@Nicole1111, that’s a good way to think of it. I’m so stuck and in pain that I can’t envisage the future at all. I’ve also read one or two threads where people are still not over a betrayal years later and I worry this will be me also.
@Acornsoup, you are so right, the work is excruciating. I guess some weight loss and a new adoring friendship circle has probably masked some of his issues for now but he’s still the same person. Thank you so much for your kind words.
@Newestname002, thank you, that really helped to hear that I come across as strong. Some days I resent that I have had to be so strong for such a long time, I’m tired but I have to keep going.
@Thisisworsethananticpated, has anything changed for you since you started therapy? I’m only a couple of months in and so far I feel worse although I am learning a lot about myself. Sometimes I just want to fast forward until I’m out the other side but I’m also acutely aware of the passing of time, triggered by the looming milestone birthday.
@MariaLuna, I’d not considered that before but yes, I’m seeing that what a cruel person she can be. This is helping to remind me that she was no great loss. I can’t wait to be able to say ‘fuck him’. I’m getting there i think.
@AliceOlive, that’s a really good point. She happily tortured me once they started getting close by ‘accidentally’ arse dialling me while they were together so I could hear them laughing and joking together, telling me how all her friends were asking about her new handsome man and everyone speculating about whether they were together, telling me he and I could never be friends (before he fell out with me) for x, y, z reasons, telling me how angry he was with me but refusing to hear a bad word about him, telling me I should go find some rich friends when my divorce money finally came through (10 years in the making and a lot of hard work on my part as I send repped the whole way through) etc. etc. Like I do far too often, I tried to see the best in her and didn’t recognise her cruelty for what it was. I imagine she’ll treat him better than she did me because I was a threat as a younger single woman and he’s potential boyfriend material.
@mushroomsinplantpots, yes, that’s true. I probably shouldn’t take the letter at face value. I have thought a lot about moving which is another layer to the trauma because this is my first house and he’s well aware of how happy I’ve been living here. It was a new area and a fresh start for me and my children which has been tainted by what’s happened. For a long time, I felt such pain having to pass her house and see his car in the driveway. There’s no prospect of moving anytime soon as the house is a doer upper which aren’t selling right now plus it quite quirky and niche so won’t appeal to many people. Thank you for reminding me that there’s life on the other side, it feels so impossibly far away right now.
@Pherian, I’ve never considered that he could be a narc but a few posts here have got me thinking. He’s the best covert narc going if so!