Affair partners Spouse

[AmericanLady21]

I had a connection (emotional affair) with a man nothing physical ever happened, I am waiting for bowel cancer results as im in constant pain and bleeding so don't want to do anything physical anyway! I went away to my friends house (she lets rooms out as a b&b) and he came there with me but still nothing ever happened my friend was there too the whole time ... it has ended however whilst it's ended his wife has found out and he tried to play it off as a one night stand kinda thing thinking she'd never know who I am and they can work on their marriage etc etc and told me that's what he was doing... since this moment I have had numerous messages threatening to come to my house, tell me husband if I lie to her etc etc and whilst I know nothing physical happened I haven't told my husband but I have gone along with AP lie to his wife and answered her questions as I thought he would want me too to help them and ensure she doesn't say anything but she is still messaging me threatening me what do I do?

im not saying threats are okay, however, this woman is in a fit of rage - and can you blame her? Shes being lied to. She wants the truth and you’re complicit in this lie. It was only going to end in some sort of blackmail when it comes to your husband

id personally have told your husband at this point so you’ve got lucky.

Looks like she might end up telling your husband, so it might be better coming from you.

You need to tell your husband the truth, then she will hold no control over you

What a bloody mess you’ve got yourself into. To be honest, it was absolutely ridiculous of you to go along with his weird bullshit about it being a one night stand but what you’ve done is, arguably, worse anyway. The emotional connection, planning your weird little escape together.. you’d be best off coming clean to your husband, properly clean that is not some weird convoluted version of events, and letting the chips fall where they may.

So you're sticking with nothing happened?

But you've put in writing that you snagged him?

This doesn't make sense. Why would you agree to that?

Affair partner is a strange turn of phrase to use unless you are the one who has been cheated on.
Anyway, what goes around comes around.
I'd tell your husband first.

You reap what you sow, and it's now bitten you.

No sympathy whatsoever.

I know! From things she been asking me times and meet ups etc non of them were me and I'm starting to think he was actually having an affair with someone and now I've taken the blame for it all

I didn't feel like I had a choice he told me that and then she messaged within hours saying if I lie she will be at my door and I've got young children and I know I've done nothing "wrong" physically but I'm so tired and poorly and I'm scared to tell me H on top of what's going on with my health and really don't know what to do (she found out in august) and is still messaging me now randomly threatening me

In the same position I think most spouses would tell your husband. If you're sure she won't it's on you somewhat questionable conscience whether you tell yours, but I'd be wanting to get in there first, fully expecting she will contact your DH. Why would she let you keep your relationship when you've trampled all over hers.

Nothing happened at all, not even really flirting I'm only saying emotional affair as it was a quick friendship but I didn't and don't have any feelings but yes I've gone along with the lie and now I'm scared to walk to the shop

I didn't know how else to write it and I've gone off other posters words in any type of situation

So was it a friendship or an emotional affair?

Friendship

Well this is all a bit ridiculous.

You thought it would be helpful for them if you lied about shagging him? How would that be helpful?

With that kind of logic maybe you should tell her what a great fuck he was and all the details of things you didn't do, to cheer her up even more

@AmericanLady21 I as a stranger on the Internet don't believe you.
How do you think your husband Is going to digest this?
What do you think he would be advised if he told this tale?

Well if it was just friendship why lie to your partners? I don’t buy that for a minute

I think he would know nothing physical happened but would be questioning why I didn't say anything to him

I have a history of domestic violence so I'm scared of confrontation anyway

Do you refer to all of your friendships as emotional affairs?

No I don't don't even know why I did tbh hence why it's in brackets it was a friendship that was kept secret because I thought it would be easier that way (for me) turns out I'm now in a web of lies and don't know what to do and would prefer to die and am looking for some support as my mum died and that's the only person I could speak to

So tell him.
Surly you want to get your side in early?
Because there's no scenario where those texts make you look believable.

Your excuses don’t even work here, in writing, and now you’re back-pedalling. Don’t have emotional affairs.
if your bloke is violent, dump him.
There you go, how to make your life easier in two steps.

I hope she does tell your husband why should he be in the dark sorry to hear about your health but I think this is the only reason you didn't have sex with him.

Emotional blackmail
Cancer diagnosis
Mums death
OP can you get more disengenuous?
Don't conflate emotional stuff to distract from your shortcomings.