Political differences

[Thistimeitwillbebettee]

Fell out with my bf yday over the situation in Gaza. I think it’s not ok that children are being bombed, he can’t see what the alternative is although he obviously thinks it’s awful. Said that my thoughts were “left wing platitudes” but also said that he thought we fundamentally agreed on things?

it’s not the first time we have clashed politically, I’m left wing and he’s more centre right. I’m concerned it’s going to become a bigger issue over time. He thinks it won’t. Tbh his views have impacted my feelings for him, he has said his love for me is unshakeable but we’ve only been together a year. For me that is the phase where you are still learning about someone.

feel confused and upset.

This is my bf

https://www.instagram.com/p/CzAbINJPdLJ/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Are you for real?

You don't want to hear his political opinion, you want to hear your opinion come from his mouth. My advice is you need to grow up a bit.

I'm coming out as a rightist.

If you tolerate men saying they are women then yes I am.

No argument, no worries, I'm a rightist

In the research I read about, some (not all) on the right self-defined as e.g. 'not caring' about certain issues. It would be hard if you self-define as caring to be in a relationship with someone who self-defines as not caring. However if you self-define as not caring, you won't care if someone else is more caring.

If you ask voters themselves about what they care about, they give very different answers. I think sometimes the difference is too wide to imagine a happy relationship between them.

It depends how important politics is to someone too, you can be left/right but not that engaged or left/right and very engaged.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves describes perfectly how I feel.
I wouldn't date someone very much to the right of me because our values wouldn't align and that's important to me.
Just as important as whether we want children or some other fundamental compatibility question.

It doesn't mean I'm closed minded or judgmental or unable to discuss or see another point of view. Of course I can, and do.

But with my partner I need those shared values and beliefs.

Why are you with him? As pp you can't seem to accept he can have his own thoughts.

Warren McPherson is your bf?

This 👆🏼who does he think he is?

I think this comes down to how they ask the questions. The idea that people on the right don't care about moral issues is simply false, and I don't think what you are talking about reflects that at all.

There's also research that suggests that people on the left care about fewer things, and that is why there is a divide. They simply don't recognize certain things that conservatives do, so they don't recognize a need to balance them. It's easy to be morally absolute when you only have simple problems to navigate.

Yes I would agree Centre Politics means you weigh things up and decide at least that's what I think. One of my friends is very left wing and goes on and one about it claiming some moral high.

People on the left care about fewer things, and that is why there is a divide. They simply don't recognize certain things that conservatives do, so they don't recognize a need to balance them. It's easy to be morally absolute when you only have simple problems to navigate.

'Simple things' the Labour Party have navigated -

Introduction of the National Health Service
Introduction of Social Security
The Equal Pay Act
The Human Rights Act
Cancelling 100 per cent of debt for the world’s poorest countries
Introduced the world’s first Climate Change Act
Ending of the death penalty
Decriminalisation of homosexuality
Legislation to outlaw racial discrimination.
The establishment of the Open University

Agree.

The research I read about asked people themselves to define what they cared about. So your argument is with that group of right wing voters, not me.

It sounds to me as though you have go off him because he isn't leftist and that's ok for you to do. I agree with pp who say because he's centre /leaning right, which my guess is that's your definition, he doesn't find it such an issue. I think you will end up second guessing his views on other issues. It clearly is an issue enough that you have raised it on here, so maybe you should think about calling time on your relationship .

There's also research that suggests that people on the left care about fewer things, and that is why there is a divide. They simply don't recognize certain things that conservatives do, so they don't recognize a need to balance them.

Lol. Can you link to this research, please @TempestTost?

Presumably, those on the right who claim that their political views are shaped primarily by core values and moral considerations can fully understand why a close relationship with someone who doesn't share those core values and moral beliefs would be untenable. I doubt that many of us want to tie ourselves to people who hold what we consider to be morally reprehensible views.

LOL indeed. Those thicky lefties just don't understand the complexities!

I think it’s very important that we maintain friendships and relationships with people on all sides of the political spectrum.

I have friends who are staunchly Zionist and I have friends who are extremely “free Palestine from river to sea”, I have friends who describe JK Rowling as a “transphobe” and other friends who have views that would definitely be described as “transphobic” by the aforementioned friends.

There is definitely a tendency on the left at the moment (the new left?), spurred on by “identity politics” to label people with differing views on topics as various forms of “phobic” or “hard right” etc - there is also a tendency on the right to call people on the left “leftists” like it’s a slur like “racist”.

It’s okay for your DP to disagree on the topic of what’s the best plan for Gaza, Israel and Palestine, it’s not okay/helpful to descend into calling each other “alt-right” or “leftists” as if all your views can be grouped into one giant stereotype about you.

I would say to him, can we debate the issues without calling each other names? Take each issue on a case by case basis and lay out your various opinions, see what facts you can agree on, find common ground, agree to disagree on other points.

Most of my boyfriends have been right wing and I’ve managed to maintain healthy relationships with them, as long as each of you respects the other and doesn’t become dogmatic/authoritarian with their views.

Different political beliefs are only possible if neither party holds extremely strong views that are intrinsic to their moral code. The moment it becomes part of a moral viewpoint, it becomes harder.

It doesn't sound like he is okay with children being bombed so I don't think your views are diametrically opposed here. If he was saying, "raze it to the ground" perhaps, but he's not. War is complex and awful and lots of innocent people get hurt. I think it's possible to see and, reluctantly, accept that, without in any way being okay with it.

Also, I find your instagram post a bit annoying and quite offensive. It IS complex. And making fun of people who see that is not very helpful. So while he's telling you that you're dealing in "platitudes" what are you accusing him of?

To me, I think you can tell a lot about a person the way they vote and their political stance.
I couldn't ever have a relationship with a Tory.

To be fair I think it's a good thing to be around people with differing opinions. No good comes from living in an echo chamber.

OP - I’m much more left wing than my husband. We are both deeply interested in politics and read and talk about political issues and general ideology a lot. The reason our relationship works (it’s been 17 years!) is that we respect one another’s intellect. I don’t agree with his views (nor he with mine) but we know that they are well considered and we discuss the reasoning behind them and it makes sense, even if our conclusions are different. On fundamentals we tend to agree, which helps, and we have very similar values on non political matters like family.

As with most things in life, it’s about respect. I couldn’t be with someone who dismissed my views out of hand or referred to them as platitudes.

I think this is true, but a bit simplistic. Most left wing people consider that there is a moral aspect/consideration to the way society should be organised. Many right wing policies are, at the very least, amoral. And dare I say it, some are downright immoral.

So I can see why fewer left wing people would find it possible to be with someone right wing, because to them it is about viewing those people as having different morals. That would feed into lots of aspects of a shared life.

Before anyone jumps down my throat, I am left wing and my husband is not. But on core fundamentals we agree (and he doesn’t tend to support wholly immoral policies!)