I can't bear how boring DP is

[Boringpartner]

There's a comedy gig coming up id love to go to - nope, seen them 15 years ago so no point, were too old to do that now (45 and im 41)

I'm going out 3 times this month with various friends for meals etc - why do I want to go out so much why can't I be happy at home

I'm staying over at one of these friends houses with the other ladies because it's just easier and will be fun - why am I doing that, why do I need to stay out, why can't I just come home, who else is going out

On the very rare occasion I'm out late I get messages "where are you I'm worried" so I can't enjoy letting my hair down

Food - all has to be bland and is the same thing constantly (some variation of beef, think mince and potatoes). If I cook something nice for me and DC I get remarks like "that doesn't look very nice". If I say "just try it its lovely" I get "nah I'm not into peppers/chicken/ flavour"

Won't eat anything from the freezer or microwave because it's not good enough so food costs a fortune

We haven't been out as a couple in years, although nowadays I don't particularly want to

If we do go out for a meal he has to invite his mum because "she doesn't get to go out much" And of course it has to be somewhere bland

Every time I say "shall we go to XYZ" it's "ill see if mum wants to come"

I'm drained. I'm bored of life.

He still hounds me for sex though when tbh I'm just not into it anymore and its just maintenance sex.

I don't even think he's depressed I genuinely think he's just turned into a misery. He wouldn't seek help anyway, I was apparently "dramatic" when I had to go on ADs a few years ago.

I actually think he's maybe bored of me and we're just staying together because of the kids, and it's convenient for him as I earn x2 what he does.

That feels good to get off my chest!!

So are you saying women shouldn't leave, in case their husbands kill themselves?

Do unpick your logic here. It looks awfully as though you’re suggesting women are responsible for middle-aged men’s suicides.

What are you trying to say there @ManAboutTown ?

Translation: men make for disappointing life partners and are driven to suicide when their service human leaves them to cook for themselves and do their own washing?

Yup @Sparklfairy

It is true that something needs to be done about the tragedy of middle aged men s suicides. I think the work needs to start far sooner than middle age. If you go through your whole life with all the privileges men do, you become accustomed to being entitled to whatever you want, regardless of your own input. Then, when someone says no to you, and it's the first time you've heard that, it's hard to take. But that isn't the someone's fault.

Perhaps they should look at why their middle aged wives are desperate to live with a small animal, in a small house without a man in sight?

Perhaps if the men hadn't been selfish arses their wives wouldn't be so desperate to spend the least amount of time possible with them, or going the whole hog and divorcing them.

Some men can be selfish grumpy arses as they age and invariably if a cohabitation agreement cannot be worked out, divorce is the only option.

I know of quite a few by mid 60's whom have opted for this with the agreement there will be no caring in the future involved.

Financially it really benefits them both to share spacious houses with seperate living spaces etc.

They are sharing the house peaceably, do nothing whatsoever for their husbands, enjoy pleasing themselves completely and their "husbands" are treating them with a lot more consideration than they did previously.

Perhaps THEIR willingness to divorce has been the wake up call.

As couples age, some might suggest that men get a lot more from a marriage than some women.

Cranky older men are a tedious bore.

You really can't blame women for not wanting to be around them.

If men are taking their own lives once they find themselves alone, because they can't cope, whilst the women are generally doing a happy dance; it's a good indication of how much each person brought to the party pre divorce. One person has one less person to look after, and one person has one more.

Not really the ex wife’s problem if the ex dh commits suicide though is it? Your not married anymore.

You wouldn’t even have to attend the funeral.

Can I have him
it’s a comfortable life

Well, I suppose if you are also someone who prefers never to leave the house, doesn’t understand the concept of friendships or social life, only eats three bland things and thinks people in their 40s are too old to go to see a comedy gig, then yeah, it’s probably comfortable to recognise someone else is just like you.

You might want to check the other person still has a pulse every week or so, though.

The kids aren't out of the way, and I just want a normal relationship, not one where literally everything I do he 'doesn't know why I want to do it', as if I'm acting really weird for wanting to go out with work friends for eg.

Why have you commented on suicide risk?

Absolutely, hope you like mince and onion, having your food looked at like it's an actual dog shit while you're eating it because it has paprika in it, not going out anywhere because you're too old, getting told 41 is too old to like certain music and having to drag yourself out to a school meeting when you've got the shits because he hates "speaking to people"👍

Because he wants to take over the thread to make it about the poor hard done by men, and unfortunately he’s succeeding.

Perhaps they should look at why their middle aged wives are desperate to live with a small animal, in a small house without a man in sight?

^ Interesting point.

So true

Kick the misery guts out, he can go to his poor lonely mummys house can't he.

Well he sounds boring and controlling - another 30-40 years of this crap? No thanks…..

I think it's insecurity because he is the inferior spouse, he knows you are a catch and an allarpumdmote productive person.

He wants you to be as boring as him, so his small life is normalised. He wants to be frugal so his low income contribution is not challenged. He wants to rely on your sociability to support his non existing social skills and those of his mother also.

He is a parasite!!!