irritable as it had been about 2 hours and every time I dozed off it was disturbing me.

he just got ready to sleep, turned me around to pull me close and spoon (that’s how we usually hug to sleep). I just told him that I didn’t want to face that way, as I have a blocked nose on that side I wanted to hug facing the other direction. He was kind of giggling in a funny mood but I was irritated by this stage. I gave up and just stayed facing the side he pulled me to as he hugged me from behind.

he then made a comment along the lines that ‘I should be greatful as there’s loads of other girls he could be cuddling’. Now in his defence he must have thought this was a funny joke, he says petty things like that all the time. I replied by telling him that plenty of guys would like to hug me too. He then proceeded to tell me how no one would ever settle with me. That men would only want to have sex with me and would never settle down with me as I have children. This infuriated me and I tried to tell him how he’s wrong and it turned into some big debate.

I told him there’s plenty of step dads in the world. When you walk outside you see step dads all the time, men and women in relationship with partners who have children previously etc. I even told him that if his mum was able to find someone multiple times then I’m sure I could! All this time he’s cutting me off telling me it’s not possible no man will settle with me as I have kids.

it then turned serious as I got really annoyed and I got out of bed and he calls me fat, tells me I have a ‘spotty face’ (I struggle with my acne), insults my teeth and my nose… I then started crying because I just don’t understand how this whole situation came about. All I wanted to do was sleep! He then practically mimics me as I’m crying.

I’ve left the room, on the couch absolutely fuming and he’s gone to sleep in the room!

OP posts:
Hilarieh · 08/11/2023 00:00

How fucking dare he?! Is he usually gratuitously cruel?

SeulementUneFois · 08/11/2023 00:02

Ok he's a piece of shit.
I've argued with my DP plenty of times, sometimes it was very painful, but never did he say such horrible things to me.
And I'm no oil painting/ have the most desirable features for a woman.

Blueeyedmale · 08/11/2023 00:06

That's absolutely vile I'm so sorry OP that's unforgivable, you can do so much better than that what a disgusting human being

Deathbyfluffy · 08/11/2023 00:07

That’s absolutely awful - I’m a man with a less than perfect personality, but I’d never even dream of saying those things.

I can’t wrap my head around this at all, you need to dump him, get out there and do better.

Toohot2handle · 08/11/2023 00:07

Sorry to say but he sounds awful. How disrespectful to speak to you that way putting you down. Maybe he actually got jealous because he knows you’re right and thought he’d try to make you feel bad. My toxic ex said the same thing that nobody would want me when we broke up. I was a single mum and now I’m married with 2 more children and my husband takes my eldest autistic son (his stepson) on trips to Blackpool to ride on the trams as that’s what my son loves to do. There are good men out there who are happy to be amazing step dads and won’t put you down x

Darkflame · 08/11/2023 00:08

WTF?! That has massively escalated. Firstly, if he wasn't tired why was he in bed?
Also why the horrid and unnecessary comments to you? That sounds pretty abusive.
Has anything like this happened before?

RubyWinehouse · 08/11/2023 00:09

What a nasty bastard! Hope you're OK love? Chuck him out and change the locks x

WearyAuldWumman · 08/11/2023 00:09

OP, I'm sorry that your DP was so horrible to you.

My late husband went through a phase like that...but it was after he was recovering from a stroke which hit his frontal lobe. Thankfully, he improved a lot and later apologised when he realised how he'd treated me.

foxlover47 · 08/11/2023 00:10

Hugs x he needs to be your ex ! How dare he say all that.
You tell him it's a privilege that you even allowed him into your family life then tell him you're done , to jog on and wait till your emotionally healed and ready to find the man that wouldn't dream of saying anything like that and will be honoured to be part of your family unit.

Original poster
Laneyya93 · 08/11/2023 00:12

I am so angry that I don’t want to sleep anymore.

I cannot comprehend the need to call me such names and insult me physically? I’d never insult anyone’s appearance it’s just unnecessary.

im very triggered right now and I’m already extremely insecure about myself.

I know there are men in the world that would take on a single mum and her child, as I have seen it. We see step parents all the time. However his comments have really put me down. Not that I’d have any intention of being with another man though.

OP posts:
capabilityfrowns · 08/11/2023 00:12

Call his bluff . Tell him to fuck off and go find the oodles of women lining to to cuddle his horrible arse because being a prick isn't attractive.

TwinkleStarrr · 08/11/2023 00:13

Absolutely unacceptable, sorry you had to go through this.

porridgeisbae · 08/11/2023 00:13

Please bin him OP, he takes you for granted and is abusive.

Pixiedust1234 · 08/11/2023 00:14

I'm guessing you normally let him do what he wants because it's not that important usually but tonight it was important enough because you wanted to sleep. He didn't like you standing up for yourself so he hit back, hard.

I'm sorry OP. He's one of those men who get very nasty if you disagree with them and unfortunately he will never change. It sounds like it might be time to let him find all these other women so you can be free.

Pallisers · 08/11/2023 00:14

horrible.

You'd be amazed OP how lovely life might be without any man in it.

Original poster
Laneyya93 · 08/11/2023 00:15

I should add, I’m only 55kg - to call me fat??

yes my skin is a problem and a huge insecurity of mine - most likely why he picked it out.

to comment on other physical features of mine though… to be able to pick those faults out he must have already thought they were an issue right?

OP posts:
CSB10 · 08/11/2023 00:16

LTB

crumblingschools · 08/11/2023 00:17

Do you usually do as he wants?

pastypirate · 08/11/2023 00:18

This reminds me so much of an ex. Is he in the roofing trace by any chance?

Please just get rid of him he's disgusting.

Greenoh · 08/11/2023 00:24

Hang on a minute. Does he not have children too?
He’s well out of order for everything he did and said. My husband would advise you not to get mad but to get even.
Go back upstairs and disturb his sleep. Wrap the duvet round you and have a good night’s sleep.
Don’t give headspace to his cruel comments. Challenge him by reminding him that he chose and chooses to stay with you.
He behaved in a pathetic and childish way. Giggling? How puerile. Personal comments when he doesn’t get his own way? He needs to grow up.
Pay no heed.

hoobanoobie · 08/11/2023 00:25

Sorry to say, I'd have fucking thumped him. He tore into you at a level that was extremely fucking unnecessary. Sounds like he showed his true colours. Kick him out of your bed. Don not let him back in until he's had a good long time to think and then see if he can offer an honest apology. He can sleep on the sofa or elsewhere. He doesn't respect the boundaries of a shared bed or how he should talk to you. He pays the penalty.
He pulled this bullshit, not you. You need to make it extremely clear that this is not how it works, he doesn't get to belittle you for no reason after behaving badly to boot. Not happening. He gets a grip or he's out.
Flowers for you OP. I'll never understand how men can turn on a coin and pull shit like this, for no definable reason.

porridgeisbae · 08/11/2023 00:27

to comment on other physical features of mine though… to be able to pick those faults out he must have already thought they were an issue right?

No, please try not to take it on board. It was probably a scattergun approach of trying to fire out as many random insults as possible to upset you. x

Blueeyedmale · 08/11/2023 00:28

OP 55kg is very slim and in no way fat, please don't listen to him, and yes there are men that would be in a relationship with a single mum, he's said hurtful things beacuse he's a nasty vile person, the reason he said those things beacuse deep down he knows what he is, and knows there are men out there who will treat you with the love kindness and respect you deserve.

Ditch him you can do better don't let this tosser destroy your self esteem and confidence

Original poster
Laneyya93 · 08/11/2023 00:28

He obviously resorted to name calling and insulting my appearance when he realised I was giving it back and he wanted to ‘win’.

I usually ignore his petty comments that he finds ‘funny’. I guess being tired made me irritable and snappy so I just fired back at him and tried to let him know that he’s wrong…

OP posts:
Greenoh · 08/11/2023 00:46

He obviously resorted to name calling and insulting my appearance when he realised I was giving it back and he wanted to ‘win’.

Absolutely. He put you down to big himself up.
Don’t give reasons for your responses: he knew you were tired and unwell. You were justified whilst he was a selfish prat.
55kg? He’s off his chump.
He made comments about your skin and your nose? You clearly touched a nerve that he made such personal remarks about features which bother you. I’d say that’s a win for you.