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Original poster

I haven’t had sex for 10 years

137 replies

Liliesrus · 28/10/2023 18:01

I’m 52
No dates
no kisses
no interest from anyone although to be fair, I don’t get out much
it’s weird isn’t it?
my husband died, but he was a liar and a cheat.

OP posts:
theresastormcoming · 29/10/2023 02:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Dontcallmescarface · 29/10/2023 03:14

5 years for me (I was 51 then). A side affect of DP's lifelong medication. I miss it at times but I'd rather have no sex and him still alive than the alternative.

CreationNat1on · 29/10/2023 03:44

2 weeks here, but there s been times it's been 3 years.

Single woman, the 3 year drought..... I can't explain it, just couldn't be bothered with the dating.

Sex is out there for everyone, just depends on whether you feel up for actually meeting people, investing time in dating and the apps.

Crushed23 · 29/10/2023 04:02

I’ve already managed a 5 year drought and I’m only mid-30s. That was in my 20s as well - what a waste!

I think the idea that women can just get sex whenever we want is complete bollocks, because women don’t just want any sex, we want good sex with men we fancy, and that can be very hard to come by.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/10/2023 04:39

Same age. And the same. Married. Been very ill, multiple surgeries and quasi bedridden for 12 years. Was far far too ill to be intimate, we tried it a couple of time and it made me feel really ill. Finally making progress, lost 2 stone and my mojo is back. I still am very very far from well but think I am well enough now if we took it slowly. Plucked up the courage to speak to dh and he’s struggling to get his head round it, thinking about it…

toonnoot · 29/10/2023 05:20

15 months here. Not that long but I feel like I'm staring into a sexless abyss because its not going to change and that makes me sad

ChocolatePeanutButterPie · 29/10/2023 05:54

I don't think it's weird. It would be weird if someone in their 20s or 30s went this long without but from 40 and over life gets very tough generally with aging parents, friends, family illnesses, bereavement, work and financial pressures. I'm not saying give up but I mean it's common and you've had a relationship and done all that, it's not like you're missing out on something you've never had or tried. So now it seems your choice to try again or give up, time doesn't stop for anyone so if you don't do anything about it of course there will be big anniversaries of not doing anything about it.

BackToRealMe · 29/10/2023 06:38

This makes me so sad. I'm newly separated. We've not had sex for at least two years before that.

I remember asking my grandma when I was in my early twenties (and my grandad was still alive) when people stop having sex. And she told me practically they were still having sex in their 70s. I'm just so jealous of that and feel like this was it for me.

theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 06:44

Would you like to change had? Eg by using OLD?

oakleaffy · 29/10/2023 06:49

GarlicGrace · 28/10/2023 19:07

17 years. It's not a competition, mind 😂

I'd probably have tried to "do something about it" if circumstances were different - but they aren't, so I haven't, and life is easier this way!

To Dan of 2006: my last-ever shag was rather disappointing, but at least you were a nice bloke 😏

Last CENTURY for me!
( Do I win?)
Through choice though.
Books and a mug of cocoa are much nicer.

Mightbeme · 29/10/2023 06:55

I feel this will be me. Last had sex a few months ago but suspect he was my last.

I’m really sad about it.

But I also don’t want a fucked up relationship again ( last turned out to be properly evil) and can’t imagine meeting a decent man at my age and circumstance.

oakleaffy · 29/10/2023 06:58

Mightbeme · 29/10/2023 06:55

I feel this will be me. Last had sex a few months ago but suspect he was my last.

I’m really sad about it.

But I also don’t want a fucked up relationship again ( last turned out to be properly evil) and can’t imagine meeting a decent man at my age and circumstance.

Agreed- It was the emotional trauma that absolutely put me off.
I trusted someone who had feet ( and a todger ) of clay.

ChocolatePeanutButterPie · 29/10/2023 07:02

The longer I go without sex the more easier it gets in that I resign myself to it and I also know more about my own likes and sexuality as I'm only focused on me so masturbation has become more fulfilling.

I have a touch of sexual health anxiety which has been in remission.

The reality is, I miss good earth shattering sex but that's not going to happen unless by huge luck or trying so many partners which I'm not willing to do.

Men big themselves up and talk up their sexual prowess often. Physical chemistry doesn't always translate in bed and can be confusingly awkward.

Now that I have matured more I can't have sex based on looks only as I've experienced the transformation of thinking a man was a sex God only for him to open his mouth and spout the most sexist, racist things that I had a metaphorical whiplash from how repellant he suddenly became.

I know I'm emotionally fragile and vulnerable, I accept I'm very sensitive and too possessive and traditional for casual sex.
I accept this life for me because the alternative is not so great. My peace and wellbeing are protected this way.

I've had enough bad sex in my late teens and twenties to know it really isn't all that great. Maybe 1 in 10 were good but I don't want to go through this again as the emotional cost as well as health risks are not worth it.. and nowadays secretly recording, revenge porn, date rapes, normalisation of choking and anal .. it's all just yuck.

51FlirtyFun · 29/10/2023 08:59

This was me, until recently.

Last had sex in August 2012 when DD was conceived & never got started again afterwards, then our relationship broke down due to his selfish, nasty narcissistic traits. It was an awful break-up & it took me a long time to recover.

Was on my own for a good few years, went through the menopause. And then my sex drive started increasing. I didn't want to die without ever having sex again!

So I decided to give online dating a go, with very firm boundaries in place.

First guy I met, also 50's, was lovely & there was a wee bit of chemistry. I was very nervous & needed a good few drinks. And vaginal HRT Smile

That was in the summer, and we're at it like rabbits. It's so lovely to be having sex again. That part of me just died when I wasn't having sex.

I think there are a lot of "dead bedrooms" out there & long-term singles. Agree it's probably more common than we think.

BMW6 · 29/10/2023 10:04

DH and I haven't had sex for over 12 years. In our 60's now and both just totally lost our libido.

We do kiss still though, if only a Goodnight kiss.

Not at all bothered if I never had sex again.

SamW98 · 29/10/2023 10:09

Crushed23 · 29/10/2023 04:02

I’ve already managed a 5 year drought and I’m only mid-30s. That was in my 20s as well - what a waste!

I think the idea that women can just get sex whenever we want is complete bollocks, because women don’t just want any sex, we want good sex with men we fancy, and that can be very hard to come by.

Absolutely. If I met someone I fancied like mad and I grit a connection to, I’d be jumping into bed with them tomorrow and wanting non stop sex. In a relationship I have a very high ex drive but in the 4 years I’ve been single, I’ve not found anyone that i feel that way about..

There probably is a lot of sex available but it’s mediocre sex with low bar desperate men. Why would any of us want that?

ManAboutTown · 29/10/2023 10:18

I agree with various PPs who say that these droughts (for want of a better word) are more common than generally thought.

Have had a few years off - it doesn't consume me as my life is very full but if the right person came along would jump at the chance

Beaverbridge · 29/10/2023 10:22

Reckon about 10 years, don't even think about it. Had plenty back in the day!

gillyv · 29/10/2023 10:24

I think it's around 3-4 years for me. I'm separated from my husband, soon to be divorced.

It was dislike of my husband in all ways (also habitual liar and cheat, OP) and when he asked outright if I'd have sex with him again I said no. At the moment I don't care if I never have sex again, and I've put off the idea of dating too.

Goodornot · 29/10/2023 10:26

I don't think it's weird. I didn't have any of those things from 24 to 33. I was in debt everywhere from university, had no money to enjoy life and was trying to build a career.

I wasted the best years of my life not having sex.

Pertangyangkipperbang · 29/10/2023 10:27

Ten years for me and very happy without it.. more than happy.
I don't need a man to complete me with or without sex. I've realised l love being on my own. I have great friends and family. Not lonely.. but l can't ever imagine being with a man again.. especially a naked man.🤣 l had more than my fair share of sex when younger 🤣

Mischance · 29/10/2023 10:29

OH died 3.5 years ago and not much activity prior to that - my choice - his behaviour was not great due to a neurodegenerative disease. It was all pretty grim. I am not looking for a new man. I have on and off UTIs and will not engage in anything that might trigger that.

Miss hugs though - but I guess you can't have everything.

Fs365 · 29/10/2023 10:44

None this year, maybe once or twice last year, probably on average once a year for the last 5 years.

MeOldBamboo · 29/10/2023 10:45

3 years for me - divorced but had breast cancer which put the breaks on any dating or fun for the last year. It does bother me. I miss intimacy more than just sex. I am seeing someone but they have their own issues, so it is the slowest burner in history. I’m scared of my body changes and whether I can let go. I wish it didn’t bother me, but it does.

Xztop · 29/10/2023 11:06

I didn't have sex from 28-41. Never wanted to when I was married. Just recently I met someone else and can't believe I went without it for so long. I think, for me anyway, it was about waiting for the right person.

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