the shock of the other side

[ultimateorange]

Got a slightly 'different' problem. I am a bloke, late 30s, happily married with young children, me and my wife are both doing very well career wise and had a great 50/50 going until last year when the younger went to school.

I have never been in good shape. I have never been obese either, just average with no muscle tone and just bland. I decided to change this up last year - nothing extreme but I started eating better, running more and doing lots of strength work. Basically anything that could be done at home or in short time frames (didn't want to lumber wife with children for too long whilst I swanned off)

18 months later and I am in good shape! Muscular but not to an extreme, lean and with much better CV. Clothes fit me better, my jawline has gone from soft to chisel and I am extremely happy and proud with my results.

Before the next bit, it's worth mentioning I have been with my wife a long time and only ever been with one other woman.

I am getting a lot of attention, particularly at work. I wish I could say I was all suave about it, but I get embarrassed and clam up. This attention from a couple of the women at work has now crossed to a point where even I have picked up on it and on one occasion I was directly propositioned.

I admit it's very flattering and tempting, but I could never cheat. My issue is what do I do? I can't tell my wife, it will introduce loads of stress for her every time I go into the office. The attention hasnt crossed into HR territory (other than the proposition). Is there an way to navigate this - my goal is a hassle free life here, so anything that quiets it all down with no fuss is ideal.

Be nice just because op is a man and not a woman.
Every one has a right to speak as do you and I.
You may not have ever been on the bully end of things but it's not nice.
Sometimes being happy for someone is door opener.

I think you need to stop finding it flattering and tempting. It’s easy to start feeling flattered and then it escalate to your wife not giving you that attention and looking elsewhere, even though you say you wouldn’t cheat, it’s how 99% of affairs start. These women are shallow. They weren’t interested before. It’s your wife that fell in love with you, regardless of how you looked. It’s your wife that has put up with you talking about war gaming and probably countless figures over the house. If you stop being flattered by the attention, then your body language will tell them to stop. On those occasions that they won’t take no for an answer, you say you aren’t interested and will be going to HR if anything more happens.

Don’t be friendly or lighthearted. A very curt ‘no, and do not ask me again’ would be more appropriate.

Some of these posts are so rude (it’s MN so it’s no surprise).

There have been several threads about women losing weight and men showing them more attention.

Women are used to men propositioning them all of the time and having to nicely but firmly fend off advances.
Men are not so used to this.

OP I would stay friendly but do say that you have a wife and that you are very happy with her.

Definitely do not tell you wife that you are getting attention at work.

There is a few sarcastic comments on this thread 😂

I think there is something about coming on MN for advice on that subject.
Most us, me included, have answered the way WE, as women, would answer to those proposals.
But it is true that the dynamics are totally different when it’s a man and a woman proposing. A man really has little to do to make it go away so I’m wondering why it seems to be non stop for the OP

Wondering what posters would say if it was a man centred forum….

Simple innit

Go back to being a fat fuck and your problem is solved

Just ignore, feel flattered and move on or mention your wife.

This is such a non-problem.

When I was slim and fit before my pregnancies, I got male attention at work. I managed to never go out with these colleagues, kiss or sleep with them.

Just because someone is a bit flirtatious with you, doesn't mean they will end up humping you.

I believe you about the fluctuations in attention as I've experienced that myself too but I'm surprised at your figures. 9 stone is a slim and attractive weight on most people, I'd be super surprised if someone were invisible at 9 stone.

Ha fair play mate I'm just jealous, I'm male reasonable shape older than you, face like a bag of spanners tho, but unlike in my 20s & early 30s only ones I get hit on by now are not what I'd be interested at all.

Sorry no advice really, but don't be a wet lettuce, a simple & polite no thanks is all that's needed.

Simple innit
Go back to being a fat fuck and your problem is solved

you would never type that if OP were a woman. The double standards on this thread are breathtakingly awful.

Yes, this doesn't make sense. Put a winter coat on and men won't be able to tell you've gone from slim to medium. Either the poster is joking or there's something going on with her level of confidence/type of clothes she wears at different weights.

But as one poster pointed out a woman wouldn't have much trouble just saying 'no thanks I'm happily married' but OP does seem to...

I tell people I'm happily married when some dude crosses the boundary. Just saying married doesn't seem to put them off, but happily married does. Keep it professional and get some couple time with your wife.

I can't believe you are actually justifying the 'fat fuck' comment. Were you a bully at school perchance?

@madeinmanc @EyeScroll @Gwenhwyfar

Sorry, I should have said. I'm really short. Like the shortest adult ever. 9 stone is not a good look. Sorry, I should have said.

@arethereanyleftatall oh well thank goodness for that, I was a bit worried there for a moment!

Every now and then there's a thread from a woman pissed off because married men keep hitting on her and she always gets judged. One of them made the mistake of admitting she wears skater dresses and it all went completely loco.

I don't know why so many posters on here are so surprised that a female-oriented website centres women, or how they could spend five minutes here and think posters get an easy time for being female. If it makes you feel any better, women get nasty comments on here too.

@Cheeseandlobster Thank you for calling her out.

@vodkaredbullgirl Happy to oblige- consider your rude self reported. 🙄

I love that if it was a woman posting this she's be applauded and have loads of positive well dones 😂

I think it's pretty suspect you are speaking to mumsnet and not your wife.

I think you're trying to find a way to have your cake and eat it.

Are you wearing a wedding ring?

Just get fat again. Problem solved.

These women sound awful. Says everything that they weren't interested before.

Lots of good advice on this thread.

Is the unspoken implication here that you can now "do better" than your wife? 🤔