My DH takes all the credit for all my hard work! Can't take it anymore

[lawstudent212]

I am genuinely a strong person but love does make you weak.

Since I got married (1 yr) , I feel like I am always in the back seat somehow and how I do all the hard work but my husband takes all the credit or somehow ends up getting all the credit. I didn't mind it as much as in my culture the husband's are a level up and although my feminist/equal rights kick in, I let it slide because I am in love with my husband.

But things are starting to creep in and I don't like how it's making me feel. Let me give you a few examples.

I earn 50% more than him so if I am paying the bills etc. His family are assuming he pays all the bills and how amazing he is and how careless I am with my money (I get slack from my MIL) but his family never sees that I am the one paying the bills etc.

I helped pay off his loan but when we went to his house, he didn't say "My wife paid off my loan" it was more of a "Yes the loan was paid off, it was no problem at all" and his parents "ooh" and "ah" how tough it must have been for him to pay off his loan to which he shrugs. (Do you get it...it was more implied that he paid off the loan rather than his wife paid off the loan for him)

I brought a house of which he contributed £18K to the depositand I contributed £18K as well but because he is not earning enough, I used my job to get the main mortgage and first time buyer status. I did all the leg work jumping through all the hoops but him and his family see it as 'his house' which I am just supporting him with.

I had a baby (now we all know how hard it is to have a baby) and my DH did buy me some gold jewellery, but his mother is expecting my DH to buy her gold jewellery too and they kept congratulating my husband. I dont know if I was being sensitive to this with all the hormones raging but to me it felt like my DH did all the work and again how I was just the supporting factor.

Another example is when we are on a family holiday, I will pay for the hotels and when my MIL and FIL ask my DH how much it costs. He will pass it off and say "Don't worry about it, it's sorted" rather than giving me credit saying my wife paid this time.

I love my husband alot but these small things are starting to eat me away especially recently with the house thing. I know it's our house but I can't help feeling that if my MIL and DH want to see it in black and white then effectively it's my house with the 80% mortgage on my job, my name and 10% deposit me so my contribution is 90% and his is 10%

I am so bothered by this but the examples are so small, so fine, they often go unnoticed that I have no leg to stand on if I even bring it up to my husband.

What would you do?

She is telling the truth though!

He's been unfair but to be honest you are enabling that, I guess if you tell the truth, he would be upset and probably humiliated in front of his family, and blame you for it. So you either keep it as is or speak up, one of you will be upset either way, unless your husband speaks up himself.

If it’s really tricky to say outright then I’d pretend the mortgage company had rang and say ‘oh excuse me it’s the mortgage company’ moving slightly away like you’re making it seem you don’t want them to hear! Then disclose both salaries! I mean I wouldn’t do that cause I’d tell my husband to stop being a dick about it and be honest if he’s spending our well earned money that we both contributed!

This.

You are rightly getting the Ick for him.

It's not the the money it is that he is so comfortable being dishonest and misleading his family.

How unattractive.

Next time just say that DH is so lucky to have a wife who earns so much more and who could so a mortgage!

stand up for yourself

It's seems husband pride is dented and he is ambarrassed to tell his parents it's you paying the bills and the house is 80% yours. You need to have a serious talk and set boundaries before it becomes to late. Your resentment is going to cost him your marriage if he is not careful

OP I think your first port of call is to chat things through with your husband. If you think it'll be a sensitive discussion because of your culture then plan your words carefully and explain that you're working really hard to contribute so much financially and would appreciate some acknowledgement to his family. You've got plenty of examples, they're not small or insignificant, so don't be made to feel like they are. I think his reaction to this first chat will set the scene for your next move (if another is needed).