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Original poster

Best friends dd said her mother laughed at me being ghosted by date

117 replies

capabilityfrowns · 28/10/2023 22:29

My friends dd has form for being a little stirrer , she's special needs and does like attention and to stir things up but I've found there is always an element of truth to what she says

She said when I left a key for a delivery her mum nosied around my house and said it was messy , she said this in front of her mum and I just said well it probably was messy , I'm not tidy !

Recently (around 2 months ago ) friend started seeing a guy so we've seen less of other which is only natural but I still help,out with her dd (she's a single mum , so baby sit etc )

I get on really well with her dd. If she is challenging to say the least . Her mum and I get together probably around once a month for a drink . I was really excited to have a date for the first time in around 18 months (I've been single for 4 years, when we met we both were single ) It after the date he spoke to me for a further day then conversation talked off . I text after 48 hours saying if you've changed your mind about a second date just say , he text back "yes sorry I think you're great but the distance would be an issue " (he lived 2 hours away ) so I said well it's better just to know , take care , good luck . I was disappointed because he was first date in so long and I'd fancied him but on the night there were red flags ( he was desperately trying to get me pissed and up to his room ) so I felt maybe I dodged a bullet and was feeling ok , plus I'd been the grown up and just asked instead of letting him ghost me

Then friends dd sent this text to me last night : there will be some truth to it, it I also don't take what she says as gospel.

I'm actually more hurt than I thought . I do a lot for friend . Lots of childcare , favours , etc .

I'm wondering now whether to just say something or leave it .

Best friends dd said her mother laughed at me being ghosted by date
OP posts:
Unicorn2022 · 28/10/2023 22:51

StSwithinsDay · 28/10/2023 22:44

*meh.

potato potato*

So if you had a child with developmental delays would you be so blasé about them being referred to as 'special needs'?

I have a DS with severe disabilities and genuinely don't give a shit how people describe him.

Everyone understood exactly what the OP meant by what she said.

StSwithinsDay · 28/10/2023 22:51

Do you think it was appropriate to put online the conversation you had with her?

StSwithinsDay · 28/10/2023 22:52

I have a DS with severe disabilities and genuinely don't give a shit how people describe him.

I have a sibling with severe disabilities. I certainly give a shit how people describe her.

WhereDoYouGo1 · 28/10/2023 22:53

I think you are well-meaning but I wouldn’t be texting a 12 year old girl privately.

StarlightLime · 28/10/2023 22:53

StSwithinsDay · 28/10/2023 22:51

Do you think it was appropriate to put online the conversation you had with her?

Do you think the 12 year old might be on here reading?

Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 28/10/2023 22:53

StSwithinsDay · 28/10/2023 22:51

Do you think it was appropriate to put online the conversation you had with her?

I ensured any identifying information was blacked out

OP posts:
Unicorn2022 · 28/10/2023 22:53

StSwithinsDay · 28/10/2023 22:51

Do you think it was appropriate to put online the conversation you had with her?

What's with all the nitpicking? It's an anonymous forum with all identifying details removed! She hasn't posted it on Facebook.

NotSuchASmugMarried · 28/10/2023 22:56

Look, your talking to a 12 year old with special needs that you babysit for about your dates. That's inappropriate. Babysit and go home.

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 28/10/2023 22:56

NotSuchASmugMarried · 28/10/2023 22:41

Just stop messaging the kid. You shouldn't have started really, it's kind of a safeguarding issue and doesn't sit comfortably with me.

Mumsnet is fully insane.

Of course it's not a safeguarding issue to chat to a 12 year old. Do you all never talk to other people's kids?

Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 28/10/2023 22:57

She asked and I thought it best to just be honest as she has obviously overheard. I don't talk to her about dates ! I talk to her about young sheldon and school and homework !

OP posts:
Whalewatchers · 28/10/2023 23:00

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 28/10/2023 22:56

Mumsnet is fully insane.

Of course it's not a safeguarding issue to chat to a 12 year old. Do you all never talk to other people's kids?

Show quote history

It's like once they've learnt the term "safeguarding issue" they'll parrot it off at every (incorrect) opportunity 🤣😆

Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 28/10/2023 23:00

Trust me I'm no safeguarding threat to my friends child !

OP posts:
Whalewatchers · 28/10/2023 23:01

Maybe your friend is actually a secret bitch and takes pleasure in your failure as it makes herself feel better about her own situation? I'd take a BIG step back from both of them.

Mariposista · 28/10/2023 23:03

Honestly OP the people on here! They cause more drama than the kids do!
Don't think on it any more - 12 year old girls have wild dramatic imaginations and can be little sods.

Uricon2 · 28/10/2023 23:04

You are very recognisable. You have the option to disengage from your neighbour and her daughter and why you don't I can't understand.

StSwithinsDay · 28/10/2023 23:05

@Whalewatchers
Yeah - it's hilarious. The op is messaging a child who is 'special needs'.

StSwithinsDay · 28/10/2023 23:05

@Uricon2
Amen!!

Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 28/10/2023 23:09

I do a lot less than I used to for them - I suppose being older her mum sees me as someone to go to for advice and her dd benefits from having another adult around . Like I said she's a school refuser but does go if I take her , I'm not overly involved in their lives . If called upon I'm there . I've taken a massive step back from doing what I used to do but if she's I'll or something and mum needs to work I'll babysit , or if mum wants a night out I'll sit .

That's basically the extent of my involvement now other than her mum and I were/are friends . I see her around once a month now for a catch up .

OP posts:
momonpurpose · 28/10/2023 23:13

I'd cut them both off. You don't need this in your life

Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 28/10/2023 23:14

Uricon2 · 28/10/2023 23:04

You are very recognisable. You have the option to disengage from your neighbour and her daughter and why you don't I can't understand.

Because her mum is my friend . Plus I've navigated the system dealing with a child who has special needs so I'm a source of advice and help , which I never minded .

OP posts:
Cadenza12 · 28/10/2023 23:14

I'd let it go. Quite possibly it's just taken out of context and as you say your friends daughter is capable of stirring things up.

Mummy08m · 28/10/2023 23:15

If it were me I'd forward that screenshot to the mum with something like "I'd thank you not to gossip about my dating life especially not in front of your dd".

What absolute trash, I can't believe she gossiped about you to her dad and daughter after all you do for her.

Invisiboo · 28/10/2023 23:20

Mumsnet just gets worse and worse for people jumping on any point they can to tear someone down when it's really not necessary...

OP, if I were you I would try to raise it in a non-confrontational way with her mum, maybe saying something like- DD sent me a message saying that you had been laughing to your dad about me being ghosted, I'm sure that's not the way you said it but I'm wondering if maybe it might be best not to discuss relationship stuff around her just in case she reads into things or takes it the wrong way.

GilberMarkham · 28/10/2023 23:23

I'd gently, gradually, tactfully take more steps back from them.

I'd not discuss dating with the mum. Be as vague as possible, or say no dates happening, v busy with whatever .....while you date away .

I think you're correct in thinking the DD has spilled the beans.

What gratitude for you non friend. Sounds like a bit of a c u next Tuesday

Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 28/10/2023 23:24

I feel a bit silly really to be hurt by it , but I do wonder sometimes if I'm being a bit of a mug .

I'm free childcare to a fairly challenging child, which I've done willingly because it helps my friend out and I do get on with her dd. She sent me a letter in Spanish the other week as she is learning Spanish in school and it was really sweet . I wrote one back in Spanish to help her with her homework. It's things like that.

I used to be "on call" for a lot more but I took a step back .

Yes I think I'll raise it but in person . Maybe just in the context of " walls have ears " type of thing .

OP posts: