Fuming with dp

[Laneyya93]

Need to vent as I am sitting here absolutely fuming!

we went to bed around 2 hours ago. Dp was on his phone going through social media and then playing a game. I asked if I could turn off the light but he wasn’t ready yet. He eventually turned the light off but stayed on his phone tapping away playing a game. I was getting irritable as it had been about 2 hours and every time I dozed off it was disturbing me.

he just got ready to sleep, turned me around to pull me close and spoon (that’s how we usually hug to sleep). I just told him that I didn’t want to face that way, as I have a blocked nose on that side I wanted to hug facing the other direction. He was kind of giggling in a funny mood but I was irritated by this stage. I gave up and just stayed facing the side he pulled me to as he hugged me from behind.

he then made a comment along the lines that ‘I should be greatful as there’s loads of other girls he could be cuddling’. Now in his defence he must have thought this was a funny joke, he says petty things like that all the time. I replied by telling him that plenty of guys would like to hug me too. He then proceeded to tell me how no one would ever settle with me. That men would only want to have sex with me and would never settle down with me as I have children. This infuriated me and I tried to tell him how he’s wrong and it turned into some big debate.

I told him there’s plenty of step dads in the world. When you walk outside you see step dads all the time, men and women in relationship with partners who have children previously etc. I even told him that if his mum was able to find someone multiple times then I’m sure I could! All this time he’s cutting me off telling me it’s not possible no man will settle with me as I have kids.

it then turned serious as I got really annoyed and I got out of bed and he calls me fat, tells me I have a ‘spotty face’ (I struggle with my acne), insults my teeth and my nose… I then started crying because I just don’t understand how this whole situation came about. All I wanted to do was sleep! He then practically mimics me as I’m crying.

I’ve left the room, on the couch absolutely fuming and he’s gone to sleep in the room!

What a prick! 🤬
This can't be the first time he's said/done something to undermine your confidence and self-esteem.
You must not stay with someone who could speak to you like that. You absolutely can't. No normal person who loves, respects and cares for you would ever say things like that to you. Ever. Please gather every ounce of your self-respect, for your sake and that of your children, and plan your exit now.
Trust me when I tell you that even if this is the very first time he has been cruel to you that it won't be the last.

He's a no from me OP. I don't like his attitude at all.

Yes he sounds like my ex too. The utter selfishness in keeping you awake for 2 hours, the trying to undermine your confidence by making extremely personal remarks about your appearance and body, telling you no one else would want you but plenty of women would want you. Exactly the same. I'm so glad he's my ex.

@SallyWD my ex would also deprive me of sleep too. A common abuse tactic.

This.

Kindly meant, but are you really so desperate to be with a man, any man, that you want to be with this vicious, vile one?

He is absolutely awful and you ate very foolish if you really think this is now decent men behave towards someone they genuinely care about.

He is absolute scum and you have him around your children.

Up your standards for your sake and your childrens.

You both deserve better.

I've heard similar things when I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, funny how they always have the same script. These assholes aren't even original ! Best to leave him imo but easier said than done, best of luck.

Absolutely disgusting thing to say to you.

“he then made a comment along the lines that ‘I should be greatful as there’s loads of other girls he could be cuddling’.

“Now in his defence”

WHY the hell would you want to defend him?

he says petty things like that all the time.

And he always will. Find your anger, raise your standards and get rid of him. That is all.

He knows full well you could leave him and find better in a heartbeat, that's why he's being such a cock. He wants your self esteem on the floor. It's a control tactic.

Please call his bluff and tell him you agree, he should leave and go cuddle one of the girls apparently queueing up for him, because honestly being single is better than being stuck with a controlling, misogynistic little worm.

"He says petty things like that all the time."

These aren't petty things. They're downright nasty and designed to chip away at your self esteem.

My husband is one narky, moody little bastard and absolutely infuriates me at times, but I can hand on heart say he's never insulted me so personally.

Your dp sounds horrid. I have been in a relationship with someone who insulted me like this and my self esteem was on the floor for years.

I know people say horrible things in arguments but I think I'd struggle to get past this.

If my husband said that to me, it would be a deal breaker and impossible to come back from. No way.

He just told you exactly what he thinks of you and you should believe him.

You are worth a thousand of that vile creature

The insulting remarks are awful but I'd have been out well before that stage - what gives him the right to reposition your body for his comfort? You're not a pillow, you're a person.
To then get angry because you weren't sufficiently grateful - instead of responding with respect and care so that you could have s comfy night's sleep too - that tells me all I need to know about his feelings for you.

Two possibilities:

1. He’s finally been honest and told you what he really thinks of you, or

2. He doesn’t think those things at all but really, REALLY wanted to hurt you, make you feel ugly and worthless and like nobody else could ever love you.

Neither of these things is acceptable.

And no matter how profusely he apologises, he will 100% do it again.

You can do better. Get rid.

This relationship is dead. Anyone who can be that cruel to their partner is showing that they don’t love them, or even like them. This isn’t some little tiff.

I think you need to go back to the first part . The fact he didn't care that you needed to sleep for 2 hours.
That shows very little respect and concern for your well-being.
Then to insinuate you are lucky to have him. And he could be with other women.
Again lack of respect and showing how little your feelings mean to him.
And then the good old insults about appearance, just to make sure he keeps your self worth at a all time low. And you don't actually think other men would want you.
But it doesn't matter if other men want you . Or even if he does.
What does matter is what you think of yourself and how you think you deserve to be treated.
I am no oil painting and after having kids and getting older I definitely look very different to 20 years ago. But in all the years we have been together my dh has never criticised my appearance.
We have had disagreements over all sorts of things .
But making you feel bad about your appearance and opinions is really not nice at all .
I hope he atleast saw the errors in his judgment and apologises

Just get rid of the prick. Stupid to do anything else @Laneyya93 He’s vile.

This thread is super old, guys.