the shock of the other side

[ultimateorange]

Got a slightly 'different' problem. I am a bloke, late 30s, happily married with young children, me and my wife are both doing very well career wise and had a great 50/50 going until last year when the younger went to school.

I have never been in good shape. I have never been obese either, just average with no muscle tone and just bland. I decided to change this up last year - nothing extreme but I started eating better, running more and doing lots of strength work. Basically anything that could be done at home or in short time frames (didn't want to lumber wife with children for too long whilst I swanned off)

18 months later and I am in good shape! Muscular but not to an extreme, lean and with much better CV. Clothes fit me better, my jawline has gone from soft to chisel and I am extremely happy and proud with my results.

Before the next bit, it's worth mentioning I have been with my wife a long time and only ever been with one other woman.

I am getting a lot of attention, particularly at work. I wish I could say I was all suave about it, but I get embarrassed and clam up. This attention from a couple of the women at work has now crossed to a point where even I have picked up on it and on one occasion I was directly propositioned.

I admit it's very flattering and tempting, but I could never cheat. My issue is what do I do? I can't tell my wife, it will introduce loads of stress for her every time I go into the office. The attention hasnt crossed into HR territory (other than the proposition). Is there an way to navigate this - my goal is a hassle free life here, so anything that quiets it all down with no fuss is ideal.

No, I would have written exactly same.

This is sexual harassment. You shut it down , say it makes you uncomfortable, and if it continues, you talk to HR.

it is WILDLY Inappropriate, and it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman - it’s flat out inappropriate in the workplace.

Everyone has a right to speak, but only if they agree with you? What a hypocrite you are

Thanks for the reply im a woman but just find some comments rude.
Im not asking for anyone to agree with me sorry you feel that way.
Hope your ok.
No ones a hypocrite neither are you.

"This attention from a couple of the women at work has now crossed to a point where even I have picked up on it and on one occasion I was directly propositioned.

I admit it's very flattering and tempting, but I could never cheat."

In other words, the OP is attracted to at least one of the women who has recently shown him some attention, but doesn't want to do anything stupid.
He is having inappropriate thoughts.

He's allowed to think whatever he likes, that's not immoral or cheating.

But it's partly why my advice was to imagine what he'd do if all these zillions of admirers were everything he finds unattractive. I think men are pretty good at swatting off attention that's truly unwelcome.

Piers Morgan's chin wasn't too bad when he was younger. Never heard of Pierce Morgan though so no idea about his chin.

Op you do 't need to talk about your wofe and kids. Just tell them it's inappropriate and move on. Or ignore completely. It doesn't matter if someone makes a fool of themselves over you. You just do you.

Mumsnet is happy that you’ve worked hard on the lard.
Now you just need the dignity and strength of character to fend off the attention. It isn’t difficult.
If it gets too bad, HR is your friend.

This doesn't have to be difficult. OP, just continue to be polite and professional in the workplace. If you get flattering comments just smile and say 'Thanks! my wife thinks it's great that l've got off the sofa'. Keep it light. Only if you really get hit on do you need to remind them that you are a happily married man and not interested. lm sure they are aware of that anyway.

With great chiseled jaw comes great responsibility OP. What's going to quiet it all down with no fuss is you. Not constantly mentioning your wife, or walking round with your wedding ring held out like a shield. Feeling embarrassed, clamming up, and feeling tempted isn't going to help you. If you find them attractive then yes it might feel flattering.

If you were single you would have to deal with it. If you had slept with 1000 women and been married to your wife for half an hour and had a 90/10 split in the home, none of it is relevant. A simple No Thanks, just like you would with a charity mugger in a shopping precinct will do the trick, then carry on with your day.

What a weird thread.

Op disappears.

And did he really need some women online to tell him how to say no/not show any interest??

Does he not have basic social skills?

It's a non issue.

Wonder what the real point of the thread was?

I suspect it's a reverse or something

GoldDuster · Today 10:21

With great chiseled jaw comes great responsibility OP.

I'm dying 😂

Invisible at 9st?? Jesus, at my slimmest I think I was only 9.5!!

😂😂😂

"tempting" 🫣

Are you tempted then? Because this is nothing about them and everything about you. You don't need a 6 pack to be tempted.

That's a worry for your wife.

If you say no thanks I'm very happy with my wife, and mean it, they will leave you alone. No woman likes to be rejected/humiliated. Maybe the problem is that you are not saying that, or not meaning it?

With great chiseled jaw comes great responsibility OP.

@GoldDuster

This has cracked me up 😂😂😂😂😂

Congratulations on your achievement!

Firm and strong has to be your new motto- ‘no thank you’ or ‘this makes me uncomfortable/ stop’.

😀😀

I didn't make any judgement on the fat fuck comment at all!

@ultimateorange I too keep getting a lot of attention, having lost lots of weight. I really don’t like it at all and I despise those who used to ignore me and are now fawning away, it’s pretty grating. A robust no thanks will sort them out.

congrats by the way 💪💪💪

What do you mean by proposition? Is it a 'do you fancy a drink after work' or a more direct 'lets get it on'? The former is pretty easy to decline insofar as "No thanks, need to get back home as my son has football tonight/date night with the wife/my turn to cook etc". The latter is pretty unprofessional and can be reported to your line manager.

Smile and subtly show your ring.

This would be asking for trouble 😄

I went from a size 22 to a size 8.

I started getting a LOT of attention, all of it unwelcome. I was talking to my sister about it and said how shallow it was that it was just about looks and she said that it wasnt just about looks. That since I had lost the weight that I had got a lot of my old confidence back (I had also survived a very abusive relationship that all but destroyed my self confidence), and I acted differently. I was happier, more confident, more outgoing and that is what people noticed alongside the change in looks.

That may be part of the issue here. You feel better in yourself, as you should, and that probably comes across in how you act and talk to people. So suddenly you are being noticed for both reasons.

I think that talking about your wife and family in general is a good idea, as is a more direct "I am very happily married to an amazing woman, I am not interested" to the propositioner.

And to the PP who said "most women wont go after a married man", as someone who has been on this earth for far more years than she is happy with, you would be surprised just how many would. Nice that you think most wouldnt, but very naive.