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Original poster

Political differences

83 replies

Thistimeitwillbebettee · 30/10/2023 13:31

Fell out with my bf yday over the situation in Gaza. I think it’s not ok that children are being bombed, he can’t see what the alternative is although he obviously thinks it’s awful. Said that my thoughts were “left wing platitudes” but also said that he thought we fundamentally agreed on things?

it’s not the first time we have clashed politically, I’m left wing and he’s more centre right. I’m concerned it’s going to become a bigger issue over time. He thinks it won’t. Tbh his views have impacted my feelings for him, he has said his love for me is unshakeable but we’ve only been together a year. For me that is the phase where you are still learning about someone.

feel confused and upset.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 30/10/2023 13:33

If you can’t allow him to have his own beliefs without you falling out, it’s time for you to move on.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 30/10/2023 13:36

IME people on the left struggle in relationships and friendships with people of differing opinions to themselves, while those in the centre/near right tend not to. I know this will offend a lot of people but that's exactly what I mean, some people just can't bear to consider other points of view and I've met a majority of these who are left wing (not all though). So I'd say he probably does think your viewpoints can be reconciled but in reality they probably can't.

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 13:40

@BiscuitsandPuffin - sorry that's rubbish. The majority of political 'twats' that I have met have been on the centre right and further toward the right end of the political spectrum. The majority, but not all.

BigPussyEnergy · 30/10/2023 13:44

@MajorBarbara that’s probably because you’re on the left, hence the PP’s point 😂

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 13:46

BigPussyEnergy · 30/10/2023 13:44

@MajorBarbara that’s probably because you’re on the left, hence the PP’s point 😂

How do you think you know where I am politically?

PurpleChrayne · 30/10/2023 13:49

BiscuitsandPuffin · 30/10/2023 13:36

IME people on the left struggle in relationships and friendships with people of differing opinions to themselves, while those in the centre/near right tend not to. I know this will offend a lot of people but that's exactly what I mean, some people just can't bear to consider other points of view and I've met a majority of these who are left wing (not all though). So I'd say he probably does think your viewpoints can be reconciled but in reality they probably can't.

I've noticed this too! Some staunch lefties are like the fucking Gestapo.

SamW98 · 30/10/2023 13:51

BiscuitsandPuffin · 30/10/2023 13:36

IME people on the left struggle in relationships and friendships with people of differing opinions to themselves, while those in the centre/near right tend not to. I know this will offend a lot of people but that's exactly what I mean, some people just can't bear to consider other points of view and I've met a majority of these who are left wing (not all though). So I'd say he probably does think your viewpoints can be reconciled but in reality they probably can't.

I have to say that I agree to a certain extent. I’m fairly central with sone views on each side of the middle ground and mice going generally it’s the most left wing people who refuse to accept any opinion other than their own as being the correct one.

ILostMy20s · 30/10/2023 13:57

Agree that people on the left can be very aggressive when it comes to talking to anyone of a different viewpoint...

I made the fatal error of disclosing that I'd voted Conservatives in local elections earlier this year to a female friend of mine. I presented my reasons for doing so, which I felt were pretty sound: that the Conservative representative was the only one who'd bothered sending any election material to my home and was the only one I'd met personally, he was the only one who actually lived in the village, and had helped my family out a lot when we were badly flooded several years ago...

Anyway, this made not a jot of difference in my friend's view, in fact she turned really quite nasty and sarcastic, saying things like "oh, so just because he put some wellies on one time, that was enough for you to vote for him" etc, etc, before lecturing me about how generally awful ALL Conservatives are. I was quite shocked!

Now I know to only disclose my political views with people I know WON'T bite my head off for it. 😅

Anotherlurkingmale · 30/10/2023 14:04

I don't think having some political differences is an issue in itself but he sounds bit patronising to dismiss your sincerely held views as 'left wing platitudes' and I think you need to share some values at least and both be able to respect each others views for things to work out.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 30/10/2023 14:10

The both of you seem to have have very similar values (peace, least amount of human suffering) but would handle the situation differently if you were in charge. Why focus on the differences instead of the similarities?

It’s not as if either of you has the solution for peace in the Middle East (obviously). Or is in charge of military operations or political decisions (presumably).

you and your boyfriend are however both against human suffering / and regret the death of children (as most people are). That’s what I would focus on.

frozendaisy · 30/10/2023 14:12

You can be centre left

Any extreme political viewpoint is tedious.

But you can have left/right differing viewpoints about different issues.

What's worse is completely uninformed people thinking them holding court is ever so interesting.

Depends on the rest of your relationship and viewpoints. Is he kind, fun, loyal? Would he look after you when ill? Will he meet you the station so you didn't come home alone?

There are far more important things than political viewpoints OP. And if he is "centre right" he doesn't sound extreme.

It's boring to agree all the time, a lively debate is fun most of the time, provided you are both/all willing to concede ground if the other one is "more correct".

LakeTiticaca · 30/10/2023 14:17

Once upon a time people on different sides of the political spectrum used to be able to have a healthy good natured debate about politics and differing opinions on a wide range of subjects.
Nowadays it's woe betide anyone who dares to disagree with the "fashionable beliefs" and get called gammon, bigot, nazi etc. Look what's going on in the universities now, which should be a good balanced cauldron of debate and difference, sadly no longer the case.
I fear for the young people now, who will grow up with a very narrow view of the world.
I'm in my 60s now and thank god I've probably only got 20ish years left.
I fear for my grandchildren future though

Namechange666 · 30/10/2023 14:37

DustyLee123 · 30/10/2023 13:33

If you can’t allow him to have his own beliefs without you falling out, it’s time for you to move on.

Hundred per cent this!!!

BraveToaster · 30/10/2023 15:45

I think it depends on what the disagreements are about. People on both sides of the aisle can be very rigid in their views. There are some political disagreements that are about policy issues. These you can probably agree to disagree on.

Others are about the fundamental way in which you view the world. These are the issues you need to think deeply about and ask yourself "would I be happy if these were the values my spouse was teaching my children". If the answer is no then there is no point trying to keep the peace in the short term because you don't have a long term future if your values aren't aligned.

FanFckingTastic · 30/10/2023 16:14

You feel confused and upset that he has different views and opinions to you? Does this extend to other areas, or is it just politics where he has to align to your way of thinking?

SeaPool · 30/10/2023 16:20

I'd find it harder to accept that he referred to my thoughts as 'platitudes' than I would his political views.

TheYear2000 · 30/10/2023 18:08

I'd try to ask him to expand on his statement that you fundamentally both have similar beliefs. It's possible that you do- at least in some ways. For example you both may be devastated at the violence and loss of life. Maybe the difference lies into how you respond to that and what you think the solution is.

I think the situation is so complex and horrendous and if you both are responding seriously to it and reflecting on it as individuals, that is something you have in common.

I think it would be sad to lose a good relationship over perceived differences of opinion when it sounds like these aren't definite. Also, someone can have good values and different politics but everyone has their own boundaries with this I suppose.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 30/10/2023 18:18

BiscuitsandPuffin · 30/10/2023 13:36

IME people on the left struggle in relationships and friendships with people of differing opinions to themselves, while those in the centre/near right tend not to. I know this will offend a lot of people but that's exactly what I mean, some people just can't bear to consider other points of view and I've met a majority of these who are left wing (not all though). So I'd say he probably does think your viewpoints can be reconciled but in reality they probably can't.

I'm left leaning and I agree.

I also think that while everyone says they love to be challenged and they wouldn't want a partner who always agrees with them etc, in reality very few couples thrive on having fundamental differences. It's not like disagreeing about a book or tastes in food.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 30/10/2023 18:19

BiscuitsandPuffin · 30/10/2023 13:36

IME people on the left struggle in relationships and friendships with people of differing opinions to themselves, while those in the centre/near right tend not to. I know this will offend a lot of people but that's exactly what I mean, some people just can't bear to consider other points of view and I've met a majority of these who are left wing (not all though). So I'd say he probably does think your viewpoints can be reconciled but in reality they probably can't.

I am left wing and I actually agree with you that it's generally harder for people on the left to tolerate right wing political views in close relationships.

I don't think this has anything to do with left wing people being less tolerant/right wing people being more open-minded etc. I think it's more down to the fact that most people on the left see politics as a moral issue, deeply linked to core values, whereas most on the right see it more in terms of pragmatic decisions about self interest.

If you perceive that your partner doesn't share your fundamental values and beliefs about right and wrong, then of course it will impact on your relationship. If you think you just have different opinions on morally neutral issues, then you are likely to be less bothered by it.

GreyCarpet · 30/10/2023 19:10

Agree that people on the left can be very aggressive when it comes to talking to anyone of a different viewpoint...

I also agree.

People on the lefter end of left tend to talk in absolutes and ideologies not reality and pat themselves on the back for saying the right things.

SnackQueen · 30/10/2023 20:48

@BiscuitsandPuffin nails it.

BitofaStramash · 30/10/2023 20:51

My DH and I have some topics that we have very, very opposing views on.

We never discuss them. We will never agree and all previous attempts to discuss or debate haven't ended well.

BitofaStramash · 30/10/2023 20:52

SnackQueen · 30/10/2023 20:48

@BiscuitsandPuffin nails it.

Agree

QueenAstrid · 30/10/2023 20:53

SurprisedWithAHorse · 30/10/2023 18:18

I'm left leaning and I agree.

I also think that while everyone says they love to be challenged and they wouldn't want a partner who always agrees with them etc, in reality very few couples thrive on having fundamental differences. It's not like disagreeing about a book or tastes in food.

Show quote history

I also agree with this, and I’m left leaning, as is my DP. I think I’d struggle in a relationship with someone who wasn’t politically aligned, although it doesn’t sound as if your viewpoints are opposing as such OP? I wouldn’t write him off just yet.

workshy46 · 30/10/2023 21:01

@BiscuitsandPuffin totally agree. I actually feel centrists or even right leaning people are far more tolerant these days. The left is all for diversity, except diversity of thought.
There is a lot of virtue signaling going on and I feel so much of it is performative, look I am a much much better and of course, kinder person than you. Its very tedious. When we met I was the lefty and my DH more right leaning, now we have switched although I would think I am v much a centrist but of course in those days it was possible to have a difference of opinion with lovers, friends, work colleagues. Now, not so much.