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Original poster

3 months since we split....my friends found him on a dating app... feeling devastated

119 replies

Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 00:58

Just that really.....
We split 3 months ago - he was innapropriate with another women on more than one occasion... I told him he needed to back away a little from this women as its crossing my boundaries and hurting me (when I say innapropriate I mean highly innapropriate) or i couldn't do "us" anymore ....he got up packed a bag..took his ds and left!

I asked him to come back..begged Infact how embarrassing...and work through it together. He didn't. He blocked me instead. After 15 months together...

2 months ago after we broken up we spoke and he told me he still wanted his future with me and he still loved me so much and adored me...

Tonight my friend found him on a dating app... New pictures uploaded the whole shibang

Just feel sad 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 13:24

Ilovelurchers · 04/11/2023 10:32

Well, you speaking to her like that has doubtless made a huge difference to her self esteem and made her feel much better about herself!

OP, you made a mistake when you picked this one - loads of us do it. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you on some essential level, it just happens.

Move on, let him be somebody else's problem. You can do a lot better. If you want a relationship that is. But please don't take on this idea that it was wom fault or weakness in you that made you open to being treated like this. That is victim blaming and it's horrible and sadly these boards are rife with it.

It's not your fault he was a dick. It's his fault he was a dick.

Show quote history

Thank you OP so much xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 13:29

Flipdiddle · 04/11/2023 11:07

Op you’ve gone from feeling “devastated” and “sad 😞 “

to he was a “slimeball” and “very boring”

I think that you are telling us what you think you want us to hear you say rather than what you actually feel

you want to be in a relationship and you were happy to accept a cretin

that is going to take more than an hour Ona mumsnet thread to overcome.

Im devastated and sad that after 3 months of our split he's on bumble...bounced back and is ready to go again...like I ment nothing...

However I have over these past 3 months realised he is and was boring, but I'd of made that work. And a slime ball with his actions and ultimately a gas lighter so while I'm not broken about us splitting as I was for the first 8 weeks or more I'd say I am still devastated he's ready to date again and bounced right back into it.... especially as I believed he would always try like he said and we would "get through everything together"

The things he has said to me and I believed were the devastating things. "I don't want to do life with anyone but you"
Blah blah blah it was all fake

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 13:33

TheShellBeach · 04/11/2023 11:35

...........I was actually very bored In the relationship and hoped we would improve...........

Ugh. Yet you sent him pervy pics?

Raise your standards.

We sent pervy pictures to each other early on in the relationship when it wasn't boring. I clearly didn't send him pervy pics after we split. At the start it was great....at the start I didn't know how he was speaking to this one particular women...or else I'd of ran

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 13:35

izzygirlis4 · 04/11/2023 11:35

But you're not together. He is perfectly entitled to be on a dating site if he wishes.

Yes he is. Just hurts that he's just totally over it seemingly when I'm not. I understand people are different just how he spoke to me 2 months ago didn't imply that 2 months later he would be looking for a "new relationship"

OP posts:
Flipdiddle · 04/11/2023 16:32

Im devastated and sad that after 3 months of our split he's on bumble...bounced back and is ready to go again...like I ment nothing...

I am confused so i will bow out

but all I’ll say is put your children at front middle and back whilst they are young, and then take risks with dating when you are in a much much better position in terms of understanding what is and is not a positive loving relationship

Confusion101 · 04/11/2023 16:34

Im devastated and sad that after 3 months of our split he's on bumble...bounced back and is ready to go again...like I ment nothing...

3 months after a 15 month relationship is a completely acceptable time frame!!

Bublebathe · 04/11/2023 18:26

Oh I have experience here! Mine was on dating sites within a week and with someone vvv soon after.
Really stung - we were in a proper relationship and days before the breakup he was discussing the future then WHAM - but you need to go full non-contact for your own good.
For whatever reason he doesn't want to be with you.
It took me a lot longer to get over him, but I think that's OK.
Come on, you know logically you deserve better!

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 25/11/2023 15:04

Confusion101 · 04/11/2023 16:34

Im devastated and sad that after 3 months of our split he's on bumble...bounced back and is ready to go again...like I ment nothing...

3 months after a 15 month relationship is a completely acceptable time frame!!

Do you think so? It was an intense 15 months relationship where we blended our families (I know I know too soon I've learnt the hard way) and only stopped talking 2 months before he went back on bumble etc?

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 25/11/2023 15:05

Bublebathe · 04/11/2023 18:26

Oh I have experience here! Mine was on dating sites within a week and with someone vvv soon after.
Really stung - we were in a proper relationship and days before the breakup he was discussing the future then WHAM - but you need to go full non-contact for your own good.
For whatever reason he doesn't want to be with you.
It took me a lot longer to get over him, but I think that's OK.
Come on, you know logically you deserve better!

Edited

Gosh that's evil I am so sorry.....

Day 1 no contact today.... wish me luck!

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 25/11/2023 15:06

Flipdiddle · 04/11/2023 16:32

Im devastated and sad that after 3 months of our split he's on bumble...bounced back and is ready to go again...like I ment nothing...

I am confused so i will bow out

but all I’ll say is put your children at front middle and back whilst they are young, and then take risks with dating when you are in a much much better position in terms of understanding what is and is not a positive loving relationship

I 100% agree thank you x

OP posts:
Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 25/11/2023 15:51

Onehouratatime · 25/11/2023 15:05

Gosh that's evil I am so sorry.....

Day 1 no contact today.... wish me luck!

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So you've been in touch with him every day since? Why?

Beaverbridge · 25/11/2023 16:24

He can go and be someone else's problem, he's no loss.

Confusion101 · 25/11/2023 19:59

@Onehouratatime yeah I do think 3 months is a sufficient length of time. He's single. How long do you expect him to wait? If you stopped talking 2 months before he joined bumble, how is today the first day of no contact?

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 25/11/2023 20:02

Confusion101 · 25/11/2023 19:59

@Onehouratatime yeah I do think 3 months is a sufficient length of time. He's single. How long do you expect him to wait? If you stopped talking 2 months before he joined bumble, how is today the first day of no contact?

He popped back up 2 weeks ago ish and been talking since then with a 4 day gap in between it

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 25/11/2023 20:03

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 25/11/2023 15:51

So you've been in touch with him every day since? Why?

Show quote history

Since he popped up we have had contact for about 9 days out of 14 going back and forth with messages to each other and long phone calls. We went over our mistakes which he deflected and blamed our break up all on me in the end basically and wouldn't take accountability

OP posts:
Confusion101 · 25/11/2023 20:07

So youve a thread full of advice about how you deserve so much better than him yet you are still giving him the time of day! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 26/11/2023 10:59

He popped up for 9 days to pick you up again when the dating sites were going quiet.
Once he sees some new “meat “ he will be gone again.
It’s so clear what he doing . Up to you wether you allow it anymore .

GrazingSheep · 26/11/2023 15:00

There is no saving some people from the consequences of their poor decisions.
You are going to get back with him aren’t you?

GrazingSheep · 26/11/2023 15:01

Poor kids - yours and his.

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