Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

3 months since we split....my friends found him on a dating app... feeling devastated

119 replies

Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 00:58

Just that really.....
We split 3 months ago - he was innapropriate with another women on more than one occasion... I told him he needed to back away a little from this women as its crossing my boundaries and hurting me (when I say innapropriate I mean highly innapropriate) or i couldn't do "us" anymore ....he got up packed a bag..took his ds and left!

I asked him to come back..begged Infact how embarrassing...and work through it together. He didn't. He blocked me instead. After 15 months together...

2 months ago after we broken up we spoke and he told me he still wanted his future with me and he still loved me so much and adored me...

Tonight my friend found him on a dating app... New pictures uploaded the whole shibang

Just feel sad 😔

OP posts:
User63847439572 · 04/11/2023 08:25

I’m surprised you’re surprised!

i know it must still hurt but you have to see you dodged a bullet

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 08:26

@Flipdiddle thinking about it all...we only ever argued about his actions with other women. Nothing else. 3 other women that I know off but alot of things with 1 particular women.

When we would talk about things and I'd say I'm worried I'm feeling bored and unhappy in the relationship he would tell me it's my mental health causing me to feel that because I am going through alot of stress atm and its just my head playing tricks on me because the relationship is great!... turned it back onto my MH and actually when he left my MH improved massively...guess being told my MH was the reason and that my MH was really bad was making it really bloody bad.

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 04/11/2023 08:26

BeingGivenMoney · 04/11/2023 07:00

If he was inappropriate with another woman more than once when he was with you, why are you surprised he’s looking for a woman when he isn’t with you?!

He sounds like a pig so just be glad to be rid of him. You deserve much more!

This...

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 08:27

User63847439572 · 04/11/2023 08:25

I’m surprised you’re surprised!

i know it must still hurt but you have to see you dodged a bullet

I am glad I really am ultimately but it just stings a little that after only 3 months he's back on dating apps you know?

OP posts:
User63847439572 · 04/11/2023 08:28

But…. Being actually with you didn’t put him off doing stuff with other women, of course he wouldn’t wait any time at all!

Flipdiddle · 04/11/2023 08:28

Do you have children op?

Chizzyfizzy · 04/11/2023 08:28

Hello OP. I am sorry this wanker has hurt you and even more sorry for his son.

You now know your boundaries and have been able to enforce them. Do NOT contact him - EVER. If he's prepared to put his son second best no woman is ever going to be a priority. Best off leaving this a-hole to it.

Flipdiddle · 04/11/2023 08:29

Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 08:27

I am glad I really am ultimately but it just stings a little that after only 3 months he's back on dating apps you know?

Show quote history

I really really really can’t fathom why it “stings” having read all your posts

ohdamnitjanet · 04/11/2023 08:29

Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 08:12

No we were still split when he told me he wanted a future with me...
He told me that via messages after a very long 2 hour phone call with me doing all the work telling him ways in which we could fix the problem and move forward and ways in which I would change too... he messaged me saying how much he loved me and will always adore me and still does want a future with me....few messages back and forth.... then he said can you send me money for the holiday I cancelled ? (He booked it and paid I knew nothing of the holiday for next year) and how gutted he was he deleted our messages as he has no pervy pictures of me to look at anymore... ending the message with "please don't send any" which obvs means he wanted me too and I just couldn't get my head around the fact I'd sobbed for 2 hours to then be asked for money and pervy pics....

Show quote history

Oh God he’s vile - I hope you didn’t send him money.

Seaoftroubles · 04/11/2023 08:29

You are well rid OP. He sounds grim and was probably on dating apps throughout your relationship any way! Instead of feeling sad celebrate your escape from this pervy creep, take yourself out and treat yourself to a something nice and be grateful he's not your problem any more.

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 08:30

Chizzyfizzy · 04/11/2023 08:28

Hello OP. I am sorry this wanker has hurt you and even more sorry for his son.

You now know your boundaries and have been able to enforce them. Do NOT contact him - EVER. If he's prepared to put his son second best no woman is ever going to be a priority. Best off leaving this a-hole to it.

Thank you I needed that!!

OP posts:
Confusion101 · 04/11/2023 08:31

OP with all respect, he is single. He has been single for 3 months now. He is entitled to be on dating sites.

He sounds absolutely horrible. You deserve so much better than that. Stop contacting him and begging him to take you back. Listen to what your wrote...
He made the mistakes.
He made you beg to get back.
He made you believe you needed to change.
He asked you for money.
He suggested you send him pictures....

Why are you giving him any time and headspace?

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 08:32

Seaoftroubles · 04/11/2023 08:29

You are well rid OP. He sounds grim and was probably on dating apps throughout your relationship any way! Instead of feeling sad celebrate your escape from this pervy creep, take yourself out and treat yourself to a something nice and be grateful he's not your problem any more.

To be honest your probs right re dating apps however I don't know how he got the time between me and messaging this other women telling "you look gorgeous honey".....yes actually I'm going to do that today thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 08:33

Confusion101 · 04/11/2023 08:31

OP with all respect, he is single. He has been single for 3 months now. He is entitled to be on dating sites.

He sounds absolutely horrible. You deserve so much better than that. Stop contacting him and begging him to take you back. Listen to what your wrote...
He made the mistakes.
He made you beg to get back.
He made you believe you needed to change.
He asked you for money.
He suggested you send him pictures....

Why are you giving him any time and headspace?

Thank you...

OP posts:
Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 08:33

Flipdiddle · 04/11/2023 08:28

Do you have children op?

I do. 2.

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 04/11/2023 08:34

Seaoftroubles · 04/11/2023 08:29

You are well rid OP. He sounds grim and was probably on dating apps throughout your relationship any way! Instead of feeling sad celebrate your escape from this pervy creep, take yourself out and treat yourself to a something nice and be grateful he's not your problem any more.

My ex was messaging other women and 'liking' their provocative pictures. He also knew 1 of the women. I was fuming. I knew he was private messaging this woman he knew. He had severe self esteem issues whereas he needed women to show him attention. Massive issues. Anyhow i ditched him and lo and behold my daughter seen him 2 week later with this other woman. I was angry but thought, he was waiting for her, i was a placeholder...i was too feisty for him he needed a woman who told him he was amazing..when he wasnt...i didnt

StarlightLime · 04/11/2023 08:34

Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 08:27

I am glad I really am ultimately but it just stings a little that after only 3 months he's back on dating apps you know?

Show quote history

How long would you expect him to remain single? Confused
He wasn't exclusive when he was with you. Time to move on.

VerrryNice · 04/11/2023 08:35

Did you give him the money for the holiday you didn’t know about? (Hope not.)

Chizzyfizzy · 04/11/2023 08:35

Oh and the pictures thing .... Is that all you are to him? Something to get his rocks off to in-between shagging his way through life. Slime ball.

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 04/11/2023 08:36

Of course you feel upset, and it sounds like your logical brain knows you’re better off without him, but that doesn’t mean you feel any better right now.
The thing that helped me eventually get over my exes was totally getting them out of my life - every time I saw or heard about them it reawakened the craving and made it worse, and I would also advise that your friends not tell you what he’s up to. Out of sight, out of mind is simplistic, but it really is easier to heal and move on without giving your brain reminders of the person you missed and/or things you can twist into hope that he’ll come back.

crumpet · 04/11/2023 08:36

It’s highly unlikely that he waited 3 months to be on dating apps. He’ll have been on them for months already, and you only found out at 3 months. I doubt he wasted a second before looking for the next thing, and possibly was on them even when with you.

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 08:36

ohdamnitjanet · 04/11/2023 08:29

Oh God he’s vile - I hope you didn’t send him money.

Show quote history

Shameful to say but yes I did send him £200 as he made me feel so guilty however then I realised he failed to return most of my stuff from his house (all my expensive stuff funnily enough) after waiting 6 weeks for it

OP posts:
VerrryNice · 04/11/2023 08:37

It sounds like he was telling you he adored you just to get the money and a few dirty pics.

VerrryNice · 04/11/2023 08:37

I also agree he was probably on dating sites within days.

Original poster
Onehouratatime · 04/11/2023 08:38

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 04/11/2023 08:36

Of course you feel upset, and it sounds like your logical brain knows you’re better off without him, but that doesn’t mean you feel any better right now.
The thing that helped me eventually get over my exes was totally getting them out of my life - every time I saw or heard about them it reawakened the craving and made it worse, and I would also advise that your friends not tell you what he’s up to. Out of sight, out of mind is simplistic, but it really is easier to heal and move on without giving your brain reminders of the person you missed and/or things you can twist into hope that he’ll come back.

Yes this!! 100% my brain does twist it sometimes I just want him to want me back and realise he made such a mistake even though it won't happen! I'll tell my friends not to update me on his app and stuff he lives 20 miles away so won't bump into him!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread