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Relationships

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My boyfriend 38M is very sensitive and easily offended

119 replies

inspectorg · 01/11/2023 03:40

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years . I'm a 39F. We live together and for the most part spend most of our free time watching tv. Ever since he moved in I've been realizing that I offend him a lot . Today we got into a huge argument, without sharing too many personal details, he walked in on me in the bathroom practically with my pants down and I slowly closed the door on him, I wasn't upset just embarrassed and he quickly apologized with a tone and said he thought I was brushing my teeth, after I finished with the bathroom and walk to the kitchen I said "now you can use the bathroom", This comment took him over the rail he said it was not necessary and it was unkind. I explained that it was said in a playful sarcastic way but he was upset enough to deny my sexual advances by stating he wasn't in the mood any longer. I became irate because we had already had an argument earlier and had managed to move past it and now here we were less than 12 hrs later in another pile of it. We got into an argument earlier because I was standing behind him while he was doing dishes, I saw he was doing his last dish and thought I'll wait until he's done to use the garbage pale under the sink so I don't have to inconvenience him by asking him to move, but the fact that I was standing there for about 20 seconds confused him he claimed, with an annoyed voice he said, "why are you standing over me". I walked away and said I wanted to use the garbage and I don't see what the problem is in waiting for you to finish with the dishes, I was standing there not a problem for me why is it a problem for you. He said it wasn't unkind that I mocked him. He insinuated he wanted an apology, I said no, not gonna apologize, not only had I NOT mocked him, I was simply stating my intentions, all I said was I can stand there if I want to, and I'm unsure why me standing there is a problem.
Long story short, these types of things always happen, almost daily. He demands an apology for things that I don't believe merits an apology, he says I'm unkind for these types of behavior but I don't see how I'm unkind. Apologizing for my personality is basically what he's asking of me. I've asked him if he even likes me. With how often I offend him it feels odd he'd still want to stick around. He claims he love everything about me. It's confusing. He's yet to make any of my family outings since we moved in together because everytime we get invited to one we're fighting, we're fighting 80% of the times.
I'm beyond my wits, I don't know what to do. I'm here because I'm running out of options. I love him a lot, but these constant run-ins are bringing me down. We've yet to go a whole week without fighting and it's been this way for a year. When we've gone on vacation together it's even worse. He becomes irritable at things that may be more on the spontaneous side. Or when he tries something new and isn't good at it. Or if he's running late, or if I ask him to take a picture with me after we already took one that day. I love being spontaneous I also love doing new things, but every time he heads to my business to help me with some small updates it turns into a fight. I don't want to end things but I also don't want to live this way. I should also mention that he smokes weed daily.

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 01/11/2023 03:44

Why don’t you want to end things?

He sounds unbearable in every conceivable way. I’d rather live alone on a desert island for five hundred years than spend a day with that prick.

Blwean · 01/11/2023 03:47

I'm exhausted just reading about the situation.

Why haven't you ended it already? It sounds intolerable. Surely a calm single life is better than this?

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 01/11/2023 03:50

Well, he’s moved in with you, you need to Chuck him out. He sounds hard work. There is no other answer.

JaneAustensHeroine · 01/11/2023 03:54

This sounds like such hard work OP. I had a boyfriend like this who was later diagnosed as neurodiverse, this explaining a lot about his struggles with spontaneity and managing difficult interpersonal situations.

Hypersensitivity to criticism and situations is very difficult to live with. It sounds as though your partner is spending a lot of time in defence mode rather than engaged mode and this will be difficult for you.

I would honestly take this as a snapshot of what your future will be like together and make my decisions based on that. It sounds as though you value different things and while you might care deeply for each other, these differing values about how you want to live your life and manage challenges will get in the way.

Think carefullly about whether this is a future you want. If it has been going on for a year then how likely is it to change? And can you cope with a lifetime like this?

I wish you well.

Psychodancehall · 01/11/2023 03:54

Why are you with him ? He sounds such a pain in the arse! Bin !

thatwassociopathic · 01/11/2023 04:03

The answer of why he does this is on your very last sentence

The answer to your dilemma is get away from this fun drain

Yalta · 01/11/2023 04:28

Why the need to specify an age and being male?
The exact age is Irrelevant and being male is covered when you refer to him as your boyfriend

LauJane94 · 01/11/2023 04:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Ilovegoldies · 01/11/2023 04:36

Yalta · 01/11/2023 04:28

Why the need to specify an age and being male?
The exact age is Irrelevant and being male is covered when you refer to him as your boyfriend

I've seen a lot of these Reddit style posts lately. It's so annoying.

justsayso · 01/11/2023 05:05

LunaNorth · 01/11/2023 03:44

Why don’t you want to end things?

He sounds unbearable in every conceivable way. I’d rather live alone on a desert island for five hundred years than spend a day with that prick.

My favourite reply ever!

Onethingatatime23 · 01/11/2023 05:17

And that's why you live together before you get married or make any financial committments. While a little friction is to be expected, he sounds painful and not a keeper.

The age does matter in this post I think.

Bananalanacake · 01/11/2023 05:38

Have a relationship without living together, then when he starts a fight you leave him and go home.

rwalker · 01/11/2023 05:44

Haven’t read it all but you didn’t lock the door he walked in apologised yet you still felt the need for a sarcastic comment tbh I’d be pissed off at you

Left · 01/11/2023 05:53

You deserve better. Get him gone 🗑️

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 01/11/2023 05:56

I really think the answer is to end the relationship. You might love him, but do you really want to live like that? If you want to try and fix it sit him down and talk about how to communicate without arguing. But if this is what he is like you will be dealing with this forever.

Hotchocolatemousse · 01/11/2023 06:05

Get rid, life is too short unless you're addicted to endless drama and conflict.

AgentJohnson · 01/11/2023 06:06

Given the examples you've given, I’d say you both sound like hard work. Don’t you think standing behind someone for twenty minutes while they did the washing up is odd? Go away and come back but standing there for twenty minutes, I’d be weirded out by that, being asked to temporarily move out of the way would be my personal preference in that situation. However, in your head he wasn’t inconvenienced by your actions, therefore his opinion wasn’t valid.

What does come across in your posts is that you appear to be completely unaware of your part in your miscommunications. I’m not saying you are at fault but in the specific examples given, your behaviour has been a contributing factor.

I don’t know if this adjustment behaviour awkwardness or a sign of deep seated communication/ personality incompatibility. Talk through your issues, if there is no improvement then he will need to move out, luuuurve is not an altar to sacrifice your happiness.

seafronty · 01/11/2023 06:11

How many people would you like to have tell you to leave him? You can have the first 10 here or the next 300 also. Just leave the dickhead.

maras2 · 01/11/2023 06:14

She said 20 seconds.

FinallyHere · 01/11/2023 06:14

As a stranger on the internet, to me the answer is obvious. Ask him to move out again because you are not compatible.

Don't take any more sh*t like this in your life.

MrsJellybee · 01/11/2023 06:31

Well, your last sentence was both the punchline and the likely reason for his behaviour.

Run.

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/11/2023 06:35

LunaNorth · 01/11/2023 03:44

Why don’t you want to end things?

He sounds unbearable in every conceivable way. I’d rather live alone on a desert island for five hundred years than spend a day with that prick.

This first post really does say at all.

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/11/2023 06:37

every time he heads to my business to help me with some small updates it turns into a fight.

He is sabotaging you.

I don't want to end things but I also don't want to live this way.

Why on earth don't you want to end things?

I should also mention that he smokes weed daily.

Here is your answer as to why he is such a horrible man

JaneAustensHeroine · 01/11/2023 07:03

I’d bin him just for smoking weed daily.

Gremlins101 · 01/11/2023 07:08

Are you going out with my ex?

It was unbearable. He was a habitual weed smoker too and mostly unemployed. 6 years with him left scars so maybe get out while you still have a scrap of identity left.

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