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Original poster

Fuming with dp

92 replies

Laneyya93 · 07/11/2023 23:55

Need to vent as I am sitting here absolutely fuming!

we went to bed around 2 hours ago. Dp was on his phone going through social media and then playing a game. I asked if I could turn off the light but he wasn’t ready yet. He eventually turned the light off but stayed on his phone tapping away playing a game. I was getting irritable as it had been about 2 hours and every time I dozed off it was disturbing me.

he just got ready to sleep, turned me around to pull me close and spoon (that’s how we usually hug to sleep). I just told him that I didn’t want to face that way, as I have a blocked nose on that side I wanted to hug facing the other direction. He was kind of giggling in a funny mood but I was irritated by this stage. I gave up and just stayed facing the side he pulled me to as he hugged me from behind.

he then made a comment along the lines that ‘I should be greatful as there’s loads of other girls he could be cuddling’. Now in his defence he must have thought this was a funny joke, he says petty things like that all the time. I replied by telling him that plenty of guys would like to hug me too. He then proceeded to tell me how no one would ever settle with me. That men would only want to have sex with me and would never settle down with me as I have children. This infuriated me and I tried to tell him how he’s wrong and it turned into some big debate.

I told him there’s plenty of step dads in the world. When you walk outside you see step dads all the time, men and women in relationship with partners who have children previously etc. I even told him that if his mum was able to find someone multiple times then I’m sure I could! All this time he’s cutting me off telling me it’s not possible no man will settle with me as I have kids.

it then turned serious as I got really annoyed and I got out of bed and he calls me fat, tells me I have a ‘spotty face’ (I struggle with my acne), insults my teeth and my nose… I then started crying because I just don’t understand how this whole situation came about. All I wanted to do was sleep! He then practically mimics me as I’m crying.

I’ve left the room, on the couch absolutely fuming and he’s gone to sleep in the room!

OP posts:
Original poster
Laneyya93 · 08/11/2023 12:47

Thanks everyone. You’re right and I know he resorted to name calling/insulting just to win the argument.

I agree I think he’s insecure, he would never agree though. He acts extremely confident, as if he almost puts on a ‘show’ to get people to like him/an ego boost and wants to be the ‘main man’.

personally, I’d never pick out somebody’s insecurities. I’m quite an insecure person in terms of my appearance, but in general I’m not insecure with who I am as a person as I know I’m very kind hearted and a generally good person. Maybe he feels the need to overcompensate for his lack of -whatever and insecurities which lead to him putting me down like that? He portrays himself as someone that genuinely thinks he’s the best and has no insecurities at all. I wonder if this is all just an act?

who knows, but I won’t accept being spoken to like that.

OP posts:
AllTangledUpInTitlesAndTiaras · 08/11/2023 12:49

What a prince among men.

LightSpeeds · 08/11/2023 13:11

I'd be suspicious of his "there's loads of other girls I could be cuddling". You wouldn't say something like that if you were totally committed to your relationship. Sounds like his mind/eyes are wandering.

To be honest, he sounds a bit shit. I hope your relationship is better than it sounds from your posts.

Littlebitpsycho · 08/11/2023 13:15

Please tell him to get the fuck out. Vile creature.

I'd rather be single forever than with a scumbag like that. I'm so sorry he made you feel that way - reading your OP made me feel sick 😫

strawberrysea · 08/11/2023 13:17

Bloody hell LTB!!!!! I'm so, so sorry that this happened to you :(

MRSMTO · 08/11/2023 13:17

I'd love a picture of him so we can all lower ourselves and pick apart his appearance. Not be so self confident then.

SallyWD · 08/11/2023 13:23

Wow, that was horrible to read. It started off bad but got progressively worse. It's awful enough to keep you awake. If ever my DH isn't ready to sleep when I am he goes in the spare room so he doesn't disturb my sleep. Not only did your DH keep you awake with no regard for your feelings or needs but then he starts insulting you and goading you.
He sounds really cruel and unpleasant. What is he usually like? From that episode alone I think I'd want to leave him!

YouJustDoYou · 08/11/2023 13:23

Jesus Christ, fucking wanker! OP this is disgusting, imagine your child being spoken to like that by their partner, what would you advise them todo? Because I know I'd be telling mine to leave the fucking arehole, much better to be single with my kid than have a nasty, abusive, immature dickhead as a partner.

Chickenwing2 · 08/11/2023 13:34

He is a piece of shit and you deserve better.

Initially I was gojng to recommend separate beds (me and DH do this and its amazing having my own space at night as I also go to bed much earlier than him)

However the more I read, I couldn't forgive the name calling and general chat trying to make you jealous. My dh has never once said anything nasty like that to me. I would leave this horrible man.

Laurdo · 08/11/2023 13:40

Not that is matters because it's doesn't, but my DH has raised his DSS as his own since the age of 2. When I met DH he had 3 kids which I accepted with open arms. I know plenty of stepdads who do a better job than the bio dad's. I think it's just as common to have step parents as it is to have 2 married parents all sharing the same kids.

Is he also forgetting that he has kids too?

Regardless, even if he was right and no man would have you, surely you'd be much better on your own than with this piece of shit making your life miserable.

LightSpeeds · 08/11/2023 13:45

Oh, and I was single with FIVE kids and didn't have a problem finding a bloke who was happy to take us all on!

Whattodo112222 · 08/11/2023 13:46

He is a cruel, vile, scumbag of a piece of shit man.
Oh, and he is also abusive.
My ex used to mimic me all the time like this.

Original poster
Laneyya93 · 08/11/2023 14:03

Yes he realises he also has kids but he doesn’t see that as a problem, because apparently it’s not an issue for males whereas apparently as a woman if you have a kid then no man will ever want you?? No man would want to take you on as you’ve been used by someone else I guess? I assume that’s the way he views things.

im also unsure why he thinks this way considering his mother has 2 children by 2 different fathers and is now in a relationship with another man who spoils her rotten.

he obviously didn’t like me stating that there could be men that would be happy to also cuddle me, as it must have made him feel jealous and insecure. Apparently he believes it’s perfectly acceptable for him to make comments to make me jealous, to let me know there are lots of other women interested in him etc but that I can’t find any man that would be interested in me and if there were someone it would only be for ‘sex’.

OP posts:
SallyWD · 08/11/2023 14:14

Laneyya93 · 08/11/2023 14:03

Yes he realises he also has kids but he doesn’t see that as a problem, because apparently it’s not an issue for males whereas apparently as a woman if you have a kid then no man will ever want you?? No man would want to take you on as you’ve been used by someone else I guess? I assume that’s the way he views things.

im also unsure why he thinks this way considering his mother has 2 children by 2 different fathers and is now in a relationship with another man who spoils her rotten.

he obviously didn’t like me stating that there could be men that would be happy to also cuddle me, as it must have made him feel jealous and insecure. Apparently he believes it’s perfectly acceptable for him to make comments to make me jealous, to let me know there are lots of other women interested in him etc but that I can’t find any man that would be interested in me and if there were someone it would only be for ‘sex’.

He clearly has old fashioned, sexist thinking. Actually being an armchair psychologist I wonder if his mum's relationships affected him and made him feel negatively towards women with multiple partners?
Anyway, it's complete nonsense. Just last month I went to my friends wedding. She has two kids from a previous relationship and has married the most lovely man.
Every friend I have with children has managed to find a man after ending relationships. Not that getting a man is the be all and end all. I'd rather be single than be with someone like your DH!

Aria999 · 08/11/2023 15:36

So if there are lots of women interested in him but you are so undesirable nobody else would want you, there's an obvious solution for him isn't there?

And yet here he still is.

Are you going to boot him out OP? I know it's easier said than done but I really don't think he's a keeper.

PissOffKen · 08/11/2023 15:43

I know this is not a one off because decent partners don’t have one off episodes like that. He’s a nasty piece of shit and you can do much much better. Get him in the bin.

MacarenaMacarena · 08/11/2023 22:08

So he's not the biological dad of your DC? (he spoke disrespectfully)
Your house or his?
Can you manage on your own?
Can you find a way to manage without this prat of a man wasting your time?
Good luck xx

Pumpkinpie1 · 08/11/2023 23:04

OP you are in a relationship with an immature abusive mysognist. Who resorts to name calling and insults when challenged
You are nobodies emotional punching bag! Time to rethink if this man is worth your time

Daffodil63 · 09/11/2023 02:29

Don't accept unacceptable behaviour, he was being an absolute pig!

TammyJones · 09/11/2023 03:17

Op
What absolutely Bell End.
My ex told me no man would ever want me as I had a kid (our child)

The woman he had the exit affair with had a child - he was an idiot
He even married her until she left him - eventually.

But he should have turned his phone off at a reasonable time OR gone to another room - end of.

I'm here , hid under the covers, phone totally on silent (no tapping or beeping) so not ti disturb dh who has ti get up at 6.

But that aside- the rest of his argument- what a nasty piece of work.

LTB you deserve better Flowers

TammyJones · 09/11/2023 03:22

Ps
I didn't see Having a child as a single parent an obstacle
I felt more desirable because DD was awesome.

I had a few boyfriends before I met dh.

They didn't have children

Dh had 2

Makes no difference at all

Can't believe men are still spouting this shut.

39and · 09/11/2023 03:27

He sounds like my evil ex. Left me with hang ups and insecurity for years. Are you able to leave the abusive pig?

TheCatterall · 09/11/2023 04:36

So if all other men would have to be desperate to be with you and it’s just for sex… why’s this charmer reckon he’s staying around? He’s certainly no king amongst men. If my partner spoke to me like that he’d be on the sofa. And out the door the next day. He’s playing on your insecurities to keep you in your place and down trodden so you never lift your head up and see how low you’ve set the bar with this relationship.

would you let him talk to your kids like that? Would you let your children treat others like this? No? Then why are you accepting it.

people show their true colours in moments of anger. This is him - showing you what’s beneath the day to day veneer he puts on.

Ulysees · 09/11/2023 04:53

Hope you kick him out.

Minibreak2023 · 09/11/2023 05:05

Please get rid of this nasty abusive man. He shouldn't be around you and your dc.