I haven’t had sex for 10 years

[Liliesrus]

I’m 52
No dates
no kisses
no interest from anyone although to be fair, I don’t get out much
it’s weird isn’t it?
my husband died, but he was a liar and a cheat.

53, not had sex for around 3 years. Never fancied my DH - more of a best friend/brother. He struggles to get erection now so it was fine until I went on HRT which has been amazing for menopause symptoms but also means I now really want sex. Just not from DH. Have considered casual sex - I like women and men but dont want to hurt him. Has anyone in a sexless relationship actually been brave enough to have sex outside of relationship? Cant bear the thought of never having sex again.

I hear you. I’m 55 and can’t actually remember when I last had sex with DH but it was never that good anyway. I think about sex all the time, the intimacy, the longing, the passion. I masturbate regularly as does my DH but we just can’t connect. More like best mates really. Everything else is perfect but it makes me sad to think I’ll never have sex again.

I feel exactly the same

no interest from anyone although to be fair, I don’t get out much

How many men have you asked?

Same here. I last had full sex in December 2013 and I think I messed around with an ex in 2014, but without having sex. Sometimes this bothers me, but most of the time it doesn’t.

When I was a teenager, I nearly always had a crush on someone. I’m
now 42 and I don’t really fancy anyone. I also find it hard to imagine anyone fancying me. In addition to this, I can’t shake off the feeling that limerance/romantic love is just a silly delusion caused by hormones. I was besotted with one of my exes even though he was very inconsiderate at times. A few years after we broke up, I found one of our email conversations and I cringed at the ravings of a madwoman (me). I don’t really want to lose control like that again.

12 years for me I'm 45 I don't miss it at all. Could quite happily go the rest of my life without sex

Almost 8 years though I don’t count the last few times with my horrible exh so really it’s longer than that.

What I find hardest to accept is that I might never be properly hugged again - or properly hug someone else. It’s mostly okay but then I will find unavailable and/or unsuitable people attractive and it triggers waves of emotional pain and loneliness that are hard to bear. Until I close the thoughts off again.

I understand there’s a lot of people here who have managed to live a life a celibacy and are content. However, the people who want intimacy but are unable to make me feel sad.

We all have one life, so I hope things change. Is there anything you could do to change your situation? It’s not fair to live like this.

@LoveLifeBeHappy thank you. In many ways I am so lucky and I should give myself a reality check - but those feelings of loneliness do surface.

In terms of doing something - I am in my 50s and I do think it is harder at this stage for a whole host of reasons. I am also quite insecure so would fear that meeting someone would open the floodgates of insecurity and neediness which would make someone run a mile.

I did OLD just before the pandemic and went on 7 platonic dates with someone. Since then I feel that I have somehow become older and less attractive and in any case OLD is kind of awful so I am not doing that again.

Maybe becoming more active with activities would help generally and you never know who you might meet - but on the other hand I am aware that a lot of people don’t meet partners following divorce etc. Or don’t meet partners at all full stop. It does make me sad however.

I’ve been single 4 years and just don’t meet anyone i feel connected to.

Ive met guys out in the world and OLD but there’s not been anyone who I e felt enough to enter into a relationship with. I wish I could do casual sex to scratch the itch but I just can’t even kiss someone without that spark let alone have sex.

If I did meet someone I’d want as much sex as possible but starting to realise at 55 it’s probably not going to happen.

@LoveLifeBeHappy

I agree - it can be so complicated though..,

I love my DH as a best friend - although its a sexless relationship we are very good companions, enjoy the same things, want the same things from life and retirement and I would never want to hurt my adult children or him.

But no sex. I dont want to strike up an emotional relationship with anyone else, but the idea of a f**k buddy, and given I like men and women would be a solution but that would hurt my family. I know people do this, I have never cheated though and not sure I could reconcile it.

39 and it’s been 8 years for me. I do miss it but it is what it is, no bothered about being in a relationship. Like my own space!

im 53 and it’s been around 12 years for me. I don’t really miss sex that much but I do miss nonsexual affection and kissing. I haven’t had that in 12 years, my ex wasnt affectionate at all and he didn’t like to kiss so haven’t had any of that since before I met him.

now I’m old and not attractive (lots of facial and body scarring) so I’m sure I won’t meet anyone and if I do most likely they won’t feel the same about me, it’s how it always works out for me.

Men in their 50s are more or less universally awful!

Anecdotal broad statements are never helpful.

Don’t worry, On the rest of the internet somewhere there will be be a man saying

Women in their 50s are more or less universally awful!

I've always found older women to be amazing.

But older men who disagree are likely to be complaining the older women won't sleep with them.

best safe way to go about finding a 'friend with benefits' please?😉

POF

What does that mean?

Any dating apps. Be upfront about what you’re looking for and be prepared to have to wade through a swap of the dregs to find a rare gem

Any apps I would say most men are only looking for casual sex on them anyway

15 years now for me. Sometimes I miss it but not often. I'm 53.

Try Feeld.

It's been 15 years, but you still miss it and crave it. How do you manage to overcome the urge?

I don't understand why some men wouldn't find older women attractive. Just look at all the celebrity women in their 50s who look amazing.