Husband called me fat

[NotAscoob]

I had surgery , major surgery, two months ago. I’m still not recovered. Not at all.
I am bloated , I have excess water retention.
I have gone up a dress size .
Aside from that I have physical issues still going on and am still limited in my mobility.
For context I am usually a size 10. I have gone up to a 12 to a small size 14.
Just now we had an argument. I said my husband isn’t doing so well on his diet. He told me I need to take a look in the mirror.
He said the truth hurts doesn’t it. I feel actually sick.
Advice please ?

You called him fat first; don't give if you can't take.

Think you both just got overheated and he was too hot and bothered and what you said was not kind and instead you should have offered him support but you said an unkind thing which is not helpful but a personal attack on him. So he threw it back at you. As someone else said communication is key. Hope you recover and you will lose the weight once back on your feet again. Be kind to each other as life not easy at times.

Don't deal it if you can't take it. Perhaps enter into a joint pact to lose weight. That's if it is medically safe for you.

I wouldn’t bother apologising. It sounds like he was being a dick.

You started by talking about the “calling me fat” thing which is why you’ve had the responses you’ve had but clearly there’s a lot more going on.

This is a classic argument between two people with very poor communication and conflict resolution skills.

He’s cross about something. Who knows what. He says it’s about being too hot but that’s a massive overreaction so there has to be more to it. He becomes or pretends to become angry and is abusive towards you.

You escalate the conflict by insulting him and introducing a new topic into the argument. He then uses that new topic to insult you back.

You then get upset about the new insult, when what you should be upset about is that he was using you as a metaphorical punchbag for his inability to express his emotions in a normal civilised and respectful way (i.e. he’s a dick).

The pair of you need some relationship counselling, specifically focussing on conflict management, or he needs anger management therapy, or you need to leave him.

So you started it? No wonder he retaliated. Why is it fine to call him fat but not the other way around?

Just so you know, having low heat tolerance isn't to do with weight. I know plenty of skinny people who can't tolerate heat.

Size 8 (size 2 American not sure of the conversion?) and can not tolerate heat. I get heat rashes easily.

My overweight partner is cold all the time.

Hot doesn't mean fat.

Don’t apologize. If he has a jekyll/Hyde problem, it will just make him think that turning it around on you gave him some power.

It’s true, you brought up diet. Just don’t do it again, that’s all. But shouting and swearing? I don’t know how people live with that. Ugh. Sorry, OP

@NotAscoob

I’ve read this entire thread.
You haven’t accepted your portion of the responsibility for this.
I hope that when you apologised to your husband you included the sentence “I admit I made a mistake,” and I hope he does the same for you.

I agree with not apologising if he has this kind of personality.

You have really made sense here . Thank you for not handing my arse to me on a plate as well.

There is a back story last night and this was the tail end of it. I shouldn’t have said what I did but I was at the end of my tether: he was extremely tired, child had spilt a drink, children were really
playing up and being silly and he lost it by swearing and shouting at me. Then he blamed the heat of the house which incidentally wasn’t even hot. I retaliated by saying the diet wasn’t going well. I absolutely should not have said that.
For those posters saying they couldn’t live like that. They don’t understand. It comes from nowhere and as quick as it comes, it goes. Living with someone with this personality is very stressful and difficult at times. Often walking on egg shells. I could never live all the time in a shouty and sweary house. Not at all.
I need therapy and pronto: I have debilitating anxiety and need to gain some self worth and self esteem.

Thank you for being kind 🩷

You both sound like a pait of bellends

OP, communication clearly isn't your strong point. Title of thread: Husband called me fat. Second post from you: He has never ever called me fat.

You sound charming.

For context . Prior to last night he had never called me fat. What is it with the nasty comments .

They're not nasty comments.

It's hard to understand what someone means if they haven't communicated effectively. That's when misunderstandings arise because people are left to interpret what someone meant rather than simply understanding from the words they've said.

The more precise you are with what you say, the easier it is for others to understand and the less likely it is that confusion will arise.

I suspect you'd find this in your relationship too.