He pulled me down so he could get up

[StillAliveButImBarelyBreathing]

Metaphorically speaking.

When we got together, he was down on his luck and I quickly fell unhappily into the mother role. I finally extricated myself from the relationship at the end of last year and was excited to finally start living life for myself after a string of toxic and abusive relationships. My hope for better things to come was quickly extinguished when he immediately struck up a relationship with my (ex)best friend who also happens to live a few streets away. Although I wouldn’t see it at the time, she was incredibly cruel to me and started distancing herself.

I was devastated but blocked them both and tried my best to move on with my life. I was feeling so much stronger until I received a letter from him, the gist of which is that life is amazing for him now and he’s over me. He thanked me for trying to help him but said that hurting him had made him sort his life out so he forgives me. Ever since, I have sunken back into the depths of grief and can’t find a way out.

I recently found out that he’s having a huge birthday party with (ex)BF’s circle that she always kept me at arms length from. He has a magnetic personality and everyone loves him so I’m not surprised things are going so well for him and he’s yet again found himself the centre of attention. I know I should be happy for him but it feels so unfair that I sacrificed so much to help him get his life on track and I’m repaid by catastrophic damage to mine.

My faith and trust in people has been absolutely destroyed and I don’t want to hang out with my incredibly small remaining support network because I’m such a drag to be around at the moment. My self esteem has been crushed, especially as one of the last things exBF said to me was that she preferred his company and implied I was boring. I have a milestone birthday coming up and I know it’s just going to be a reminder of all I’ve lost. I’ve already had my fair share of trauma yet it keeps on coming and I just want to give up.

How am I ever going to get over it? Right now I can’t imagine ever being happy again.

He wrote you a letter? Well that’s a bit weird for a start, I have never been written a letter by an ex. Who even does that? Like, actually hand written and posted through your door? He’s clearly very strange. And your ex best friend clearly wasn’t that close, or she wouldn’t have preferred his company. You’re well rid, seriously!

If you struggle with relationship boundaries, do the Freedom Programme. It's an eye opener. You need to focus on yourself and heal properly.

Your ex sounds really cruel. How horrible to put you down to make himself feel better. He and your exBFriend deserve each other. You've definitely dodged a bullet there. Well done. Don't give up. Life is about you. Don't live it through other people. You can do this.

Sounds like you’re well rid of both of these awful people & that they suit each other! It’s better to have a very small and quality set of friends/family as a support network than a big group of fakes & backstabbers. You’ve outgrown these toxic individuals they do not deserve your headspace and now you can move forward fresh without the deadwood in your life!

I think you are well rid of them both. I bet everything isn't as rosy as they make out or won't be in future. I hope you can meet nicer people

You mean so little to him that he feels the urge to write you a letter...he sounds like a man with a vast ego, and looking for anyone but himself to blame for his adversity. Let your former friend take him under her wing, because if he can get involved with a close friend of yours then he will wander again. She will learn her own life lessons. You need new friends so start looking at social/ hobby groups. Thank your lucky stars you have escaped this loser.

Oh god love, just leave them to it, one day you'll see that they weren't worth your love & friendship.

yes it hurts now, but try to shake it off, neither of them are worth it!!

look back & remember how you felt when you split up from him. That's YOU, don't be sucked into his blah blah blah bs.

If they’re that happy and crazy in love they wouldn’t be giving you a second thought, let alone spending time and energy writing letters to you.

He’s trying to reopen communication so he can:

1. triangulate you and ex-bf
2. use you for ego kibbles.

Don’t respond to it. Keep them both blocked on all channels. They sound vile.

Their relationship will eventually fall apart without the drama he’s seeking. It’s all an illusion.

Journalling and therapy helps.

The purpose of that letter was to make you miserable, probably disguised as a some kind of therapy.
Don't let him/ let them. Some people thrive making other suffer. Return the letter back or burnt it.
Life teach us lessons, this was a hard one for you. You don't need that shitty people around you. Be strong it will pass.
Agree with PP with the sentence that if he were happy and over you he wouldn't be writing letters.

Doesn't look good for her that he's been thinking so much about you and what he lost, then wrote a long letter (because you'd blocked him) and delivered it because he just had to try and hit back at you for looking happier without him dragging you down, does it?

The twat's spending more thinking about you when if all was really roses for them, he wouldn't give you a moment's thought, never mind write some essay shit.

Sounds very painful on both fronts
and for whatever reasons it’s caused a major dip in your self confidence and esteem , which was low anyway ?

I know and you know logically that neither of them are great people

it sounds you like need a bit of a push and some help to get out of the dip this has caused for you

maybe some travel , a break or a change of scene
or a new focus

I also agree that people don’t send long letters to people they don’t care about !
your rejection of him sting him on some level too

I’m sorry your hurting and that your self esteem is low , really look after yourself pls
Push yourself to get some help and keep busy

Please give yourself time. Burn the letter and don’t read anything else from him. He’s obviously obsessing over you. In the long run, you’ll see you lost two toxic people. (And I can just imagine what her friends are saying about her new-found romance. It’s pathetic.)

He can't be that happy. You are living in his head still. So much so that he had to write you a letter.

Honestly him and her deserve each other. I know it doesn't feel like it. Allow yourself a few days to wallow and then decide that on such and such a day you are going to wake up and have positive thoughts. Every time a negative comes into your head replace it with positive.

It's hard but time cures

You're falling into the self pitying martyr role again. You say you have a close circle of friends so concentrate on them. You don't need a massive party for a milestone birthday, plan sonething nice with the friends yoy have, be that one, two or three people.

Hes a narcissist. Hes only written you the letter so you think hes changed and dont slate him to others and so you think its your fault. Hes a fucking dick head and your ex bf....lol well... you're better out of it. He will show his true colours to others believe me. Burn that shitty untrue letter... ceremonially. Don't reply to him and chin up, fuck them and smile

Well the letter did what is was meant to do OP. He wanted to cause you pain. Burn it and forget about it. These two absolutely deserve each other.

If you haven't already block them on everything and start looking forward.

If you need to get some help from Talking therapy through your GP. There are lots of posters on TikTok that have been through similar and will give you a view of the future.

Well he's gone to a lot of of work to make sure you know how well he is doing hasnt he? Don't believe his drama and passive aggressive nonsense.
He wants you to feel bad and he's achieving it if its making you feel this low.
Your ex best friend sounds very shallow if she's treated you this way but she will get her come uppance when he moves on to the next victim!
Burn his letter, concentrate on your genuine friends and try to take care of yourself. Counselling may help you too.

People who are truly happy don’t spend time writing lengthy letters about how happy they are to send to ex’s. He also hasn’t changed as he says he forgives you which is an indicator that he isn’t taking responsibility. He’s still abusive and he’s sent this letter to wound you and it’s worked.
You must rebuild your self esteem, learn how to have a healthy relationship and concentrate on your own life. The books attached, overcoming low self esteem and women who love too much would be a great place to start. Also do the freedom programme online.

he is a toxic piece of shit. you deserve better and your so called best friend was never your friend. she also sounds toxic, they deserve each other

Anybody who writes a letter to an ex saying they are over them is definitely not over them! He might act like he has moved on but I can guarantee he is still thinking of you. So pity them both. Him because he hadn’t moved on and your ex best friend because he is still hung up on you. Start living your life for you. Push yourself out of your comfort zone by doing some new things and joining new groups and keep busy. Forget them both and make a happy life for yourself.

I don't buy it. It sounds like you live rent free in his head and he felt compelled to write you a letter to prove how over you he is and how happy he is. Who's he trying to convince? He forgives you?! Hahaha!

Reminds me of an ex friend who would always write gushing Facebook posts about her latest boyfriend about how amazing they were together and how happy they were. In reality she was very controlling and trying to convince her very new boyfriends to propose so everyone knew how happy they were.

I'm guessing he's embarrassed by how he was in the relationship, doesn't want you to remember him as pathetic and on some level, wants to "win" the breakup.

Your ex friend is a cunt. No decent friend would go near your ex.

He's fucking awful isn't he.

He's going to treat his new partner equally badly eventually while you are away from two people who harmed you.

Take a little time to rest, then get some help for your mental health.

until I received a letter from him, the gist of which is that life is amazing for him now and he’s over me.

🤣🤣🤣
Yeah right!!

Imagine going out of your way to write a letter just to tell your ex you’re over them and your life is amazing!!

That is obviously the opposite of what is actually happening.

OP his life is not amazing and he is not over you, else he wouldn’t need to write you a letter.

The best revenge is doing better for yourself.

Do you want him thinking you’re at home depressed and not taking care of yourself?
Or do you want him to think that he fucked up by leaving you because you’re such a great catch?

I would pull myself up and make sure to live every day to the fullest.
You will bump into him one day and you want to make sure you ooze self confidence and look great.

I think I’d have to write him one back, thanking him for getting in touch and saying how pleased you are that he’s so happy now. Tell him you are also doing great and that it just goes to show how much better life can be when you’re not with the wrong person.
Wish him all the best for the future but say they’ll be no more contact from you from now on, as there’s no need to stay in touch.

People who have amazing lives don’t feel the need to goad their exes by letter. He’s bullshitting you. Him and the friend deserve each other so let them have at it and get on with your life. Stay away from men and relationships.

I’m repaid by catastrophic damage to mine
Be glad to be free of him and don't waste your energy on him.
It's the end of what seems like a crap relationship, it's an escape not a catastrophe.

As others have said, writing a letter to someone you are truly over and who means zero to you just doesn’t happen, as they are completely inconsequential to you. Who is he trying to convince, you or him? It’s bizarre frankly.

Both of them sound absolutely toxic so you are well rid. Block and delete both of them and shred any more crap that comes through the letterbox. You get over it by realising you don’t need these twats to be happy. You cut them out of your life like a malignant growth and feel relieved it’s gone. Live your best life and don’t give them any headspace.