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Original poster

Fuming with dp

92 replies

Laneyya93 · 07/11/2023 23:55

Need to vent as I am sitting here absolutely fuming!

we went to bed around 2 hours ago. Dp was on his phone going through social media and then playing a game. I asked if I could turn off the light but he wasn’t ready yet. He eventually turned the light off but stayed on his phone tapping away playing a game. I was getting irritable as it had been about 2 hours and every time I dozed off it was disturbing me.

he just got ready to sleep, turned me around to pull me close and spoon (that’s how we usually hug to sleep). I just told him that I didn’t want to face that way, as I have a blocked nose on that side I wanted to hug facing the other direction. He was kind of giggling in a funny mood but I was irritated by this stage. I gave up and just stayed facing the side he pulled me to as he hugged me from behind.

he then made a comment along the lines that ‘I should be greatful as there’s loads of other girls he could be cuddling’. Now in his defence he must have thought this was a funny joke, he says petty things like that all the time. I replied by telling him that plenty of guys would like to hug me too. He then proceeded to tell me how no one would ever settle with me. That men would only want to have sex with me and would never settle down with me as I have children. This infuriated me and I tried to tell him how he’s wrong and it turned into some big debate.

I told him there’s plenty of step dads in the world. When you walk outside you see step dads all the time, men and women in relationship with partners who have children previously etc. I even told him that if his mum was able to find someone multiple times then I’m sure I could! All this time he’s cutting me off telling me it’s not possible no man will settle with me as I have kids.

it then turned serious as I got really annoyed and I got out of bed and he calls me fat, tells me I have a ‘spotty face’ (I struggle with my acne), insults my teeth and my nose… I then started crying because I just don’t understand how this whole situation came about. All I wanted to do was sleep! He then practically mimics me as I’m crying.

I’ve left the room, on the couch absolutely fuming and he’s gone to sleep in the room!

OP posts:
Devilrocknroller · 08/11/2023 01:21

He felt insecure when you gave it back and said other men would want to hug you too - so he decided to do whatever he could to beat down your confidence, to change your view and make you think no one else would ever love you except him - because he knows you could leave and is terrified you will. And given his behaviour here, I think your best move for you and your happiness would be to get away from this awful man

RantyAnty · 08/11/2023 02:54

Tell him to pack his bag and gtfo.

He's abusive and cruel.

Aria999 · 08/11/2023 02:56

Anyone who can treat you with such disrespect is not suitable partner material.

Even if you didn't find someone else you would be better of single.

Also, you are really slim.

LTB.

coxesorangepippin · 08/11/2023 03:08

He needs to leave

Autiebibliophile · 08/11/2023 03:17

What a horrible person. Aim higher op.

junbean · 08/11/2023 03:39

That's just awful. How could he treat the mother of his children that way. He must be extremely insecure to insult your appearance. My ex would do that. I told him when I was younger I thought my nose was massive, but as an adult I realized it's not as big as I imagined, or as ugly as I thought. It's not small, and I wasn't being vain, I just meant I had gotten over that insecurity. And you know what he said? Something along the lines of "Well actually it is pretty huge." I mean WTF! He also made fun of my long toes, like he actually laughed out loud for a good couple minutes. It really set me back and amongst other things he said/did really killed my confidence. I haven't been with another man since because of it. Now I realize it came from his insecurities and low self esteem. A real loser! Any man that puts down a woman- especially the mother of his children is the some of the lowest of the low. Especially trying to devalue us because we are mothers, or over our appearance. Women carry the burdens of the world and men should support us any way they can. Any man that doesn't do that isn't worth our time. I bet you are gorgeous and he knows he's a shithead and you can do better.

ZekeZeke · 08/11/2023 05:18

What are the living arrangements op?
Is he just staying over or do you live together?

LaDerniereVacheFolle · 08/11/2023 05:28

OP he's scum.

I had terrible arguments with my ex of nearly 20 years ... so bad I ended up asking for a divorce but not once did he ever get that low and cruel with me.

Run for the fucking hills.

SBHon · 08/11/2023 05:28

Why do you put up with so much shit?
• Petty unfunny comments
• Stopping you from sleeping
• Choosing what position you sleep in
• Arguing for the sake of arguing
• Stubborness
• Putting you down
• Outright insults

He puts himself first and you last and you’re allowing it. You do realise you deserve to have a nice life? This isn’t it.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 08/11/2023 05:30

Laneyya93 · 08/11/2023 00:28

He obviously resorted to name calling and insulting my appearance when he realised I was giving it back and he wanted to ‘win’.

I usually ignore his petty comments that he finds ‘funny’. I guess being tired made me irritable and snappy so I just fired back at him and tried to let him know that he’s wrong…

WHY are you ignoring his horrible comments and staying with him??

LoudSnoringDog · 08/11/2023 05:35

He’s a piece of shit. Nasty insecure man.

Jewelspun · 08/11/2023 05:39

Everything he said was calculated carefully to take aim at what he knows are your perceived 'weak' spots - your skin, figure etc as he knows you will crumble and cry and therefore backdown from arguing further.

That's a dastardly thing to do to anyone but to do it to his own wife is beyond callous and cruel.

As for him laying in bed like a useless lump playing a game on his phone like a 13 year old, that's utterly pathetic and immature.

What he is done is chip away at you and it will only get worse and you end up believing his nasty out downs and that no one will want you.

You have to be strong now and realise that his insults stem from his insecurity and his making you feel insecure will make you feel you have to hold on to him.

He's a loser, a nasty loser and a spiteful and manipulative creature.

He's not a good husband and is a poor role model for your children. He's not even a decent human being.

It's up to you but I would divorce as you will end up a complete nervous wreck if you don't.

Jewelspun · 08/11/2023 05:41

As for your skin, there are solutions out there. Benzoyl peroxide for example.

Your skin can heal, meanwhile he'll always be a complete cunt.

Newnamehiwhodis · 08/11/2023 05:54

He’s Disgusting. Getting rid of him, the stress will go, and your skin will clear up.
but even if it doesn’t - you’ll be happier without this creep taking you for granted.

please please do not forgive him. I can’t believe women put up with this shit?! Do not let him get away with this. He doesn’t deserve you or the kids.

GreyCarpet · 08/11/2023 07:16

Men use "you're fat" as their go to insult because they think it's the worst thing they can say to a woman. Many years ago I had an ex who would tell me I was fat when I had a BMI of around 19 🤷🏻‍♀️ He was just immature, insecure and pathetic.

Calling you fat, telling you no one else will want you and criticising your physical features are all the moves of a weak and insecure man. I mean, what would it say about him that he has chosen to be with (and continues to make the choice to be with) someone he thinks so little of?

So ignore the content of his words but the nature of them is important. If someone spoke to me like that, I'd tell him to go and find those women and leave me alone tbh.

MsRosley · 08/11/2023 07:30

I'd be tempted to tell him he's got a small cock.

AnImaginaryCat · 08/11/2023 08:06

From what you wrote we can only interpret that in this relationship he calls all the shops and you submit. (Seeing it was two hours of you wanting to go to sleep and him knowingly doing something that kept you awake.) The relationship is kept this way by his constant preying on your insecurities to keep you down and beholdant with gratitude that he is with you despite them.

He's not a man you need to be grateful for.

You are not as unlovable or unwantable as he makes you feel.

Use the anger you feel. Be brave. Leave him.

Aikko · 08/11/2023 08:14

AnImaginaryCat · 08/11/2023 08:06

From what you wrote we can only interpret that in this relationship he calls all the shops and you submit. (Seeing it was two hours of you wanting to go to sleep and him knowingly doing something that kept you awake.) The relationship is kept this way by his constant preying on your insecurities to keep you down and beholdant with gratitude that he is with you despite them.

He's not a man you need to be grateful for.

You are not as unlovable or unwantable as he makes you feel.

Use the anger you feel. Be brave. Leave him.

This.

This man will not be good for you in the long run.

mamamarshmallow · 08/11/2023 08:25

LTB- it will only get worse. Especially now that you've 'retaliated', iv been there. But before you leave set up a OLD profile each & see who gets more attention. That will bring his petty disgusting behaviour down a peg

Masterofhappydays · 08/11/2023 08:45

Why did you settle for him? That should be the real question.

You sound like you could do so much better. What a jerk and I’m sorry he’s made you feel like how you’re feeling. Totally unfair.

Hibiscrubbed · 08/11/2023 08:47

He’s a total cunt.

Whose house is it?

LaDerniereVacheFolle · 08/11/2023 08:56

mamamarshmallow · 08/11/2023 08:25

LTB- it will only get worse. Especially now that you've 'retaliated', iv been there. But before you leave set up a OLD profile each & see who gets more attention. That will bring his petty disgusting behaviour down a peg

I like the OLD idea. Give him a bit of a reality check.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/11/2023 09:31

What AnImaginaryCat wrote. Please take heed.

What are the living arrangements here?.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

This man now needs to become your ex partner. Its over and there is no going back from his words that were absolutely designed to hurt you. This is abusive behaviour from him towards you and designed to hurt, no two ways about it. He is no decent example of a man to your children either.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Abusive men can sometimes find target single mothers attractive to target because in their head they think they are so desperate for male company that they'd put up with any old shit. Your boundaries here, perhaps already skewed by previous poor relationships, are being further done in by this individual now.

Coyoacan · 08/11/2023 10:20

My ex used to use my Achilles heel against me, whereas decent humans try to help their loved ones get over their fears

Bookworm20 · 08/11/2023 12:40

Devilrocknroller · 08/11/2023 01:21

He felt insecure when you gave it back and said other men would want to hug you too - so he decided to do whatever he could to beat down your confidence, to change your view and make you think no one else would ever love you except him - because he knows you could leave and is terrified you will. And given his behaviour here, I think your best move for you and your happiness would be to get away from this awful man

This.

He was insulting you to ensure you felt sufficiently bad about yourself so as to make you think he was right and no one would want you. And to include the one thing he knows you feel insecure about is just fucking horrendous.
What a vile, vile excuse of a man.

OP, as hard as it is, please ignore those insults. They are the words of an extremely vile person and so hold no weight whatsoever.

He didn't get what he wanted. So his reaction was to ridicule and embarrass and insult you.
Why exactly are you with him?