the shock of the other side

[ultimateorange]

Got a slightly 'different' problem. I am a bloke, late 30s, happily married with young children, me and my wife are both doing very well career wise and had a great 50/50 going until last year when the younger went to school.

I have never been in good shape. I have never been obese either, just average with no muscle tone and just bland. I decided to change this up last year - nothing extreme but I started eating better, running more and doing lots of strength work. Basically anything that could be done at home or in short time frames (didn't want to lumber wife with children for too long whilst I swanned off)

18 months later and I am in good shape! Muscular but not to an extreme, lean and with much better CV. Clothes fit me better, my jawline has gone from soft to chisel and I am extremely happy and proud with my results.

Before the next bit, it's worth mentioning I have been with my wife a long time and only ever been with one other woman.

I am getting a lot of attention, particularly at work. I wish I could say I was all suave about it, but I get embarrassed and clam up. This attention from a couple of the women at work has now crossed to a point where even I have picked up on it and on one occasion I was directly propositioned.

I admit it's very flattering and tempting, but I could never cheat. My issue is what do I do? I can't tell my wife, it will introduce loads of stress for her every time I go into the office. The attention hasnt crossed into HR territory (other than the proposition). Is there an way to navigate this - my goal is a hassle free life here, so anything that quiets it all down with no fuss is ideal.

These women also believe that OP hates the attention and as soon as female colleague approaches him, he will start throwing photos of his wife at them while shoving his wedding ring in their face. Meanwhile he mentioned he has gotten fit, but his wife hasn't. Did he report proposition to HR? No, of course not. Also some replies to constantly bring your wife and children into every conversation are insane

The double standards on here are astounding sometimes. A woman posting the same situation would not get the snidey responses a man has, and this happens time and time again.

Oh and the suggestion wasn't mine originally but it's a damn sight more constructive than asking how the op's head fits through the door.

Me and one of the good-looking male staff at work talked about this. We both get attention from the clients. We have opted for the 'talking constantly about spouses and children' route.

Now we do it for each other as well. "Ooo Don is so cute" "oh yes his wife of 20 years thinks so".

FB is useful for this. Not that weird #blessed crap. Just lots of posts with the wife and kids, being happy, being together.

"Strange , you never gave me a second glance before I got fit , how shallow are you "?
And walk away .

I would type exactly same response if OP was a woman. I have not come across post like that written by a woman. You might be of a different opinion, but to me is a thinly veiled boasting from an attention seeking individual and it is cringe inducing. Feel very sorry for his wife. No doubt these evil women will start harassing poor OP by messaging him at home ...

Congrats on your weight loss and toning, OP, not easy. I think polite 'no thanks' works every time and doesn't offend.

I'm intrigued by your username... I used to get mine from the US back in the day, amazing stuff.

This is such a non-problem.

Just give a firm no to any direct propositions as you are happily married.

Talk about your happy marriage (lovely times you have had together, funny anecdotes she has told you, call her lovely) in response to any woman who is flirting.

It isn’t a non problem. And It happens to women all the time.
OP say thanks but no thanks, talk about your wonderful wife and kids and walk away. Well done on staying faithful

I meant in terms of being easy to solve. Especially because he is a man and the power dynamics are unlikely to be there. Unless he is being harassed by the most senior managers who are making it clear his career will be well oiled if he obliges, and if he doesn't, well... that project might go to Bob instead.

Tell them directly that you are married and not interested.

Be a grown up and guard yourself against having your head turned. Of course, the interest is flattering but look at it this way:

these women weren’t interested in you 18 months earlier before you started to get fit. So they’re not really interested in YOU.

Oh bore off.

I agree with many others. Be very clear that you're not interested, yes you have to say so if propositioned and mention your wife and family lots at work.

Honestly, I find it surprising that so many of the women at his workplace work closely enough with him that they’ve clocked his physical transformation even under his work clothes and have had the opportunity to make direct propositions to him… yet simultaneously are unaware of the fact that he’s happily married. Or maybe he’s just become so hot and there are so few other men around that they can’t help themselves try for a piece of that action. Women are such shallow hornbags!

I don't understand the posters saying talk about your wife/kids? They are none of anybody else's business and it sounds fake or as if you're frightened and need some sort of talisman (you don't).

I never talk about my family but I give a very definite and unequivocal response of "I'm not interested". Nothing to discuss further.

9 stone and invisible?!

First congrats on looking awesome OP. It takes a lot of focus to do what you have and you must be feeling fab.
re the attention. Absolutely mention your wife and kids A LOT.
Dont tell her unless you have that kind of relationship (myself and husband do and often joke about this kind of thing).
keep up the good work :)

If this situation was reversed and you were a woman, many would have said straight away go to HR for sexual harassment, because this is what this is. Be direct about it and say you would report to HR if it keeps going.

Nothing says "I hate female attention" more than going on to a female-oriented website to complain about getting female attention.

If you don't want to respond to it, then don't. Imagine every single one of these women was 25 stone with a hairy chin, halitosis and a desire for your credit card number. Do whatever you'd do in that situation.

This happened to a friends DP a few years ago.
He was overweight, didn't really care about his appearance, hair and beard was messy etc
Then out of the blue he went on some health kick, started exercising, groomed himself better and I kid you not , the difference was night and day!
He scrubbed up really well
VERY good looking guy indeed.

Congrats on your weight loss and toning, OP
Just tell the ladies at work you're married and move on :)

Dropping your wife into conversations (positively), happy marriage etc, will send them the message that you aren't interested.

I think you have to be polite but not over friendly. If you are not interested, you should look like you are not interested, if it makes sense, it helps but please add about happy marriage otherwise some woman might think that you are just setting a challenge.

Oh dear, you poor little thing. So hard for you.

I've been there i was fat no other word for it.
I never got looked at I was invisible and the bunt of all the fat jokes because I was over weight and only 4foot.
I done something about it took over 18 months no jym no workout stuff.
All I had was me and a floor and 2 baby's.
I done it no junk food takeouts no cheat days and work out every day.
I went from a 14-16 down to a size 8 very toned.
I got alot of attention my reply was you didn't what to know me when I was fat so piss off.
I have gone up to a 10 but I'm happy with it.
But I done it for me.
And the ones that had the jokes well that a whole different story now their now how I was.

You do what attractive married women do every day. You give no encouragement at all, keeping things polite but professional. You make it clear you are married. You respond to direct propositions with a clear no.
The advantage you will have over us, is that will very likely stop the problem. However on the off chance it doesn't, then report anything inappropriate.
No need to tell your wife about something that without encouragement will likely be something and nothing. But do tell her if it gets to the stage of harassment.
As for feeling flattered...no harm in that. After going from the invisible man to the hot guy you're bound to feel a bit chuffed with yourself. Just have a big grin to yourself in the mirror at how good you're looking and be proud of your hard work.