I haven’t had sex for 10 years

[Liliesrus]

I’m 52
No dates
no kisses
no interest from anyone although to be fair, I don’t get out much
it’s weird isn’t it?
my husband died, but he was a liar and a cheat.

32years

Probably about 4 and a half years here. I'm 46. My longest drought was 8 years, in my 30s.

I would like to marry someone I think, IDK. They'd have to be amazing.

These type of threads add to my body of knowledge about sex, relationships and intimacy. Realising as a 42 years old married man that there is a lot of sexless and unfufilling sexual relationships out there, whether by choice or circumstances. A younger me would have adviced myself to spend more time and energy developing emotional intelligence and how to communicate effectively in relationships. Only then can a man fully understand the mindset of a woman and how to establish her sexually needs.

I'm in a sexless marriage atm so 10 years for me too OP. We live like housemates. Separate bedrooms. Apparently I have the ick for him. Unfortunately I am having a surge of really wanting sex atm, just not with him. I feel so sad that I'll never know that closeness ever again. I'm 53.

I discovered I was autochorisexual

Defined here: an individual who is aroused by sexual material, thoughts and fantasies, but has no desire or ambition to seek sexual relations with other people; for example, an individual who may masturbate and watch pornography, but does not have any desire to engage in sexual behaviours with other people.

Not me. I love the connection with another person that sex brings.

It is more common than one would think. Applies to me and my single friends for extended periods of time (years). Given the large number of single women aged 40+, I wouldn’t be surprised it if applies to a lot of such women. Judging by the number of divorced men on OLD looking for casual sex, it seems quite a bit number on the 40+ male side, too.

Am sorry to hear of all these women not having sex. I can tell you it also happens from the other side - I am a man of 53 and it was a steady decline for the last 10 years - I constantly asked and constantly rejected. Not to be graphic but she expected a lot of oral sex and essentially no reciprocating (which I am ok with). and at one point suggested we open-up to others, which I refused. Then in Spring last year was told there would never be sex again, and then to sleep in the other room. It is depressing. But the only advice I can give is exercise! At least 4 times a week (e.g. mon, tues, thurs and fri) for a min of 20 minutes (but better if it is upto 40). first of all it will 'take the edge off', secondary benefit is you will become fitter, and third may meet someone while out. I take the ‘triathlon approach’ couple nights running, one day cycling, and one swimming, If women simply want some sexual activity my advice is four, and I am do not want to in any way be offensive to anyone: first, be clean as possible (I know it sounds obvious and men are probably more guilty of it but it is basic instinct issue); two, be friendly, no one wants to be nervous; three, not too much pressure (again, seems like I am making a list for men but this is a major issue for men); fourth, surprisingly maybe, do not have sex on first date, wait at least until second and preferably third or fourth

7 years. Don’t miss it at all. I was never that into it really although I put on a decent show. I was more in it for the affection and attention.

I don’t feel so odd now after seeing how many are not really bothered about sex. It’s been about 8 years and I don’t miss it, I don’t miss how demanding men are and I like just doing what I want, when I want. No intention of finding another partner at 59.

So glad you turned up to show us why all these women who are happy to never have sex again are right to feel that way.
You 'repeatedly asked for sex'! No wonder you ended up sexless.
Also, not a great idea to come on Mumsnet to tell women to keep clean if they want sex. Honestly 😂

i feel like i've found my people! 52 and married but live like housemates and have separate bedrooms. Its been 9 years and i'm desperate for sex but not with him. The last time we DTD was awful and it makes me so sad if that was the last time i'll ever have sex. Still have 3 children at home so leaving is too difficult. I think about sex ALL the time!

@Ihonestlydontgetit .., speak for yourself I like hearing the male perspective and there's nothing wrong with expecting some sex from your wife every so often.

Not entirely true. I don't mind engaging with other people so long as I'm not in the same room.

His advice was to keep clean, be nice, don't pressure men and don't put out on the first date! Do women really want or need advice like this?

And, yes there is a problem with 'expecting sex from your wife'. My husband has never expected sex from me, he's never asked me for sex. He's an equal partner in every way, we flirt with each other, we smile and laugh together, and listen to each other. Sex happens naturally for us because we love and fancy each other.

I've previously been in a long term sexless relationship. I thought I didn't like sex and wasn't bothered. I was just stuck in a relationship with the wrong person.

I'm 50. Not had sex since I was 45. I would actually quite like to have sex again, but can't imagine any men (but especially the fit and attractive ones who I like) 😄being interested in me.

There's everything wrong with "expecting some sex from your wife"! It really sounds like you view sex as a service women give to men.

To state the blooming obvious, sex is a joint exercise, willingly shared for mutual pleasures. Those who want sex FROM others don't deserve any.

I haven't had sex for 40 years! beat that!😄

6 years and counting.
Never been driven by or obsessed with sex.
Never really sought it out.
I've never, in my life, approached someone and asked them out because I fancied them.
I'm 45 this year.
The world is too obsessed with sex and the people that have that obsession are the least sexually appealing people on earth to me.

10 years. I don't miss it.
I always enjoy it in the beginning and then don't want it anymore. I've lost a few good relationships that way.
Happier and easier all round this way.

@HT8 still with the same partner?

I think this is really common but people don't talk about it and we live in a hypersexual world so we think everyone is having sex 20 times a week.

Yes same situation. Still no sex.

@Dontcallmescarface Exactly the same for me, I'm 55 and last time was before I turned 50.

Sometimes I'm bothered, but thanks to the menopause that's very rarely. Partner is thankful that I'm not bothered as his meds make it impossible. Even if we split I doubt I'd bother again, from what I read on here men in their 50s are more or less universally awful!

from what I read on here men in their 50s are more or less universally awful!

Not universally. There are some very lovely ones too. Just a lot who aren't.